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Wow, OP, reading your last few posts, I have to say that you seem really fixated/tuned in to the idea of women of all walks of life spending an inordinant amount of time flinging themselves at li'l ol' you...
Wow, OP, reading your last few posts, I have to say that you seem really fixated/tuned in to the idea of women of all walks of life spending an inordinant amount of time flinging themselves at li'l ol' you...
It is my job to understand what motivates people, and how to work with them to get deals done, not to mention how to run my business and provide the services my clients need. So yes I spend time trying to figure out why people do what they do, including men, and upset teachers who think they are all inhuman and perfect, with no problem if not for those pesky parents.
I am sure there are teachers who feel that way, however my wife is a PERA substitute, and still works part time for the school district, so it is not like she is just there to annoy the teacher. I have asked her what she does in the classrooms and for my sons class last year she spent most of her time there helping get the things together for class projects, running down and getting copies made for future lessons, helping the kids with some projects when they struggle, considering most teachers in his school are dealing with 20 plus kids, they go out of their way to ask her to volunteer up until the last couple of months.
Now for my daughter, she usually just helps the Peras with transitioning the kids as they are in an autism only program but some do have to go to regular classes, she also helps look after the kids and takes them for walks when they are being disruptive, stuff that a full time Pera would do, but she is not getting paid for it, or if she is she is not telling me about that money.
I'm a special education teacher (specializing in ABA for students with autism, in fact) and am very familiar with the role of special education paraprofessional/"para"/teachers' aide.
Odds are, the teacher simply does not need the level of involvement/assistance to which your wife is accustomed in what I take to be a regular ed classroom. Your son's teacher already noted that you son exhibits problematic behavior when his mom is present, versus when she is not, no? This isn't uncommon, and is something that would make most parents say, "H mm, maybe I can volunteer in a way that's NOT in the classroom, since it appears to be disruptive." Particularly someone who is well-versed in the reduction of negative behavior, as I would assume a seasoned special ed para and potential teacher candidate to be.
It really does sound like there may be more going on here than meets the eye, particularly with the additional info about your wife's previous work as a paid para in-district, her injury and not being able to work FT, etc. Schools are political places.
At any rate, I wouldn't be so quick to chalk it up to "The teacher obviously wants me (after all, so many women seem to) and that's why she won't let my wife volunteer in the classroom." Because, really, that's how this whole thing is coming off.
I can kind of relate to the OP's situation. My husband is a good looking man, physically fit (he's a firefighter), he's off a lot since he does shift work so he has always been the one volunteering/dropping/picking kids up. He's also a very nice guy and very in tune with reading people and making them feel important.
Since our oldest (7) has been in mother's day out, the teachers, the directors, principals, other moms have always gone out of their way to introduce themselves to him. They want him to volunteer for everything. The other moms want to set up play dates. I am in the financial industry and I've always worked a lot so I'm not around during all this. And in my job I work with a lot of alpha males, I get hit on a lot. We've been married for 10 years, at the end of the day we just sit back, drink some wine, and laugh and joke about it. We just kind of take it as compliments in a way, since we must be doing something right if other people are still interested in us. Neither one of us are the jealous types and we both feel secure in our marriage. If your wife is secure, and trusts you, then I don't see why she's making a big deal about it. Yes, its your son's education, but do you have any proof that he is being treated negativity over it? If not, then let it go, the year is almost half way done.
I have quite a few friends that are teachers, and from what they tell me, they love it when dads are around the classroom volunteering. They don't get many dads that do volunteer so when they have one, its kind of a big deal. Also, there has been times where they have had to tell moms they couldn't volunteer anymore because the child does act up more or is distracted when mom is in the classroom. Kids also tend to act better when their fathers are around (I know mine does). So it is totally believable that your son's teacher told your wife that she was distracting your son, but you are still welcome to come volunteer.
As with all the women you work with hitting on you like that knowing you're married..that's just shameful. They must be so miserable in their own lives that the first man to give them any attention, they're throwing themselves at him.
What she said. Avoid the teacher and wait it out. If she's still smitten and continues to flirt with you next year, you can either tell her that she is making you and your wife very uncomfortable or talk to the principal. I wouldn't do anything this year. It's much easier to give her a wide berth than to open a can of worms that--you're right--might affect your son while he is in her class.
This is very bad advice. Unless she exposes her genitals at OP there is nothing to "'report". OP would sound very silly ""reporting"" NORMAL flirting. What is he supposed to say to the principal that the teacher is playing with her hair while talking to the OP? Flirting is hard to prove. Unless he is physically sexually harassed which is unlikely he should man it up & tell his wife to grow some self esteem.
Full disclosure: I only read teh first couple of responses to your OP but here's my take:
First, you dam man bro!
Second, I personally think Mrs. Jwiley should be more secure about your relationship with her. I do understand the progression from rolling one's eyes to mildly annoying to tempermental. But I think after that, she should laugh it off.
I mean what if the roles were reversed? Personally, I'd make fun of the guy. Not to him, but around the house, just to ease the tension. I'm not sure if I'd say anything to the teacher myself, just because (like you said) I wouldn't want it to affect my kid. But after the school year was done I may do a bit of mocking to his face if I felt so inclined. And that's how your wife should be handling it. I'd tread lightly with the wife though, sounds like she's a little threatened by the younger gal, which I don't blame her for. Lastly, and most important:
You da man bro! I mean your will power is uncanny...teachers, cops, nurses - all hard to resist.
I have a situation that I really do not know how to handle, but it is fast becoming a problem for my wife, and could become a problem for my son.
I am pretty sure that my son's 2nd grade teacher has a crush on me. At 1st I thought it was all in my wife's head, and ignored it, but for the Halloween party she went out of her way to speak to me, and in front of my wife's friends treated me considerably nicer and was much friendlier to me than to any other parents. I picked up on it, despite not being all that good at being able to tell when I get hit on, but I ignored it and did not want to believe it.
To complicate things this teacher has went out of her way to make sure my wife does not feel comfortable volunteering in the classroom which is something my wife has always done with both of our kids. Unfortunately my wife's friends did not miss any of it, and brought it up to my wife.Who went from slightly annoyed/concerned to really upset about the whole mess.
Now I will say that this teacher is very attractive, younger then my wife and I, and is someone who I would have been interested in back when I was single, and my wife knows it. I have also been hit on many times over the years, but usually it is someone not a long term fixture in my life, or is a business contact and not someone that my wife spends any time around. While it is a nice boost to the ego when you get hit on, I am married and have been for a long time and have no interest in cheating on my wife. While my wife knows this, she is somewhat temperamental and I am getting concerned that she may raise hell about it.
Outside of changing my sons school, I do not know what to do about this situation, as I am concerned that my son will pay the price if my wife decides to start raising hell about this whole situation. so my question is has anybody else on here been in this situation? What can I do to keep my wife happy, while not upsetting the teacher and having my son have to deal with the problems? Is it wrong to reassure my wife that nothing will happen, but tell her repeatedly not to mention it?
I've been in something similar but not exactly, but take from it what you can. My ex has a 10y/o the childs teacher was a very attractive woman. For starters I've always been adept at picking up all the cues women give off when interested in a man, but when I'm in LOVE and involved w/ a woman I'm totally and utterly clueless, why the 180 I've got no idea but a woman could walk up and plant one on me and I'd not catch that she's interested.
I was very involved in her childrens lives and would always take them to functions, drop them off at school scouts sports etc. Basically my wife said I needed to pull back and stop going around the school as often pretty much period, and apparently the ex noticed signs some time back. So I stopped going around totally and outa sight outa mind, however she did set my ex off one last time by asking her child where "MOM'S FRIEND" has been and the 10y/o came straight home and unloaded on my ex telling my ex the teacher has often asked about "MOM's FRIEND" my ex grabbed up her keys and was headed for the door, I stopped her and apparently the Teacher got wind that my ex took notice and had me stop coming to school so that was the Teachers way of one last shot at my ex.
UPDATE!!!! 1yr Later after splitting from my ex I bumped into the Teacher in Chic Fila and we spoke and she asked me about what happened to my ex and I, I gave her some generic answer. I turned around in line and she started laughing and I turned around, that's when she I guess recalled all the hub bub, she say's a friend or someone my ex was friends w/ or spoke to would run back to the Teacher and tell her the things my ex was saying about it all. So I said oh ok so all that was intentional to get at my ex, she said oh no your ex was right on, matter of fact some of the things that got back to the Teacher actually fueled her to the point where she considered seeking me out at an event for 10y/o and tell me in front of my ex what she felt and wanted to do about it. The Teacher then said well I guess the way things went was the way they were supposed to go, cause I'm married now. I laughed and said ok now it's my turn pay back is a beeeawtch! Kidding of course, she quickly replied there's no way I could've withstood what you did, and I said well it's how I'm made no cheating.
I got my food and went to car, As I was pulling out she tapped on passenger Window I rolled it down she opened it got in and said she's got 45mins left for lunch and directed me to an old shut down housing development overgrown and unmaintained, I said what do you have these places picked out all over town for you and whomever, that didn't go over well almost costing me my shot, then while undressing and me just sitting there told me it was the place she fantasized about her and I going, she figured once I knew she was into me I'd break, but being faithful only made her want me more. We got out car and went at it on the hood, she alarmingly took some pics and I was like your husband better not come looking for me, she said oh no it's for your ex. that thought alone brought me to completion. She indeed did send them to my ex and initially tried to play it off like it went down while I was with my ex, boy did the ex whom I'd not spoken or seen in a year fire off emails to me and those who introduced us, which was odd cause my ex was now w/ someone new so why the feeling of reprisal towards me. Eventually my ex learned the truth and wished me well w/ my Teacher!!!
Oh, not categorically true at all. There are definitely times where a parent's persistent hovering over a child in the guise of "being an active volunteer" can be quite detrimental. A good teacher will recognize that it is NOT ideal from a developental standpoint to have a parent present in the school setting daily, numerous times a week, or even weekly, and a good teacher will also be upfront about what assistance is needed from parent volunteers, and if said assistance is even in the classroom. Don't forget that finding busywork for parents who want to hang out and observe their kid's class on a regular basis only adds work to a teacher's load. Also, many classroom tasks are not even appropriate to shuffle off to non-educators.
Most teachers are glad for help (if that's what's actually being offered, and not just micromanaging or favor-currying), but will also be upfront about what is needed, i.e., "Well, I don't really need a daily or weekly classroom assistant, but if you'd like to help set up for the book fair in a few weeks, I can add your name to the list, " etc.
Being a parent volunteer doesn't equate to "a parents persistent hovering over a child". nor is being a volunteer in class a guise for such. This type of attitude is detrimental to children, it doesn't belong in the classroom.
Nor has anyone here advocated for parents to volunteer in their children's class on a daily basis...well except one poster. I corrected his misunderstanding, I guess you missed it. No one here has advocated such.
The OP's wife is very involved in the school. She knows how things are handled and ran. She even attempted to become a Teacher at one time. So it's doubtful with such a stellar background she is hovering over a child. Her husband is a professional also, as he's stated.
As a long term Substitute, I have experience in various classrooms. Only once did I need to talk to a parent about their child deliberately misbehaving in class. Seemed to only happen when she was present. We worked it out to where she came in to help during parties and helped me outside the classroom. She otherwise remained involved, still coming in and out of the class as needed. Staying for a bit. Worked out fine. No biggie. I always appreciated parents who wanted to be involved. Baring any parent from volunteering in their child's class is not acceptable.
Last edited by californiawomann5; 11-06-2013 at 05:01 PM..
Wow, OP, reading your last few posts, I have to say that you seem really fixated/tuned in to the idea of women of all walks of life spending an inordinant amount of time flinging themselves at li'l ol' you...
Please use the quote button to show us where you derive this from. I've seen nothing about anyone flinging themselves at anyone
Again, thanks for being honest and using the quote buttons.
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that thought alone brought me to completion. She indeed did send them to my ex and initially tried to play it off like it went down while I was with my ex, boy did the ex whom I'd not spoken or seen in a year fire off emails to me and those who introduced us, which was odd cause my ex was now w/ someone new so why the feeling of reprisal towards me. Eventually my ex learned the truth and wished me well w/ my Teacher!!!
