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The feeling of displacement is still with me... but I've been trying to keep busy by learning a new program, going for walks, hitting the racquetball (which is really feeling good) and writing out my issues.
Writing has been feeling really good -- and I appreciate everyone's support. The fog is still there... but I've packed up or thrown away everything she's gotten for me in my place so I don't have so many reminders. Last night, though, I slept like a baby - which really shocked me. I'm staying away from drinking and hitting bars as well -- no need to drown myself in depressants because that will probably make me feel worse or make a dumb mistake.
Speaking from the experience of having done almost all the WRONG things in your situation, you are doing a good job. Stick with it.
Escape with your sanity and your self-respect. You will thank yourself later!
I am new here, though a longtime lurker, but please feel free to message me. I've been there, trust me.
Has anyone else come across this situation and if so, how did you get out of it?
Yup. Been there. Only solution is to kick her to the curb before she gets her tentacles wrapped around you even more. Suck it up and move on.
Oh, and if you're the type of dude who's insecure about himself and fearful of being lonely (your post reeks of it), don't be. You need to stop thinking like that. Take a look at this chick and realize that you can do at least that well looks-wise, if not better. Ditch her and get over it. Treat the "heartache" BS like it is an illness. Within a week you'll be feeling a little better. Find a rebound and you'll all but have forgotten her.
Your only form of defense is to go no contact. Remove every single method that you can contact her with, block every single way she can contact you with and avoid her at all costs. You enabled her cheating and karma sent you a lesson, learn from it.
If you make contact with her again in any way, shape or form, it will be a guaranteed fail.
Here's a very good metric that will help you along the way. When you want to contact her, have sex with her, engage in some more drama....ask yourself this question:
Is it when I feel bad about myself, or is it when I feel good about myself that I want to get in contact with her?
I know the answer, but perhaps you have not thought of it in this way.
McLovin' - that's a great idea. When I think about it... it's because I feel a little bad or lonely. However, every day that passes - I feel stronger, more confident, and wiser.
There's no going back, and I feel just fine about it. Sleeping through the night has never felt better.
I started out a relationship very poorly. The girl I was seeing had another boyfriend at the time for many years. Her and I knew each other for a few months and were close friends. She always had a lot of guy friends and one of her best friends is a guy.
One night her and I slept together. She came over my place for drinks and a movie and one thing turned into the next and we woke up in bed the next day.
Afterwards, she continued seeing me for months -- while still being with her (ex) boyfriend at the time. She kept saying she'd break up... but didn't until he finally broke up her her six month later. She was staying at my place all that time, we'd go on small vacations, and he was cool with it all the time because she told him that we were just friends. The guy must have known or he just didn't care. She said they stopped sleeping together since her and I got together... but who knows if that was true or not.
She went to visit her father across the country for a couple of weeks and during that time, had met a guy and spent a week hanging out with him. They stayed out all night a couple of times... assuring me that they were just talking and hanging out -- but she had admitting that they once held each other and fell asleep.
After she got back, she admitted everything and I broke up with her. We ended up getting back together... but once again, she started lying. She was still texting sweet messages to her ex and was even texting her old bf as well - reminiscing about old times... but in a very close and sensual way. I found this out because she left her phone in the bathroom... and I looked at her messages because I didn't trust her.
As I type this... I am discovering how much of an idiot I am.
She lies to family and friends all the time, says how much she wants to be with me... spends almost all her free time with me, but still -- I can't trust her at all and fact of the matter am afraid to let her go because I guess I'm afraid to be alone. Overall, my stress is at an all-time high and I have a ton of anxiety because I just can't believe a thing she says to me.
Why in the hell am I having such a hard time breaking up with her? I know it's easy to reply about being a coward and that's already true, I guess... so let's avoid that. I've had a lot of bad relationships in the past and have never cheated on any of them, so I'm already a bit scarred in that department.
But yea, she's a liar, I confront her about it... but I guess I don't have any self-respect and feel really ashamed at myself for not being stronger.
Has anyone else come across this situation and if so, how did you get out of it?
My best friend became entangled with someone like this. This woman would lie when the truth was easier. He would catch her in a lie, break it off, then take her back. Lather, rinse, repeat. Eventually, he was fired from his job at the bank because she was forging his name on checks.
Here's the thing. Lying isn't just immoral. It's stupid. Because any short-term advantages you might gain by lying in a relationship are offset by the loss of trust, the foundation of any good relationship. Now whatever this girl tells you will be subject to scrutiny. What's more, show me someone who lies about little things, and I'll show you someone who will lie about the big things.
So, OP, the first time she lied to you, it was her fault. The second time she lied to you, it was your fault. Because you allowed it to happen.
Here's where your self-respect is more important that getting nookie on Saturday nights. If you dump her for lying, you'll gain a goodly amount of it. And when you start respecting yourself, others respect you, too. And when others respect you, the odds of a good and honest woman entering your life go up exponentially.
Your only form of defense is to go no contact. Remove every single method that you can contact her with, block every single way she can contact you with and avoid her at all costs. You enabled her cheating and karma sent you a lesson, learn from it.
If you make contact with her again in any way, shape or form, it will be a guaranteed fail.
*1000
The next week or two will be critical.
Do not cave in and contact her.
Again, I repeat, do not cave in and contact her.
In about 2-4 weeks, you will begin to look back and ask yourself, "WHAT was I doing with her anyway? "
The longer you go no contact, the more you will see how bad it was, and how huge of a mistake it was to date her as long as you did.
Stay away from the booze.
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