Is our view (on a cultural level) shifting toward polygamy? (boyfriends, girlfriends)
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Honestly only for the wishful thinkers out there......
Anyone who thinks this is the norm should un plug from their tv addiction,
as well as their internet habit & get out there.....
I know a lot of people, with all income levels from all over the world.....
None of them are interested in polygamy......
In order to see where this is considered "normal" you'd actually have to be involved with a social group self selected and comprised of "alternative lifestyle" people. So, by definition, not really normal or mainstream. But is it done? Yes. And while once upon a time I never heard of it happening or never heard of it working out, or when/if such things did, it was super secret or taboo...now I do think that as a society while we aren't necessarily more accepting of this in particular on its face, but we are a bit more "tolerant" in general.
More people have that social libertarianism, that "Hey, if you want to paint yourself purple and wear cat ears, and you're not hurting anyone, by all means make that your new lifestyle. I support the rights of the Purple Cat People even if I secretly think it's completely absurd. What pronouns should I use?"
We all have our own lives to get on with, and no one cares what you're doing as long as you're not hurting society or anyone else.
The real question here is not whether having multiple partners and unusual relationship structures is going to be a more acceptable thing...the real question is, if it did, how would making it legally possible to MARRY multiple people, even work? I mean, the legal end of marriage is really complex. And I can see a lot of it, like the tax bennies, estate bennies, and insurance bennies, being very costly to society or to institutions if suddenly a lot of people did the plural marriage thing and conveyed those rights upon more human beings.
Oh, and I can...not...BELIEVE...that someone brought rape into this conversation. I know, it was last year, so it's a little moot, but man my jaw dropped! If it weren't bad enough people out there implying that if a woman reveals a certain amount of flesh, a man can't be expected to control himself like a person and not an animal, the very notion that if sex is hard to get it's going to JUSTIFY rape as an alternative... Unreal. I mean seriously, the implication there is that if a man can't get chosen as a sex partner, it's kind of understandable if he resorts to rape.
What?? Nuh-uh!
Anyhow.
I was at a discussion group at the BDSM club the other night, there were...10-12 people there, something like that, and the topic was relationship structure. Monogamy, polyamory, and different strengths and challenges and structures in each. Two people there considered themselves more monogamous, the rest of us (none of whom were in relationships with one another) were poly people. Many agreed that monogamy puts an outrageous amount of pressure on the individuals to fulfill all of the needs of their partners and essentially be All The Things to the other person. However it's worth mentioning that bisexuality is a common part of these poly groups working out.
I am presently in a 2-man, 2-woman poly group. We all date one another, and spend time together in pretty much any possible configuration. But we don't all live together, only the married couple involved do. However, I have my own particular issues related to something specific I need and trying to find that outside of the group, but that's a separate matter.
Polygamy/polyandry is of course abjectly impractical, but as an idle fantasy, it's fun to ponder. It creates all sorts of possibilities that are currently impossible. For instance, older men with more resources than remaining years of life, could "marry" a young family (which is to say, a wife who already has a husband), instantly acquiring heirs, a domestic partner, and human presence in their house. Men without much "social capital" (or whatever is the currently popular phrase) could become junior husbands, trading their lucre for, ahem, sexual access – without the bane of prostitution.
The objective would not be to indulge in sexual experimentation, but to very conveniently address various imbalances and social problems; but to reiterate, it's impractical.
We beg forbearance for this interruption. Now back to our regularly-scheduled modern Western world….
Wow, I didn't expect this thread to come up again. For those whose recent replies include references to fantasies, please note the disclaimer at the end of the initial post. This isn't a values judgment on plural marriage. It's just an observation. I also think it's a valid question. If marriage is not limited between one man and one woman anymore, isn't it somewhat arbitrary to argue that it's between 2 people at all? I realize the SCOTUS ruling specifically stated two people but why two? Who is the court to place limits on love?
Again, just some fair questions/observations. I personally wouldn't dream of adding another wife. Aside from loving the one I have just fine I don't see how two or more women cohabiting with one man is constructive for any of them. And that guy...what a glutton for punishment!
Again, just some fair questions/observations. I personally wouldn't dream of adding another wife. Aside from loving the one I have just fine I don't see how two or more women cohabiting with one man is constructive for any of them. And that guy...what a glutton for punishment!
This board is hilariously heteronormative sometimes. We don't live with our girlfriend, but she lives nearby. I know what "sister wives" get out of it, because they share housework and childcare and that's probably all they expect out of life anyway. It's not like that for us. I probably wouldn't mind cohabitation at some point, but I am not willing to give anything up in a legal sense, and I don't feel right about giving someone the status of lesser wife. She has a job and a house and a life, though, so she's not looking for that anyway.
This board is hilariously heteronormative sometimes. We don't live with our girlfriend, but she lives nearby. I know what "sister wives" get out of it, because they share housework and childcare and that's probably all they expect out of life anyway. It's not like that for us. I probably wouldn't mind cohabitation at some point, but I am not willing to give anything up in a legal sense, and I don't feel right about giving someone the status of lesser wife. She has a job and a house and a life, though, so she's not looking for that anyway.
Your own reservations notwithstanding, would you like to see plural marriages made more mainstream? Normalized? Do you think we're heading that way either way?
Wow, I didn't expect this thread to come up again.!
My bad
Honestly if I got along with the other woman I'd consider it, granting it was a logistical necessity. I.e. pioneer days, my husband gets killed by a rock slide leaving me and my 6 kids destitute and alone and Jebedia Jones and his barren wife Mary decided they needed heirs and an extra woman about the home. My kids become our kids, J Jones gets his name sake passed in perpetuity, and I don't have to become a wanton woman or sell off my daughters to survive. Win win.
Modern pologamy in a Western society doesn't make sense logistically so it's natural to assume the arrangements are more fetishistic than practical. I'm kinky enough to understand that, but I wouldn't involve children.
Your own reservations notwithstanding, would you like to see plural marriages made more mainstream? Normalized? Do you think we're heading that way either way?
I don't have any specific opposition. I am just confounded how to solve the issues of divorce, inheritance, next-of-kin rights, and so on when there are 3+ parties instead of 2.
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