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We try and convince ourselves that it's not about looks, but it almost always is. If you think that you can 'win a woman', then you are clearly in that mindset and doing yourself a disservice.
I don't know, I consider myself pretty ugly, fairly short, bald and with a poochy gut. I'm no CasaNova, but I get my share of (how do you guys call it?) "play".
My experience has been quite the opposite. I don't have women beating the doors down before they get to know me. But after they do, they think I'm a pretty good catch.
To me, it's 'proof' that looks ain't sh*t, and it's all about what you have to offer as a human being, and also about knowing how to please a women once you exit the friend zone.
But then again, you already stated that you are targeting shallow women, so maybe you should set your expectations that you will be judged on shallow criteria. I'd have to agree with CPG, you sound like another one of the "walking wounded" trying to make excuses for why women don't find you attractive. (hint: I see a LOT of ugly guys with beautiful women. I just have to assume that not ALL of them have 14" units, some are just good guys...)
It really isn't about looks at all. It isn't about your height and it isn't about your wealth. Its about how you see yourself. All those things may help a little, and they are surely attractants, but you do not need looks, money or anything like that to be able to attract most any woman. All you really need is to be a man. A man with a proper frame of mind. Once you get there, everything else falls into place, and you have 100% control of your dating life. Try it, its much better than being unsuccessful, bitter and lost.
But then again, you already stated that you are targeting shallow women, so maybe you should set your expectations that you will be judged on shallow criteria. I'd have to agree with CPG, you sound like another one of the "walking wounded" trying to make excuses for why women don't find you attractive. (hint: I see a LOT of ugly guys with beautiful women. I just have to assume that not ALL of them have 14" units, some are just good guys...)
I'm not making excuses or whining. I'm making a point.
I'm saying what is true. It's MOSTLY about looks. So, why spend 6 years trying to get to know a woman when you can have your answer in 6 days.
Yes, there are women who care less about looks. Those are the maybes in the minority. They will give their answer after 6 days and then you get to work. It's no use getting 'to know someone first'.
People get out of the Friend Zone all the time, but be warned, once you have this conversation, regardless of how it goes you'll probably be out of the friend zone.
I'm not making excuses or whining. I'm making a point.
I'm saying what is true. It's MOSTLY about looks.
Why are you so convinced that it's mostly about looks? Would it be worse if these women think you're okay to be friends with, but they just don't like your personalilty enough to want more? Does it make you feel better to think that they're shallow?
The friendzone (or whatever you want to call it) is proof that it's all about looks in dating.
If it were deeper, than it would almost always be possible to get out of the friendzone.
If a woman was really into me, and I wasn't into her, I could give her real, tangible reasons that are things she could change so that I would be.
Only fools who lack self esteem, self confidence and success with the opposite sex relate dating to being all about looks/money/status. These things are just a very small aspect of it. Using looks is an excuse to use to make up for your lack of success, and also an excuse to use to save you from rejection.
The reason its almost impossible to get out of the FZ is because courtships begin as a result of mutual or sexual attraction which sparks at the beginning when 2 people meet. By the sounds of this and your previous forum posts you don't understand how this attraction works. If the guy doesn't make the move to begin with, the woman either assumes he's not interested or just labels him as a friend since nothing sexual is happening. Once you become friends regaining this attraction is almost impossible, its not about how deep you get - get as deep as you want, it won't make any difference. Attraction is about how you make a women feel, how excited she is, how her emotions react to you, how much you turn her on etc - these things are all to do with personality, attitude, confidence. Looks is a tiny part of it - women are emotional by nature so they look for these things ahead of looks.
If a woman was into you and you weren't into her why on Earth would you give her things to change so you would like her? More to the point why would any self respecting woman change so you would like her? If someone portrays the best possible version of themselves to someone and they don't like you, that's just the way it is.
I'm not making excuses or whining. I'm making a point.
It's MOSTLY about looks.
No, no its not at all. This isn't how attraction works. Granted some women will only go for a certain type, some women can be very looks orientated but they are in the minority. I used to think like this but realised I was just using it as an excuse to attribute my lack of success to, and to hide from being rejected (which also another thing the friendzone is good for).
Here are some questions:
Do you have good self esteem, have a fairly good impression of yourself?
Are you the type of guy who knows what he wants from life & isn't afraid to go for it?
Are you confident with woman? If you see a woman you like will you make a move and interact/flirt make a physical move on her?
These are the things you need to be looking at & I'm guessing your answers will mostly be no. Notice how I never mentioned looks.
Only fools who lack self esteem, self confidence and success with the opposite sex relate dating to being all about looks/money/status. These things are just a very small aspect of it. Using looks is an excuse to use to make up for your lack of success, and also an excuse to use to save you from rejection.
The reason its almost impossible to get out of the FZ is because courtships begin as a result of mutual or sexual attraction which sparks at the beginning when 2 people meet. By the sounds of this and your previous forum posts you don't understand how this attraction works. If the guy doesn't make the move to begin with, the woman either assumes he's not interested or just labels him as a friend since nothing sexual is happening. Once you become friends regaining this attraction is almost impossible, its not about how deep you get - get as deep as you want, it won't make any difference. Attraction is about how you make a women feel, how excited she is, how her emotions react to you, how much you turn her on etc - these things are all to do with personality, attitude, confidence. Looks is a tiny part of it - women are emotional by nature so they look for these things ahead of looks.
If a woman was into you and you weren't into her why on Earth would you give her things to change so you would like her? More to the point why would any self respecting woman change so you would like her? If someone portrays the best possible version of themselves to someone and they don't like you, that's just the way it is.
Why are you so convinced that it's mostly about looks? Would it be worse if these women think you're okay to be friends with, but they just don't like your personalilty enough to want more? Does it make you feel better to think that they're shallow?
You sound like you'd relate a lot to this: xkcd: Friends
Yea, that's pretty accurate. I mean, of course, not all women are like that, but a LOT are. They will choose looks over personality.
Think about it. You like your friend. You have fun together. You can trust him. And he adores you. But you won't date him.
But this hot guy who asked you out at CVS who you know nothing about? Bring it on!
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrunoMars
These things are just a very small aspect of it. Using looks is an excuse to use to make up for your lack of success, and also an excuse to use to save you from rejection.
The reason its almost impossible to get out of the FZ is because courtships begin as a result of mutual or sexual attraction which sparks at the beginning when 2 people meet. By the sounds of this and your previous forum posts you don't understand how this attraction works. If the guy doesn't make the move to begin with, the woman either assumes he's not interested or just labels him as a friend since nothing sexual is happening. Once you become friends regaining this attraction is almost impossible
If a woman was into you and you weren't into her why on Earth would you give her things to change so you would like her? More to the point why would any self respecting woman change so you would like her? If someone portrays the best possible version of themselves to someone and they don't like you, that's just the way it is.
There's no excuses. I'm aggressive with women. I let them know my intentions right away.
Because I've been down the other path and I try and prevent other guys from doing the same.
What you say about the initial sparks is just cover up for physical attraction. I don't categorize people into friends and lovers after a period of time. They are just people.
Bolded. I know it's not realistic, but I'm just saying. It's all about looks, because if it wasn't it'd always be possible to change to fit someone's ideals, especially if you are their friend, you have over half of the work done. Get it?
Yea, that's pretty accurate. I mean, of course, not all women are like that, but a LOT are. They will choose looks over personality.
Think about it. You like your friend. You have fun together. You can trust him. And he adores you. But you won't date him.
But this hot guy who asked you out at CVS who you know nothing about? Bring it on!
My best friend from college and I tried to be roommates, but it was a disaster because of personality conflicts. I love her to death, we have a lot in common, but we couldn't stand living with each other. We could be friends or roommates, but not both. You make it sound like because we're friends, it should have worked out and been fine. It didn't, and you can't force relationships.
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