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I agree, that's what my experience has been as well. Married men who are "experimenting" yet their profile doesn't state they're married (lying already?). Men who just act odd and strange in responding right from the start that makes me feel uneasy. Men who seem okay, but just got out of a relationship and not sure what they want for us (so I should hang on until they get around to figuring that out?). And then there's the weirdos...
Yup. A male friend recently asked me, "Well, if you want to meet someone, the only way is to find someone online." And I disagreed with him. For some people, sifting through your afore-mentioned dreck is something that they're willing to tolerate. But I don't have the time or patience to do that. I would rather remain single and wait for the right person to come into my life naturally and organically ... someone I know through my social circle (friends, family, etc.). If that means that I have to sacrifice 50 fruitless "dates" with people who are in no way "good to go", it's totally worth it to do my own thing for as long as it takes.
It's like the old saying goes, the definition of insanity is going the same thing over and over again and getting the same results.
Yup. A male friend recently asked me, "Well, if you want to meet someone, the only way is to find someone online." And I disagreed with him. For some people, sifting through your afore-mentioned dreck is something that they're willing to tolerate. But I don't have the time or patience to do that. I would rather remain single and wait for the right person to come into my life naturally and organically ... someone I know through my social circle (friends, family, etc.). If that means that I have to sacrifice 50 fruitless "dates" with people who are in no way "good to go", it's totally worth it to do my own thing for as long as it takes.
I understand and feel the same. I'd rather meet someone the "old fashioned way" too, i.e. face to face, through a mutual friend or coincidence (in real life). I think it's way safer as you can read the body language right away and know if they're worth your time or not, no matter what they say.
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It's like the old saying goes, the definition of insanity is going the same thing over and over again and getting the same results.
Moderately attractive male 35, S, never married, no kids, and I've had "luck"-well, in terms of meeting people anyway. Some of the dates/people kind of sucked, but so far in 2.5 months I have met seven different women and currently have three "in the chamber", so to speak. I have also been moderately selective with who I date (no single mothers).
Male, using Match.com. Elements for success:
1. Even if you are attractive, you will still be lucky to get a response rate of any higher than 15-20% from the women you send emails to (see number 4). FYI- women get about 3-4x that amount of attention, based on the feedback I have been given.
2. If you are trying to get a decent woman, don't in any way be overly flirtatious, mention sex, past partners, how hot she is, or any of that nonsense in your emails and texts.
3. If you are not physically attractive, you need to be grounded in reality and not bother with those out of your league. If you are an 8, go after 8's. If you are a 5, go after 5's.
4. Persistence, especially if you are male. It's a numbers game and the odds are stacked against you. Even average looking women on the sites are getting emails from 5-6 different guys a day.
5. If you are male, be 5'10" or taller.
~~TIP: Search by the newest members first, especially if you are a male looking for a female. When they are new, they haven't been bombarded with emails by every John Doe in the next three counties, thus they are less likely to have the over inflated egos that the women that have been on there for two-three months have.
I have tried online dating. I admit I usually create a Plenty of Fish account out of boredom just to laugh at some of the ridiculous messages men send. It's no secret I get attached to men to easily, and I figure online dating gives you a little time to chat and see if you have any common ground. I've actually only had 1 date, I'm very hesitant to meet someone I do not know. And that 1 date pretty much burned my hide on the online dating. Excellent date, spent about 3 hrs together, sweet little hug at the, a text me as soon as you get home, 2 more days of texting after than then nothing. I did let myself begin to text one other man after that, and the conversation went so well that for 3 days we texted unless we were sleeping, then nothing again. I decided that stuff just isn't worth my time!
Online dating is tough, and this is just my experience solely from a man's perspective....and this is solely my opinion, and do not mean to offend, but online dating is mostly a lady's realm. Many years on and off for me and a few single male friends I have, has produced just about zero results. IMHO, often men have to send out huge amounts of messages in order to get maybe one or three responses. No thanks, self esteem takes quite the dive on these sites. lol.
Last edited by folkguitarist555; 02-06-2014 at 07:01 PM..
1. Even if you are attractive, you will still be lucky to get a response rate of any higher than 15-20% from the women you send emails to (see number 4). FYI- women get about 3-4x that amount of attention, based on the feedback I have been given.
2. If you are trying to get a decent woman, don't in any way be overly flirtatious, mention sex, past partners, how hot she is, or any of that nonsense in your emails and texts.
3. If you are not physically attractive, you need to be grounded in reality and not bother with those out of your league. If you are an 8, go after 8's. If you are a 5, go after 5's.
4. Persistence, especially if you are male. It's a numbers game and the odds are stacked against you. Even average looking women on the sites are getting emails from 5-6 different guys a day.
5. If you are male, be 5'10" or taller.
~~TIP: Search by the newest members first, especially if you are a male looking for a female. When they are new, they haven't been bombarded with emails by every John Doe in the next three counties, thus they are less likely to have the over inflated egos that the women that have been on there for two-three months have.
Esp for older men, their response rate will probably go up if they message women closer to their own age as well. When I look at men's profiles and see what they put for age limits, I don't even bother with them if they put a range of ages that starts at 20 or more years younger (and sometimes ends at 5 years younger than themselves) even if I'm within that age range. Also, maybe this isn't fair, but I don't bother with them if there's a convertible in the photos--I may be mistaken but I tend to sense that he's looking for a younger woman when I see that. Also, as women get older the number of messages they get goes way down--I think I'm moderately attractive but I've certainly never been besieged by messages and my rate of replies is probably less than 30% and I don't just go for the most attractive ones either--after all, they are the ones who are looking for much younger.
Also, the last tip? When I first sign on is when I get the most interest--my mailbox is never as full as it is on the first week. Believe me, OLD has done nothing to inflate my ego! It's deflated it a few times, but fortunately no one has ever said anything really mean to me on there.
Now, another thing you said: "due to the feedback I have been given." Given by whom? Ya know, I'd probably pad the numbers too in conversation b/c I wouldn't want my friends to know that I'm not desired, but on here I'm totally honest about these things and your friends may be exaggerating their popularity. Or, they're a lot younger than me. And I can guarantee that if a woman does get 5-6 messages a day, half of them will be too stupid to even consider, like "hay thur."
And, I don't give a sh*t how tall he is. Who cares? It helps that I'm only 5'3" but my dad was shorter than me and no less a man for it.
As to the OP: I go back and forth--sign on for a little while, go on a few dates, quit in disgust. Wait a few months till I get desperately lonely and/or things aren't working out IRL and dive back in.
Ok I am a 48 year old male, single dad, living in Germany. divorced once, widowed once. For me online dating is a great thing. I work full time, look after my Daughter and have a few sports and hobbies leaving me no time or money to try and meet anyone the old fashioned way. I don´t have the time or desire to hang out in the local bars and the clubs are full of 16-30 year old´s. Online there are tons of women in about my age range. I have had a number of dates all okay and now and then it has clicked. I am seeing someone I met online now.
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