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I've tried multiple dating sites and pretty much come to the conclusion that online dating in general is a complete, total freaking waste of time. For me personally, it's an endless cycle of sending out messages to women that I'm interested in and have read their profiles, but 99% of the time I either never get a reply back or get some sort of curt/pissy/one word answer. Every once in awhile, I get to consistently talk to someone and get their phone number, but whenever it comes time to meet them face to face, they almost always flake out in the end. After going through this over and over again, I decided it wasn't worth beating my head against a brick wall expecting different results and deleted my profiles.
I didn't make a lasting relationship or a marriage from online dating (yet), but I met some decent guys. OLD is what it is. It's a medium to meet people. I have quite a few friends who met wonderful significant others online. Just because it didn't work for YOU doesn't mean it doesn't work. The notion that only desperate people go online or there's something wrong with someone who would choose to join a dating website is way out dated. Some of you need to join us in 2014. The guy only looking for a hook up, the jerk who wants to cheat on his wife, the woman who is going to flake out before the first date, the person with baggage not over their past relationship...all those people are out walking around in the real world too where you could meet them at a bar, the grocery store, or whatever. It's not like bad dates are exclusive to online. Use some common sense when you date. If someone wants to text you for a month but won't plan to meet you, then move on. It's not that difficult to filter out people who are being dishonest or wasting your time. Not anymore difficult than filtering those people out when you meet them on the street anyway.
One of my exes -- the one I am most fond of -- had numerous "deal breakers" that would have caused me to completely overlook him, had he been on an OLD site. He was chubby, for one. Outdoor smoker. Non-vegetarian -- in fact, he was a ravenous carnivore, preferring steak, barbecue, and other things that make me go "Ick!" But he and I were perfectly in synch, personality-wise, lifestyle-wise, etc. It was just the wrong time of our lives for us to meet. We still talk about getting back together some day, in fact. He still has all of the same "deal breakers", which turned out to be nothing at all, in the grand scheme of things. In fact, I would have passed over ALL of the men who interest me if I'd seen their OLD profiles.
This is less a detriment with online dating itself, than with the user's personal approach. Online dating is a tool. A hammer is a tool. Dents in drywall are not the hammer's fault, but the result of swinging too hard, using nails too large, in confined spaces, with insufficient preparation, with excessive haste.
It's true that online dating tends to degrade people, reducing them to choices on a menu. But again, this is the user's personal, and not an ineluctably essential aspect of the medium. I look only for three things in a prospective online date: doesn't have kids, doesn't want kids, and does not practice a religion. That's it. Fit those criteria, and if I find your profile, I will send you a message... or at least I did, when actively dating.
Men have a MUCH harder time getting responses in online dating than women. Most sites are probably 80% guys. You can have a well thought out witty little profile and great photos of yourself and you'll still get no replies from most the women you message, even the chubby plain looking ones. A woman on the other hand can put up a weak effort and a 2 sentence profile with mispellings and an unflattering pic and still get 10 emails a day of men throwing themselves at her.
Online dating is hard for both parties. I can understand the frustrations of a woman who has class and is looking for a man with some substance. If she is attractive, she can get 300 messages a day ( And don't kid yourself, the glamour girls love to show that off like they are something special). But even then, she is getting nothing but messages looking for hook ups. That would drive me crazy..
But as a man, this is what I have experienced. The first thing woman from the age range of 18-30 look for is looks. They look for the muscle man, tatoo's, ect. Woman proclaim they love sense of humor, respect, profession, humanitarian.. An average looking man who can have the perfect quality traits listed in his profile, wont even get one message back. But the wannabee player that has tatoo's can write an "About Me' with no substance, poor grammar and spelling, and still get a message or response. Heck, He probably does not even have to write anything!
Classically, woman like to view your profile but never reply to your message. Two conclusions are that your location is too far ( which if you look good, you will at least get a message) or they do not find you attractive.. Which is okay, but you wonder about their fake speech about finding a 'quality guy'.. I at least respond to every message and as a man, If I am not interested I will simply tell them I am not. Too me, ignoring someone is rude and puts you on a pedestal which nobody has online. Also, I receive tons of messages from woman with children, which as a spiritual man, you lose that special connection with that partner. Other men call it "used goods".
I can go on for days but at the end of the day, if you want to pull an attractive woman or guy online, you have to look good. And if your very lucky, you will find a great woman who will take herself seriously or a great guy who will take himself seriously and the two of you will respect each other. But sadly, you will most likely come up with nothing. Just a man who wants sex and a woman who will continue logging into her profile talking to other guys behind your back, looking for the hot guy. Cause why would she if she has you?
Bottom line is people who swear off / dislike / etc. are those who are unsuccessful with them.
People who do well with them have no problem with them.
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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
Bottom line is people who swear off / dislike / etc. are those who are unsuccessful with them.
People who do well with them have no problem with them.
It's that simple really.
It's also quite amazing that people that don't have success suddenly have crystal ball knowledge of the intentions and thought processes of the opposite gender. It's quite amazing. I've never had that inate insight myself.
It's also quite amazing that people that don't have success suddenly have crystal ball knowledge of the intentions and thought processes of the opposite gender. It's quite amazing. I've never had that innate insight myself.
Ha. Put a few pictures of a hot girl on a profile and leave everything else blank and see how many messages you get. Then find out what these people like about you..
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by BMoreJuice
Ha. Put a few pictures of a hot girl on a profile and leave everything else blank and see how many messages you get. Then find out what these people like about you..
What would the purpose of that be?
How about I just put pictures of myself up (a guy), write a decent profile, and meet people that way?
How about I just put pictures of myself up (a guy), write a decent profile, and meet people that way?
That is exactly what every guy should do. But online dating is not widely used for true dating anymore. So being decent doesn't cut it unless you really find the right one.
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