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How often does that happen IRL, though? A couple takes their time for several months, only to discover major issues or inadequacies? It's pretty rare, I think.
It happens enough that people write on C-D about it. And in my younger days, when all of my friends and I were single, we actually had a joke about it. "Finally, we got to messing around, and...mwah-mwah-mwah MWAAAAAHHHHH..."
That right there was why I stopped playing the waiting game. Got let down a few times, myself. Not worth it. Three, four dates max. If it doesn't happen by then, I'm just not that into him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by burgler09
You're right, there's a difference between making a guy wait and REALLY making him wait. After a certain amount of time it just gets flat out annoying and it becomes more and more a drag and then it turns into just doing what you can to get laid. Then you feel stuck because you've been with her so long you just want to get a least one lay out of it before you call it quits. It becomes droning, then after you do finally have sex the relationship goes alright for a short period of time and then it ends, because it ended months ago.
However, to say that a woman has to sleep with a guy within the first three dates is also unfair. I don't know too many guys who expect this or would actually leave a girl for this reason.
I can't remember the last time I waited more than three dates. My 20s. In my experience, if someone likes you, and you get along and have common interests, sleeping with him early isn't going to matter. He's going to stick around because he likes you and you have fun together.
I think it's kind of ridiculous the way some people act like their vaginas are some precious bar of gold worthy of security on the level of Fort Knox. It's sex, not signing over your house, bank account, and eternal soul. Crikes.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110
For some of us, finding out how someone is in bed is part of finding out early on if the other person is a good match. I would be highly irritated if I waited three, four, five months, and when the moment of truth arrived, found out he had a micro penis, had a problem with premature ejaculation, bumbled around like he didn't know what he was doing, squealed like a girl when he climaxed, or had techniques I couldn't stand.
For most adults this is the case. Oh, I've met a few (and read a few) on this site that say "If I'm really attracted to them, we can work through the issues" or if "I really like him, the sex can't be bad".
But that is absolutely a minority among adults. If you're attracted to the person, you have sex with them to determine if there is potential. If it doesn't work you might give it a couple of chances... still doesn't work? Goodbye. Life is too short for sub par sex.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperDave72
No wonder dating sucks. It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. Put out too early, you're "easy" and not worth keeping around. Wait too long, you're frigid and not worth a guy's time.
Dating doesn't suck at all, but of course most people don't have this "too early" mindset or "wait" mindset, they go with the flow.
Not sure why you are making that assumption, but its your assumption so whatever works for you.
Oh, please. When women go nattering on about how sex is some precious, precious thing and how they would never, ever have it outside of marriage, and how a man must prove himself worthy of it, it implies that they think the ol' snatch is some miracle to behold, like some Holy Grail, and only a knight of the bravest and rarest order could ever hope to glance upon it and fill it with his hot wine of love. You and a few others have gone on about it. It's gag-inducing, to be honest with you. Sorry, but no one's genitalia is all that. Plenty of good women around who don't play such priggish, prissy games. Then y'all wonder why a good man is hard to find. The women who enjoy sex have them all.
I don't think women are thinking he'll be thrilled with the surprise package. They hold out for as long as they need to for their own reasons in most cases. Longer for some, not too long for others. And when the time comes, as likely as not they're hoping everything will go well, and that he won't think she's too thin or chubby. ("Does this nudity make me look fat?" she asks, looking in the mirror. )
Few would think they're god's gift to man. If people sincerely are in serious "like", if not "love", nothing's going to make any difference. All they're thinking is to be close to each other and enjoy that intimacy.
This is an interesting thread. It also demonstrates an example of why I have no intention of ever pursuing a relationship via "dating".
The way I want it to happen is that we are platonic friends, and over a period of months or years, we develop feelings for each other, and eventually kiss and have sex because we have mutual feelings. I definitely wouldn't want to be with someone who is not a close platonic friend whom I met in a platonic context. Like Wesley and Buttercup in Princess Bride, that's what I consider the romantic and desired way for it to happen. So if the original poster had done it my way, being her platonic friend for months first, yes,I would find it unusual if nothing happened after a few nights spent alone with her.
Unfortunately, in my case, since I don't ask someone out because I want to be friends first, and because I'm ugly and not rich, people are usually "uncomfortable" about my feelings. But I digress.
Since the OP is not doing it my way, and is dating someone he didn't know before,I have to agree with the women that three dates is not enough time.
The opposite of too fast or too soon:
"1) The way I want it to happen is that we are platonic friends
2) Over a period of months or years
3) We develop feelings for each other
4) Eventually kiss and have sex because we have mutual feelings
5) Like Wesley and Buttercup in Princess Bride"
I would shoot myself in the head
Inigo Montoya: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. Count Rugen: Stop saying that!
I'm all for good sex and lots of it in a relationship. But when did this common expectation of sex by the 3rd date begin?
A lot of women say this...but I wonder how many, after 5 years of marriage, still have "lots of it". I'd bet it's more likely they turn out like my wife - once a month if you're lucky.
That's why dating is such a wild card. A guy who likes sex (most men) could say that the woman who waits is frigid and never will change - and lose out on amazing sex with an amazing woman. Or, he could be right, and she really is sexless.
Another guy has a woman who put out on the first date, but is here 4 years later, wondering why his wife has no libido or interest in sex, despite all his efforts to the contrary. Or he could still be tapping that 8 times a week.
Not talking about guys who "wham-bam-thank you maam" by the way. Then he deserves to get nothing if he's not making the effort to satisfy her, and communicate with her about it.
Oh, please. When women go nattering on about how sex is some precious, precious thing and how they would never, ever have it outside of marriage, and how a man must prove himself worthy of it, it implies that they think the ol' snatch is some miracle to behold, and only a knight of the bravest and rarest order could ever hope to glance upon it. You've gone on about it yourself. It's gag-worthy.
I think this is the initial thought of young women (virgins) before they are tainted by the ugly truth of dating. That ugly truth being if they don't put out, the man can get it easily somewhere else.
I agree with Ruth, a woman holds out for her own self-preserving reasons.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daylux
I agree with Ruth, a woman holds out for her own self-preserving reasons.
What the heck is being "preserved"? Both sexes can get attached to people they sleep with, and both sexes have had sex bring them closer to another person... and both have had experiences where it doesn't work out (people dump them right after). I had it happen this past spring, sucked, but she either wasn't into me or didn't like the way we had sex and decided to move on. Oh well. That's life!
I understand some people are trying to protect themselves from getting hurt... but the one really very true thing I've found in dating is if you put up walls and barriers to protect yourself from emotional hurt, you aren't available for real emotional pleasure (you have to open yourself to being heartbroken to be able to fall in love). It's one of the major components of being emotionally unavailable.
A lot of women say this...but I wonder how many, after 5 years of marriage, still have "lots of it". I'd bet it's more likely they turn out like my wife - once a month if you're lucky.
Were you going at it like rabbits before you got married, or was she always reserved about sex?
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