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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
If that's the case, how did people fall for each other and got engaged without having sex first in the past?
I don't think that actually happened a lot. Lots of people that married liked / cared for each other, but weren't "in love" as we knew it when they married.
Lots of people "back in the day" did have sex before they married, it was just hush hush;
and lots of people that did fall in love and get married had miserable sex lives and just kept married and put up with it; often because they didn't know any better. That was often more the norm than not.
We have higher expectations nowadays. We want good, healthy loving relationships AND hot sex.
If that's the case, how did people fall for each other and got engaged without having sex first in the past?
I read the Laura Ingalls Wilder books (Little House on the Prairie). In her day, you did not kiss until you were engaged. Then it was one kiss -- no long slobbering, groping sessions.
In the fifties (I think, not sure), it was called "petting" and you had the long slobbering, feeling up sessions.
The sixties/seventies gave us free love -- if it feels good, do it. If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with.
Fast forward to 90's and now -- sex is almost as casual as a hand shake.
If that's the case, how did people fall for each other and got engaged without having sex first in the past?
The sense of connection and assessment of LTR potential comes first, usually. But that happens at different times for different couples. Some may feel it on the first date. Others may not for months. If someone's looking for a marriage partner vs. a casual partner, that would cause some people to spend more time evaluating, before getting more deeply involved. Maybe what you're running into is men who are more interested in a casual partner, while you're screening people for marriageability and long-term compatibility.
The sense of connection and assessment of LTR potential comes first, usually. But that happens at different times for different couples. Some may feel it on the first date. Others may not for months. If someone's looking for a marriage partner vs. a casual partner, that would cause some people to spend more time evaluating, before getting more deeply involved. Maybe what you're running into is men who are more interested in a casual partner, while you're screening people for marriageability and long-term compatibility.
I don't feel like every guy I've dated expected sex early. I just gather from the things that I hear that the "norm" for non-religious adults is early sex, so this is at the back of my mind when I meet someone. For example, I have a 4th date coming up with a guy I just met and he's attractive and seems nice and all, but I'm not ready to get naked with him. Some would see that as a problem.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
I don't feel like every guy I've dated expected sex early. I just gather from the things that I hear that the "norm" for non-religious adults is early sex, so this is at the back of my mind when I meet someone. For example, I have a 4th date coming up with a guy I just met and he's attractive and seems nice and all, but I'm not ready to get naked with him. Some would see that as a problem.
If you're happy with the way you approach sex, good for you. Stick to your guns.
It's really that simple.
I, personally, don't like to date people that think sex should be earned, or they feel uncomfortable having it, or that it is a sacred thing only to be shared with people they're in love with, or are just not sexual beings in general... That is just not me. So, we would not be compatible.
No biggie, most people aren't compatible.
This is really a non issue. Just do what is right for you and hopefully you'll meet a person that is a good connection.
I don't feel like every guy I've dated expected sex early. I just gather from the things that I hear that the "norm" for non-religious adults is early sex, so this is at the back of my mind when I meet someone. For example, I have a 4th date coming up with a guy I just met and he's attractive and seems nice and all, but I'm not ready to get naked with him. Some would see that as a problem.
As long as the man you are dating doesn't, why do you care? Do you broadcast this information to people you are not dating?
Why do some men and women have an expectation that sex should occur early in a dating relationship (e.g. a few dates or a few months max), yet they're more likely to feel the need to date a few years before considering marriage?
I personally don't appreciate being expected to share my body with someone who I barely know (like after a few weeks or months), yet most reasonable people wouldn't expect to get engaged or married after knowing someone for such a short time. So why am I considered a prude for not wanting sex early?
That is a BIG contradiction that I do see on here. If I sleep with a woman too quickly I lose respect and interest in her. I never understood that the "I have to sleep with this person immediately to see if we're sexually compatible". I can teach a woman how to have sex the way I want her to, but I can't turn a hoe into a house wife as they say. I definitely don't think a woman is a "prude" for making a man wait.
As long as the man you are dating doesn't, why do you care? Do you broadcast this information to people you are not dating?
I don't know what the guy I'm dating thinks because we haven't discussed sex yet. I just assume that the guys I date will expect sex before I want it since that seems to be the "norm."
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
I don't know what the guy I'm dating thinks because we haven't discussed sex yet. I just assume that the guys I date will expect sex before I want it since that seems to be the "norm."
So what? Again, so what? You're worrying about things that aren't yet an issue. That isn't logical or healthy.
If you're very confident in who you are, what you want, and why you want it... then none of that should matter. You're sounding shy and insecure with your decisions, like you're dating in fear, that is really unattractive to everyone.
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