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All this philosophical back and forth about WHO should pay is dandy. But again, it's not the subject... that's another thread. The subject is, if a man makes as much or more than you and never offers to "Treat" you to a date, does that mean he's not really interested in you? I still content the fact remains (at least with me and in my personal experience) that every man I dated who wanted to ask me on a second always paid and turned down my offer to split the bill or for me to pay the entire bill.
So from my point of view and from my experience of the way men treat me, if the man is interested he pays. That doesn't mean I "won't" go out with a guy who asks to go dutch. I am just saying that no guy who has ever gone dutch or let me pay has wanted to go out with me again. I think they realize this early in the date and that's why they jump on going dutch... to cut their losses. And hey, that's a good thing in my book--so no one feels "used." but the guy that feels I am special enough to ask out again... well, he does something special for me. And if we stick together, yeah, sure, you bet I am going to be doing special things for him in the relationship.
My experience has been similar to yours. Actually, my SO is the only one who has been much more agreeable to going dutch than previous men (including my ex-husband). Even my platonic male friends have always balked at me paying for both our meals or mine alone.
I don't know if it's a generational thing or because people are going on a lot more dates/meet-ups because of OLD, but I really can't fathom meeting up with someone you're interested in, and won't spare the money for their cup of coffee too. Are they tight with their money, keep score with all their family and friends as well? Do you always have to get something before you give?
Funny thread ... I don't have this problem when dating because I'm a generous person and expect (and want) to pay for all my dates each and every time.
But, carry on ...
It's very entertaining. Lol
I really could care less because I pay for everything, every single time, no questions, no problems. I just wanted to kick the horse once since I rarely engage in these types of monetary discussions.
I really could care less because I pay for everything, every single time, no questions, no problems. I just wanted to kick the horse once since I rarely engage in these types of monetary discussions.
Do carry on, folks.
If you kick the horse, be sure to wear galoshes and a raincoat and maybe some eye protection. Like I said, it's liquid now
It seems odd that they'd be stuck on dinner dates (instead of coming up with alternatives), then complain about the cost, or that women take them for granted, or that if they don't pay for the woman, she assumes there's no romantic interest.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
Are they tight with their money, keep score with all their family and friends as well? Do you always have to get something before you give?
Bingo. Glad I'm not friends with, never mind date, that mindset of people. There are people, at least it seems from this board, that see paying for a couple of beers or a bite to eat some big investment that they aren't willing to make unless they know the odds on getting some sort of return for that investment. It's bizarre to me. Do these people never take a chance on seeing a band if they don't know they'll like them? Or order a meal if they don't know they'll like it? Or travel to a country that they're not sure if they'll really enjoy it? Or take a chance on a new author? I guess I don't identify with that mindset.
Yes. Women like to be wooed, and like to see interest in the man they're dating. We're just wired that way.
Like many others have said, at the beginning, the quickest way for a man to show interest is to invite a woman out in order to learn about her--which takes the form of dating. So if he's not willing to pay for a few dates, that indicates that he's not really into her.
After the two have gotten to know each other better, most women will pitch in to help with dating expenses.
If you resent having to pay for a couple of dates, you don't HAVE to do it. Just stop dating.
So woman want it both ways. Good, glad you admitted it. Fortunately my chick has paid at lest half the times we've gone out, so I'm good. I just want to expose hypocrsity of the "modern" day woman.
Why are you moving the conversation to money? The issue you bring up is that women want you to pay $$$ for dates. You made relationship a money issue, so now it's being discussed in terms of $$$. That's why.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sage 80
If a man asked me out and did not pay for me on the first date, I would see that as an insult. There would be no more dates.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sage 80
Yes. If he is unemployed or broke, finding a good job should be his focus. Most women are not looking for an unemployed or broke man to date.
There is an order for most things that help life go more smoothly, and with fewer problems. For example,
- Finish college/grad school/trade school, THEN a job/career
- Decent job and savings, THEN marriage
- Marriage, THEN children
Dating is no different. You want to date? Get your life in order. At least have the basics for your stage of life. If you are an adult: have a job, pay down your debts, save money, be responsible, etc.
No one wants to bring someone into their life who will be a burden.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
I agree. If he never offered to pay for me, I would think he wasn't into me. Any guy who thinks you're something special would know that other guys would be happy to treat you, so he wouldn't want to risk losing you over something like that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GravityMan
It's pretty simple...
If a guy genuinely cares about you and thinks you're special, he WILL want to show it in some appropriate and sensible way. Such as treating you to something/someplace nice and offering to cover the expenses. Or giving you a nice gift on your birthday. Or cooking you dinner. Or calling you to see how your day went, or to inquire how well you did on your test/interview/audition/whatever, or hell just to talk and share some laughs. He would not grumble, moan or procrastinate about the above stuff; he would just DO it, and do so with genuine happiness. Initiative is attractive to most people.
The "you" in this case can be his date (although some of the above may be too over-the-top for the first few dates, depending on how well you know each other), or his GF/wife, or his best friend, or his parents or siblings.
The word "sensible" above indicates that he would take his financial situation and other abilities/talents or lack thereof into account. No sane woman is expecting the guy to blow all of his life savings and 401K just to treat her to a fancy date or two. And if he's terrible at cooking edible food, well perhaps it's unwise to cook her dinner.
All of the above applies to women, too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
That's definitely true. I think what's making some of us bristle with the guys who adamantly won't pay for dates is that those particular guys aren't coming across as generous or thoughtful in other ways that would make their dates feel special. It doesn't have to be shelling out big bucks, it could be something like burning her a CD because she expressed an interest in the kind of music he likes or whatever.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
My experience has been similar to yours. Actually, my SO is the only one who has been much more agreeable to going dutch than previous men (including my ex-husband). Even my platonic male friends have always balked at me paying for both our meals or mine alone.
I don't know if it's a generational thing or because people are going on a lot more dates/meet-ups because of OLD, but I really can't fathom meeting up with someone you're interested in, and won't spare the money for their cup of coffee too. Are they tight with their money, keep score with all their family and friends as well? Do you always have to get something before you give?
So woman want it both ways. Good, glad you admitted it. Fortunately my chick has paid at lest half the times we've gone out, so I'm good. I just want to expose hypocrsity of the "modern" day woman.
But if she paid half, then you paid half of the times out. So you HAVE offered to pay. That's what we are talking about. I don't think we really all that far apart. No one here is saying the guy always and forever has to pay for every date. We are just saying if a guy never ever treats a woman to a date (re: makes an effort and invests some effort into things), he's probably not into her. You treat your girlfriend, you just said it. And she treats you too, which is just as awesome.
Well, if you cherry-pick the responses, ignoring all the ones saying it doesn't take spending money, and if you misunderstand posts like fleetiebelle's, that supports the view that it doesn't take money to communicate romantic interest, of course you're only going to reinforce your own agenda.
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