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I started out a relationship very poorly. The girl I was seeing had another boyfriend at the time for many years. Her and I knew each other for a few months and were close friends. She always had a lot of guy friends and one of her best friends is a guy.
One night her and I slept together. She came over my place for drinks and a movie and one thing turned into the next and we woke up in bed the next day.
Afterwards, she continued seeing me for months -- while still being with her (ex) boyfriend at the time. She kept saying she'd break up... but didn't until he finally broke up her her six month later. She was staying at my place all that time, we'd go on small vacations, and he was cool with it all the time because she told him that we were just friends. The guy must have known or he just didn't care. She said they stopped sleeping together since her and I got together... but who knows if that was true or not.
She went to visit her father across the country for a couple of weeks and during that time, had met a guy and spent a week hanging out with him. They stayed out all night a couple of times... assuring me that they were just talking and hanging out -- but she had admitting that they once held each other and fell asleep.
After she got back, she admitted everything and I broke up with her. We ended up getting back together... but once again, she started lying. She was still texting sweet messages to her ex and was even texting her old bf as well - reminiscing about old times... but in a very close and sensual way. I found this out because she left her phone in the bathroom... and I looked at her messages because I didn't trust her.
As I type this... I am discovering how much of an idiot I am.
She lies to family and friends all the time, says how much she wants to be with me... spends almost all her free time with me, but still -- I can't trust her at all and fact of the matter am afraid to let her go because I guess I'm afraid to be alone. Overall, my stress is at an all-time high and I have a ton of anxiety because I just can't believe a thing she says to me.
Why in the hell am I having such a hard time breaking up with her? I know it's easy to reply about being a coward and that's already true, I guess... so let's avoid that. I've had a lot of bad relationships in the past and have never cheated on any of them, so I'm already a bit scarred in that department.
But yea, she's a liar, I confront her about it... but I guess I don't have any self-respect and feel really ashamed at myself for not being stronger.
Has anyone else come across this situation and if so, how did you get out of it?
Dude, there is no happy ending down this road. If you are imagining she will ever be committed to you and not cheat? Fantasy land. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.
What you really need to do if you want to have any hope of healthy relationships in the future is to sit down and do some soul searching and figure out why you were willing to do all this lying to yourself and sneaking around to justify your part in being her affair-partner. I mean, read some of the stuff you wrote:
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She was staying at my place all that time, we'd go on small vacations, and he was cool with it all the time because she told him that we were just friends.
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She said they stopped sleeping together since her and I got together... but who knows if that was true or not.
Not cool thing to do. If you want something healthy, you need to date women who are single, free and clear. Don't make excuses for bad choices. I'm hoping you realize now that you made some mistakes, but long after this girl is gone, whether you learn from those mistakes will determine whether this was a one time bad experience, or whether you'll be playing out this cycle for the next 20 years.
She went to visit her father across the country for a couple of weeks and during that time, had met a guy and spent a week hanging out with him. They stayed out all night a couple of times... assuring me that they were just talking and hanging out -- but she had admitted that they once held each other and fell asleep.
I'd post one of lol gifs for the underlined texts but dont want PJSinger near my DM
"Held each other and fell asleep." LOL. That woman clearly thinks you are stupid. Get rid of her fast and by that i mean NOW!!!!
Look up symptoms of antisocial personality disorder. It will have her name right across the top. How do I know? "She lies to family and friends all the time," That and the fact that you're having such a hard time letting go--for some reason these people have more pull on your emotions than others so it wouldn't be too farfetched to recommend counseling or group therapy. I know how hard it is to let go of these people. You still think about them years later but time and distance will eventually get you to feeling better.
You helped her cheat on her bf and she's doing the same thing to you.
You haven't told us any reasons why she's worth staying with. I don't understand why you would be afraid of breaking up with her, unless she is crazy and threatening to kill herself or something, which does not seem to be the case here.
Would you rather be in yet another bad relationship where you get cheated on and your gf has no respect for you (and you don't respect yourself) or cut her off and start over?
Easy choice for me. No, it's not 'easy' breaking up with people but it has to be done.
Being alone is not a bad thing -- if you are not happy without a gf, work on that in therapy. Don't just stay in a bad relationship.
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You still think about them years later but time and distance will eventually get you to feeling better.
