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Good point. I didn't consider this--that some people use OLD to find what is much more difficult to find in there daily life..
This is actually the ONLY reason to use dating sites, IMO. It's all about meeting people beyond those you encounter in your day-to-day life. Otherwise there would be no point, at least for me.
Beyond that, it's just dating, same as dating people you meet through any other outlet. It's not "online dating" so much as "online meeting." People who expect anything other than this will be disappointed. People who view it for what it is will find it to be a useful tool to supplement their dating lives.
Last edited by nearnorth; 01-24-2014 at 10:13 PM..
I have noticed the same thing among my friends, too. A handful met wonderful men through online dating sites, but just a handful. Most of my female friends go from one short-term relationship to another, and it doesn't seem to change the older they get.
Your friend's experience was also my experience, but I have no intention of dropping my standards just because OLD didn't work out for me. These are dudes on dating sites, for crying out loud. I don't mean to sound snarky, but I have dated novelists, journalists, film directors, academics/researchers, and CFOs. The type of guy I typically attract IRL would never be on one of these sites.
I refuse to settle too. I forgot to mention her husband lost his job so she now has to support him and pay his child support. I have met decent men on sites job wise, but definitely most of them were lacking job wise and quite a few had jobs that were ones guys in their 20's have, not men in their 40's and up.
I'm curious to know what physical or occupational type that would be. I haven't spent much time perusing men's profiles online, but for women in my area I've seen everything from ugly to smoking hot, and from retail workers and factory workers to corporate executives, surgeons, and successful entrepreneurs. I assume the range of men is similar.
Well obviously the range of men is similar--you'll have everything from the bottom of the totem pole, to the top. However, the "top" of the totem pole, typically isn't necessarily relying on online dating to meet someone, since they already have far more options than those that are not as attractive, wealthy, etc. I'm not saying that my "type" fits into the very wealthy, or very attractive category. HOWEVER, I will say that none of the guys I've been attracted to and spoken with, or dated, have used OLD. They haven't needed to--they meet women on the regular, in person. They also tend to be extroverted and always out and doing things, and are not online, or on the computer as often(unless work related), so they aren't really into using sites like meet-up, or match.com, or any other site where you "meet" up with people that you met online.
That's basically what I meant--that I have noticed that the guys I gravitate toward, don't use OLD anyway, because they have their pick of women IRL and don't necessarily see the need(or at least that is the opinion that a few have expressed). I feel the same way. Now this could change, as I age, or based on where I'm at years down the road, but right now, it isn't something I've felt like I needed to do to meet a man that met what i was looking for in terms of my physical standards, and other "at face value" things. The issues I struggle with, are more along the lines of "emotions"--and how a man is emotionally and how he relates to me in that sense, and OLD would not be a good way to gauge that for me.
That being said, I understand why some people use it... After reading some points in here, it certainly makes sense. I don't want to knock it, because quite honestly I have never done it. But, then again I haven't felt like it would yield results or like it was necessary. Maybe if I felt like it was something that would be beneficial, or help me "target" a type that I struggle meeting, then it would be valuable, but the men I tend to talk to, date, or be attracted to, don't really use OLD... Neither do my friends, or anyone that I know. I did hear a young girl at my job talking about a guy she met of Match and I was shocked... She's only 22.. I didn't realize it was this huge thing, honestly, until this forum...
Let's not forget you were once a card holding member of this group. Be careful throwing all those stones.
I did note "most likely" to use OLD -- not always. I have high self-esteem (or at least I used to before this debacle), and I put a premium on relationships. That's why I felt highly uneasy on these sites. I don't like treating people like numbers. "Oh, well, that one didn't work out. On to the next!" That's just not a mindset that I have ever had. I typically have to be extremely interested in a man for him to warrant a first date. I have to know something about him first that puts my mind at ease and makes me think that we might be good for the long run. I have typically met people at the university or at parties and social events hosted by mutual friends.
There ARE people who travel to Tibet and/or work with the poor or orphans, you know. I realize you're exaggerating for comedic effect with the "on the weekend" and "saving on Wednesday nights" part, but it appears you're rather cynical toward people with worldly or altruistic outlooks on life. If that's not what you're looking for, move on to someone else.
No, that's not the point. Unless someone is independently wealthy or their company pays them to go zip-lining, I don't place great emphasis on where someone has traveled two weeks out of the year. When almost every single profile I read makes the person sound like they're hopping from one exotic locale to the next (hey, women do this too!), that's going to raise a lot of red flags. Lifestyle compatibility, communication skills, and basic values are far more important than an "exciting life."
I did note "most likely" to use OLD -- not always. I have high self-esteem (or at least I used to before this debacle), and I put a premium on relationships. That's why I felt highly uneasy on these sites. I don't like treating people like numbers. "Oh, well, that one didn't work out. On to the next!" That's just not a mindset that I have ever had. I typically have to be extremely interested in a man for him to warrant a first date. I have to know something about him first that puts my mind at ease and makes me think that we might be good for the long run. I have typically met people at the university or at parties and social events hosted by mutual friends.
Online ruined my self esteem even more than when I worked as a model in my 20's where image was important. I felt like men were either judging me on whether I was hot for them or increasingly my age. I would get upset when the men I liked would tell me I was too old (even though they were usually my age or older)and when undesirable men contacted me.
Online ruined my self esteem even more than when I worked as a model in my 20's where image was important. I felt like men were either judging me on whether I was hot for them or increasingly my age. I would get upset when the men I liked would tell me I was too old (even though they were usually my age or older)and when undesirable men contacted me.
Mine too. I suppose that other people have a higher threshold of tolerance for the kind of shenanigans you describe. I don't. I would rather know when I meet someone if he's interested in me or not. I can't help but to think that the last S.O. -- the one and only that I met on one of these more meat-markety sites -- fit the description of the type of person who uses them. I have never been tossed away so quickly and neatly in my life after a relatively LT relationship, only to find out that he went right back on the same site. It was truly unbelievable.
I think the exact same thing, for the most part. Newspaper and magazine articles tout OLD for people who are "too busy" to meet other people. Really? Too busy to interact with other human beings, ever --? On what planet does that happen? Look, I can be quite introverted at times, but I still get out a lot. And what kills me is that in these profiles, the OLD users bang on and on about having a great social life. Well, if that's so, why haven't they found someone yet? Obviously, there's something really "off" about that person that turns people off pretty instantly.
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Originally Posted by go-getta-J
I agree Melissa. How can anyone be too busy to meet people IRL but can find all the time in the world to waste in front a computer?
These are dangerous assumptions for the entirety of OLD population. If someone has an unusual work schedule or is a FT parent on top of working FT, then their social options really are limited.
I have an abnormal work and parenting schedule that eliminates the possibility of a Fri/Sat schedule to get out. And, when I do get out (such as last night), my companions consist of other women that have kids but are married or pregnant. Not exactly the social crowd that would be on the prowl for prospects, especially when we hit venues that are also populated with married people. OLD is the only consistent outlet that I personally have, but I am so turned off by the experience that I am just preferring to stay single. Mentally, it can take a huge toll on someone that is normally confident, outgoing, fun and pleasant to be around.
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OLD is the only consistent outlet that I personally have, but I am so turned off by the experience that I am just preferring to stay single. Mentally, it can take a huge toll on someone that is normally confident, outgoing, fun and pleasant to be around.
