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Your married friend is not acting in the right. It is his wife who has ruined her reputation by her affair. He is perfectly free to divorce his wife. If he doesn't, and keeps the matter hidden, its quite likely she will continue or do it again with someone else since she got away with it. I suggest he stop being a wuss and confront his wife now.
I broke NC with my friend and responded to his text message. Things were never the same though, not the same intensity communicating as before. We communicate less now. He and his wife have gone through counselling and they are working on fixing their relationship. We don't talk about his relationship with his wife anymore. I do enjoy that we talk about lighter things like fashion etc. He would send me a message or so when he is thinking or just made a purchase.
His wife got the designer purse that she wanted (LV). It was one of the reasons of their major fights since he found it unjustifiable to spend so much on a purse. We live in a third world country and the cost of a designer purse could easily be a year's income for most of the population. He gave in and and sent me a picture since I also like purses. I told him to send me a front shot but he said that he will try to sneak a shot. He said he does not want to give his wife reason to make an issue of us communicating. I found it odd when he told me that he also deletes all our conversations now that he is fixing his marriage. Isn't it his wife that cheated so why is acting like he is the one with fault? Again, I will stress that he has absolutely no attraction towards me and I feel the same for him now. I used to be attracted to him but I found that his reaction to the affair as weak. The counsellor even said that he was the first partner to be cheated on not to exhibit any anger. It looks like he is codependent as one of the posters pointed out.
Why on earth do you need to see pictures of her purse?
And you still know too much of his personal business. Why can't you just butt out and stop giving him an audience? What is the benefit to you to know such details of his personal life?
Why on earth do you need to see pictures of her purse?
And you still know too much of his personal business. Why can't you just butt out and stop giving him an audience? What is the benefit to you to know such details of his personal life?
He first sent me a picture of the purse he got for his wife but it was taken from the side. He wanted to know if it was a good purchase (since I also like purses) so I asked if I could see a picture taken from the front because I could not distinguish the model of the purse.
We don't talk personal stuff anymore, just normal topics that friends talk about like current events, food, fashion or travel. That is why I don't understand why he is acting like we are doing something wrong when it's his wife that had an affair.
In this scenario it seems suited for you not to support him. Especially as your story seems to change.
First it's that she was treating him poorly the past few weeks now it's the past few months. Quite telling to me that this change came after someone basically says you two had an emotional affair that may have lead to the wife's physical affair due to lack of attention.
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Originally Posted by cosmic_girl
He never mentioned having any issues with his wife to anyone so I had no idea that for the past few weeks she has been treating him poorly like bringing up money issues and snapping at him on very little things.
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Originally Posted by cosmic_girl
Thanks for your replies. His wife was having an affair before we became close. I think this is the reason why he became close to me, because she has been treating him poorly for the past few months.
First it's that you two have such an attraction that you mutually decide to cut things off but he couldn't keep away for more than a week and now it's that he's not interested or attracted to you in a romantic way. Quite telling to me this he's not interested comes after someone basically advises you not to butt in because you may be doing it out of trying to hookup.
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Originally Posted by cosmic_girl
I think he recognized the attraction so we agreed that we have to control ourselves and not let ourselves fall for each other because we wanted to maintain our friendship. We totally cut contact for about one week then he initiated a text again.
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Originally Posted by cosmic_girl
Is it really an emotional affair when clearly he is not interested or attracted to me in a romantic way?
In this scenario it seems suited for you not to support him. Especially as your story seems to change.
First it's that she was treating him poorly the past few weeks now it's the past few months. Quite telling to me that this change came after someone basically says you two had an emotional affair that may have lead to the wife's physical affair due to lack of attention.
First it's that you two have such an attraction that you mutually decide to cut things off but he couldn't keep away for more than a week and now it's that he's not interested or attracted to you in a romantic way. Quite telling to me this he's not interested comes after someone basically advises you not to butt in because you may be doing it out of trying to hookup.
I admit that my stories are not consistent because my friend did not reveal everything to me outright. He suspects that the affair intensified on January and he found out on March. His wife's treatment got worse during those months but before that he was already treating him badly. The wife has been having an affair even before we became good friends.
I am also confused about the mutually cutting things off part of our friendship. BUT I do know that he is not capable of cheating because he never flirted with me even during the time he found out that his wife cheated. Just as one of the posters mentioned, he is too codependent om his wife to be attracted to other women.
I just don't understand his intentions And why he has to act guilty or hide our friendship when he was not the one who cheated.
I admit that my stories are not consistent because my friend did not reveal everything to me outright. He suspects that the affair intensified on January and he found out on March. His wife's treatment got worse during those months but before that he was already treating him badly. The wife has been having an affair even before we became good friends.
I am also confused about the mutually cutting things off part of our friendship. BUT I do know that he is not capable of cheating because he never flirted with me even during the time he found out that his wife cheated. Just as one of the posters mentioned, he is too codependent om his wife to be attracted to other women.
I just don't understand his intentions And why he has to act guilty or hide our friendship when he was not the one who cheated.
No...you don't. As someone who was cheated on by her husband, the last thing I would have been capable of was flirting with anyone when my world had been turned upside down.
You only know this guy online, so he is whoever he tells you he is and you have no way of knowing otherwise. It doesn't mean you know him at all and can speak to his capabilities.
Goodness gracious, cosmic_girl, just GIVE IT UP and get out of his business. Just because he did not flirt with you does not mean he is incapable of flirting, but that he did not flirt with YOU even though at the time you may have welcomed it. There's a difference there. What is the point of having a silly online friendship with a married man with so much drama when you can go out, meet others, have real friendships with people who are less self-centered than this guy and where you're not some secret? Heck, maybe even make a friend who will make a positive contribution to your life as opposed to just being an anonymous sounding board for all of his stupid problems and issues.
Jeez. Stop feeding off of this guy's drama and better yet - stop worrying about why he would keep you a secret from his wife when you can tell him the jiiiig is up and you're not "friend". This guy sounds like he's playing with less than a full deck if these are the two biggest relationships in his world.
I've been a lurker for a few weeks and found that a lot of members here give very insightful comments so I decided to create a thread on what has been bothering me for several days.
I have a friend that I met through a forum where we are both regulars for over 5 years. In the past we would only interact through threads but starting January of this year we started to interact through PM. We got close because we were both victims of an NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). We then progressed to emailing then text/viber on February. We are the same age (33) and move in the same social circle so we have a lot in common (friends, interests, experiences, likes etc). The first time we texted each other we found ourselves on the phone the whole day. This went on for about a week. The problem is he is married and has 2 children (first child from his first gf and second child from his wife). I started to feel bad about myself because I felt like it was wrong for me to become close to a married man and take so much of his time. I also did not want to cause any issue in his marriage if his wife starts to notice his being on the phone a lot. I have a rule of not getting close to men that are in relationships (gf/wife) and I started to question my values because of this. Why am I now breaking this rule? He is a man of good character judging from the forum and our conversations. He was never close to other women during his 6 yrs of marriage until us. I think he recognized the attraction so we agreed that we have to control ourselves and not let ourselves fall for each other because we wanted to maintain our friendship. We totally cut contact for about one week then he initiated a text again. We were limited to a few texts, sometimes one exchange for a day. He really has my respect and I know how much he loves his wife. He talks about her all the time. We never had a conversation where he would not mention his wife.
On Monday night (3 days ago), I was surprised to get a call from him at 11:30 pm! He NEVER calls me and it was out of his character to suddenly call so late at night. He told me that he found out that his wife was having a sexual affair with her boss. The wife's boss is also married with children! I was dumbfounded because I knew how much he loved his wife and I never would have imagined this because they seemed like a happy family. I felt so hurt for him because I did not think a good man deserves this. He told me the details on how he confirmed it was sexual and I really felt disgusted on how his wife could betray him like that. He cares for his wife a lot and does not even let her go home alone, he dutifully brings and picks her up from work daily. There were times when he would have to wait for 3 to 4 hrs for her because she has a meeting, turns out those were the times she was having sex with the boss He never mentioned having any issues with his wife to anyone so I had no idea that for the past few weeks she has been treating him poorly like bringing up money issues and snapping at him on very little things. He also noticed that she has been dressing up a lot, going on a diet and always on the phone. That's probably the reason why our one week of texting constantly did not bother his wife, was because she was busy with her boss. She also asked him to buy a pregnancy kit when they have not been having sex for a month or so. All these things triggered him to check on her FB while she was sleeping.
My friend has not confronted his wife about the affair and he has no plans of telling anyone else but me. He scheduled for Catholic counselling next week and he said he will not confront her until then. He wants to protect the reputation of his wife to his family and friends. He also knows that if the affair comes out in the open, the career of her wife would be ruined. He is also protecting his child (6 yrs old) because it would not be good for her to find out her mother had an affair. Since then we have been texting a lot, a few phone calls and I would listen to him. It hurts me to find out more details about the affair and I have been so stressed out that it has been affecting my sleep and work. I try not to say anything negative about his wife and I am keeping my opinion for myself but this is really hard for me emotionally. I don't know what more to do or how to support him. It has been affecting his health and I am worried for him because his family has a history of depression. He does not want to have a broken family because he already came from one and told himself that he would not let this happen to his child. He already feels bad that he did not get to marry his first GF (The first gf also cheated on him so their marriage did not push through). I think this has damaged his self esteem a lot and he is blaming himself because the 2 women he loved in his life cheated on him. His mother also cheated on his father. He wants to fix the marriage only so his child will not have a broken family. He also does not want to go through the complications of splitting assets. But he said that his trust is gone. I really want to walk away because it has been affecting me negatively but I feel bad for abandoning a person who only has me to confide in during a difficult period in his life. I really don't know what to do anymore. I admit that I am attracted to him but I will not act on this. I just want to help ease the pain he is feeling now.
Oh my..Run, run your so being played a fool! .. Last , both of your behavior has been anything but innocent, so please already!~~ There are many forms of adultery, beside right out sex! Anytime you feel the need to hide, keep secrets or delete things from a spouse is a good sign you have crossed a line and know it!
... ......
As a married woman, one thing that irritates me regarding opposite sex friendships... especially between a married man a single female... is a lack of boundaries.
Both of you lack boundaries.
That is a problem for any relationship.
Both of you need proper emotional boundaries.... now.
check your motives and if you are a person who prays, then pray for that person
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And why he has to act guilty or hide our friendship when he was not the one who cheated.
He never mentioned having any issues with his wife to anyone so I had no idea that for the past few weeks she has been treating him poorly like bringing up money issues and snapping at him on very little things. He also noticed that she has been dressing up a lot, going on a diet and always on the phone. That's probably the reason why our one week of texting constantly did not bother his wife, was because she was busy with her boss. She also asked him to buy a pregnancy kit when they have not been having sex for a month or so. All these things triggered him to check on her FB while she was sleeping.
Last , both of your behavior has been anything but 
