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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondebaerde
But that's just how many women are: as natural as the morning dawn. And as alien as "married for the sake of getting married..." is to many of us men. Nothing...nothing...makes me want to get in the car and burn rubber the **** out of there as fast as possible, when that topic is broached in such a matter.
...and that attitude is truly my "cross to bear." I accept that, hence the resoundingly subjective "success" of OLD for me in-particular across a decade and a half.
I agree that many women are like this, but I don't think they're "just" like this. Young girls are conditioned in our society to want this through media, wedding magazines, family interactions, princess tales, etc.
But yeah, it is something a guy has to deal with and learn to navigate on the dating seen. Being over 40 though one of the benefits is lots of women have been married once and they got that fantasy crud out of their system.
Good point. I met men while out(they asked for my number), or through jobs.
I feel like OLD doesn't have to be the only option unless you want it to be. When I'm ready to date again I would simply go to social events that allow me to meet men that share my interest. I just can't do OLD...
I've considered this, but I'm very uncomfortable going to social events of any kind, and I'm even more uncomfortable about giving out my phone number. These days, a man can use a phone number - even a cell number - online to find out where a woman lives, and I don't want strange men to know where I live!! With online dating, if a man is worth my time, he will be willing to correspond awhile, then perhaps meet in a neutral, public location. And if he isn't willing to do these things, he isn't my type anyway
I found a lot of men like that where they wanted to be in a string of long term relationships without marriage. Not my thing as I wanted marriage and didn't want to date several men for several months then move onto someone else. Been there, done that.
Most people date until they find the one they want to marry. It's not like you decide, "I want to get married now" and marry the next person you date. Of course there are going to be a string of relationships in the mean time.
If someone is casually dating (meaning no sex)then I have no issue and it makes sense. However casually dating means sleeping with people and that's a disease waiting to happen.
So people should only have sex with the person they're going to marry? There's nothing wrong with that, if that's your thing, but good luck getting everyone else to go along with that.
From what you've written, OLD actually hasn't worked for you, or else you wouldn't be a repeat customer.
I always find it amusing when people say OLD was successful for them in that they met their partner that way but it took 5 years and they had huge dry spells along the way. I guess I'm just not that patient, (meaning if it's not working, I'm not going to devote 5 years to it) and as I said before, not think skinned enough.
Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84
I've had people that were pretty high matches for me with what OLD deems compatible, and when we would meet up, we weren't all that compatible after all.
I was highly matched with someone on both OKC and Match (I did them both simultaneously once as an experiment of free vs paid). He and I have a mutual friend so I asked our friend about him. He and our friend were at an event; Friend chatted me up to him. He acted disinterested in front of others but then pulled our friend aside and asked him to set something up. Then he went home and blocked me on OKC. A couple of weeks later, they ran into each other again and he asked when our friend was going to set us up. Friend asked why he blocked me and was told by the guy he didn't think we'd be a good match.
I eventually met him at a Meetup event. His profile picture was definitely outdated and we definitely were not compatible.
On the other hand, my best friend and I are definitely compatible but he's told me if we'd been online at the same time, he would have passed me over because at the time we met, I was 36 and he was 30 and his upper age limit was 35.
It's a crap shoot no matter how you meet someone, truth be told.
Last edited by NWGirl74; 01-28-2014 at 09:06 AM..
Reason: clarification
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by NWGirl74
I always find it amusing when people say OLD was successful for them in that they met their partner that way but it took 5 years and they had huge dry spells along the way. I guess I'm just not that patient, (meaning if it's not working, I'm not going to devote 5 years to it) and as I said before, not think skinned enough.
Why is it amusing? They met the right person, it just took awhile. If you're looking for a relationship that is supposed to last a lifetime then five years looking for the right one is really very little investment.
We all, or most of us, put 5 plus years into education toward our career and don't think twice about it. Working on finding a mate is a far more emotionally intensive and intimate endeavor.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by us2indaup
I've considered this, but I'm very uncomfortable going to social events of any kind, and I'm even more uncomfortable about giving out my phone number. These days, a man can use a phone number - even a cell number - online to find out where a woman lives, and I don't want strange men to know where I live!! With online dating, if a man is worth my time, he will be willing to correspond awhile, then perhaps meet in a neutral, public location. And if he isn't willing to do these things, he isn't my type anyway
Best of luck, but with being anti social and distrustful by nature, you're going to have a lot of difficulty I'm afraid. There aren't many guys looking for anti social / distrusting people that have walls up. Dating is about having fun!
I always find it amusing when people say OLD was successful for them in that they met their partner that way but it took 5 years and they had huge dry spells along the way. I guess I'm just not that patient, (meaning if it's not working, I'm not going to devote 5 years to it) and as I said before, not think skinned enough.
I was highly matched with someone on both OKC and Match (I did them both simultaneously once as an experiment of free vs paid). He and I have a mutual friend so I asked our friend about him. He and our friend were at an event; Friend chatted me up to him. He acted disinterested in front of others but then pulled our friend aside and asked him to set something up. Then he went home and blocked me on OKC. A couple of weeks later, they ran into each other again and he asked when our friend was going to set us up. Friend asked why he blocked me and was told by the guy he didn't think we'd be a good match.
I eventually met him at a Meetup event. His profile picture was definitely outdated and we definitely were not compatible.
On the other hand, my best friend and I are definitely compatible but he's told me if we'd been online at the same time, he would have passed me over because at the time we met, I was 36 and he was 30 and his upper age limit was 35.
It's a crap shoot no matter how you meet someone, truth be told.
It's why I date and stick to one method. When you start switching it around to try and accomodate too many different people is where you get exhausted. You just have to be yourself and accept whatever may come your way. It's tough to date in general, because as we age our experiences make us up. Some people have good experiences, some have bad experiences, and some have a mixture of both.
For me, I have little patience to deal with a woman who's had men treat her poorly. I just don't want to feel like I'm boosting their ego so they can likely go a date the other guy they may have been pinning after. I know in my area, experiences have really done a number on women I've encountered online. I have some bad experiences, but mostly good overall. I don't want to pay for someone else's mistakes, because I'm not going to make you pay for them on my side. That's one thing OLD has taught me, is that some people will really push you through trial and error to test you. You shouldn't be testing anyone. If you have to do that, then you're just not ready to date in my eyes.
Originally Posted by us2indaup I've considered this, but I'm very uncomfortable going to social events of any kind, and I'm even more uncomfortable about giving out my phone number. These days, a man can use a phone number - even a cell number - online to find out where a woman lives, and I don't want strange men to know where I live!! With online dating, if a man is worth my time, he will be willing to correspond awhile, then perhaps meet in a neutral, public location. And if he isn't willing to do these things, he isn't my type anyway
And this my friend is why online dating sucks for most people. Why set up all these stupid rules. If anything, be a little uncomfortable and meet in a public location. A serial killer is still a killer whether you meet him in a week or 6 months. He's still a killer. All these stupid walls and rules is why OLD is not much fun after a while. It's too much work to meet someone for an hour or less for a coffee or a walk around the park.
Women, I understand that your safety is number one, and I DEFINITELY RESPECT THAT, but this kind of stuff is just a bit ridiculous. I even have a theory that they guy you finally meet, will actually be worse off than all the men you passed up. I say this, because most people aren't going to want to correspond that long with someone, when other options are available. You just have to take a leap of faith and take a chance. There's many dates that happen from online and many women have not been killed. Too much focus is put on the ones that are murdered, because a light is cast on them. No one is shining a light on the thousands of successful dates that have happened via online. It's just ridiculous that people truly want to date like this. This sounds absolutely frustrating!
Both my wife and I on our first meeting were pleasantly surprised how compatible we were. We dated for about a year and a half before I proposed.
I think a huge problem with people who OLD is that the selection is so vast, that they (think they) can be super picky. Sometimes you have to concede a few things on the requirement list to find that special person. It's not exactly "settling", rather coming to the realization that there is no perfect person out there. Everybody has their strengths and weaknesses.
My wife is hardly perfect, but I wouldn't trade her for the world.
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I guess I'm just not that patient, (meaning if it's not working, I'm not going to devote 5 years to it) and as I said before, not think skinned enough.
