Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,940,305 times
Reputation: 40635
Advertisements
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou
I found a lot of men like that where they wanted to be in a string of long term relationships without marriage. Not my thing as I wanted marriage and didn't want to date several men for several months then move onto someone else. Been there, done that.
If one of those relationships ended it was just a relationship that shouldn't have led to marriage.
When people ask me if I "want to get married", my first retort is "to you?". Getting married for the sake of getting married does not make any sense to me.
So often in dating I found that many women have an idea of the family they want, the house, the lifestyle, etc and they're just looking for the man to plug in the wedding picture. It's incredibly insulting and a huge turn off.
If one of those relationships ended it was just a relationship that shouldn't have led to marriage.
When people ask me if I "want to get married", my first retort is "to you?". Getting married for the sake of getting married does not make any sense to me.
So often in dating I found that many women have an idea of the family they want, the house, the lifestyle, etc and they're just looking for the man to plug in the wedding picture. It's incredibly insulting and a huge turn off.
But many people just want to date around. I don't think one should marry just to marry but likewise I'm not interested in dating around.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,940,305 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou
But many people just want to date around. I don't think one should marry just to marry but likewise I'm not interested in dating around.
I've rarely, very rarely, met people that just want to date around unless they just got out of a LTR or marriage and want to focus on themselves for awhile, which makes sense; or they're younger and focusing on school/career (pre 30 generally). Most people are open to meeting someone for something serious, they just won't commit for the sake of committing. The person has to be something really special to be worthy of a commitment. Of course, if you ask them on a first couple of dates "what are you looking for" and proclaim "I don't casually date" you won't get what you want to hear for an answer, nor should you expect to. Way way too early for such conversations and it reeks of an agenda.
More people should be like that in my opinion. I see lots of people get out of relationships and within a couple of months they're right back in a relationship that will last a good while. Sure, they may have just gotten lucky (if so congratulations), but I think with most of them they just don't want to be alone and they're not as very selective as they should be. There is nothing at all wrong with dating for years, even a decade, in the quest to find a truly special someone. What is the rush? Meeting someone at 50 is no less special than meeting someone at 30.
I've rarely, very rarely, met people that just want to date around unless they just got out of a LTR or marriage and want to focus on themselves for awhile, which makes sense; or they're younger and focusing on school/career (pre 30 generally). Most people are open to meeting someone for something serious, they just won't commit for the sake of committing. The person has to be something really special to be worthy of a commitment. Of course, if you ask them on a first couple of dates "what are you looking for" and proclaim "I don't casually date" you won't get what you want to hear for an answer, nor should you expect to. Way way too early for such conversations and it reeks of an agenda.
More people should be like that in my opinion. I see lots of people get out of relationships and within a couple of months they're right back in a relationship that will last a good while. Sure, they may have just gotten lucky (if so congratulations), but I think with most of them they just don't want to be alone and they're not as very selective as they should be. There is nothing at all wrong with dating for years, even a decade, in the quest to find a truly special someone. What is the rush? Meeting someone at 50 is no less special than meeting someone at 30.
If someone is casually dating (meaning no sex)then I have no issue and it makes sense. However casually dating means sleeping with people and that's a disease waiting to happen.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,940,305 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou
If someone is casually dating (meaning no sex)then I have no issue and it makes sense. However casually dating means sleeping with people and that's a disease waiting to happen.
First and foremost, though, is that according to the Association of Psychological Science -- which has actually studied the effectiveness of OLD -- the purported "algorithms" these sites use don't match people based on the two key things needed for a successful LT relationship: a person's ability to communicate effectively and how well he or she responds to stressful relationship situations.
Looking back on it, the reason my ex-S.O. and I didn't work out was because I neglected these two very important factors and based our relationship on superficial things that we had in common. I think that had I met him IRL first, through mutual friends or at the workplace, I would have soon picked up on the fact that he's a poor communicator and that he is just not really good under duress.
This is only one reason OLD is not for me.
Are there any other people who wouldn't choose to use this way to meet a prospective love interest? If so, what are your reasons?
I'm not buying it. Regardless of HOW you meet someone, it is your own responsibility to find out how well he communicates and manages stressful situations.
I've gone out with dozens of men who I was 90% plus compatible with, and of course i was not actually compatible with them, so I certainly was not expecting to find a 99.9% guy who would be the man of my dreams. It's just one evaluative tool of many that I can use to decide if I should even meet a man, let alone have a relationship with him.
Would you really expect to find Mr. Right based on simply an algorithm? One that is not based on data that even screens for how good a person is under duress?
You've gotta find that out for yourself by spending time with a person...which isn't done online.
I'm not saying OLD is the be all and end all. It's just one way of meeting people. It's up to you to determine if he/she is the right person.
I'm a female who has been on and off dating sites (and personal ads, before online dating was ever invented) for the past 35 years. There are simply no other ways to meet guys, period. Think about it _ there are plenty of women like me who don't drink so we don't go to bars, don't like crowds so we don't go to Social events, don't attend church, don't have many same-sex friends to network through, and work in jobs where meeting men is nearly impossible. Online dating is literally the only option. For me, the biggest turn off are the profiles that read like a guy's application for either sainthood or lover-of-the-year. I don't want to hear what a loving, compassionate, loyal, honest person you think you are. I'll judge that for myself. Neither do I want to hear that you like to kiss & cuddle. The mental image of kissing and cuddling a stranger is totally disgusting. Why won't men just write simple profiles about their likes, dislikes, and everyday activities????? That is my only complaint about online dating. (BTW, the acronym OLD is an unattractive one. Took me awhile to even figure out what it means. Why must today's society abbreviate everything like that?)
Last edited by us2indaup; 01-27-2014 at 07:01 PM..
I'm a female who has been on and off dating sites (and personal ads, before online dating was ever invented) for the past 35 years. There are simply no other ways to meet guys, period. Think about it _ there are plenty of women like me who don't drink so we don't go to bars, don't like crowds so we don't go to Social events, don't attend church, don't have many same-sex friends to network through, and work in jobs where meeting men is nearly impossible. Online dating is literally the only option. For me, the biggest turn off are the profiles that read like a guy's application for either sainthood or lover-of-the-year. I don't want to hear what a loving, compassionate, loyal, honest person you think you are. I'll judge that for myself. Neither do I want to hear that you like to kiss & cuddle. The mental image of kissing and cuddling a stranger is totally disgusting. Why won't men just write simple profiles about their likes, dislikes, and everyday activities????? That is my only complaint about online dating. (BTW, the acronym OLD is an unattractive one. Took me awhile to even figure out what it means. Why must today's society abbreviate everything like that?)
Good point. At this point I'm too busy to do any of these things(bar, social events, etc) too. I'm also relatively new to the area and don't have friends. I've managed to meet guys in this city and in the city I lived in before, despite this. I didn't use OLD either. I met men while out(they asked for my number), or through jobs.
I feel like OLD doesn't have to be the only option unless you want it to be. When I'm ready to date again I would simply go to social events that allow me to meet men that share my interest. I just can't do OLD...
If one of those relationships ended it was just a relationship that shouldn't have led to marriage.
When people ask me if I "want to get married", my first retort is "to you?". Getting married for the sake of getting married does not make any sense to me.
So often in dating I found that many women have an idea of the family they want, the house, the lifestyle, etc and they're just looking for the man to plug in the wedding picture. It's incredibly insulting and a huge turn off.
But that's just how many women are: as natural as the morning dawn. And as alien as "married for the sake of getting married..." is to many of us men. Nothing...nothing...makes me want to get in the car and burn rubber the **** out of there as fast as possible, when that topic is broached in such a matter.
...and that attitude is truly my "cross to bear." I accept that, hence the resoundingly subjective "success" of OLD for me in-particular across a decade and a half.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
