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She gave the impression in her first post that he knew them for a while before she met him.
They've only been together a year and he met them when he was in an exchange program. When would he have had time to meet them after he and our OP started their relationship?
Yeah, idk. But the OP now is saying he befriended them after she and he were already an item. I'm just trying to clarify it all, myself.
He met the girls during a study exchange program. And yes I OK'd it. What fun
hmm....
You ok'd it. Then they came to the US for a visit, and he wanted you to meet them, but you weren't available. And now he's going to visit them in their home country, but he's forbidding you to join him.
While I love Judge Judy, I would not take US as a good example for showing the declining significance of the marriage institution; rather, Scandinavian countries, where the bigger majority of parents live together as a couple for years and even are raising children without marriage.
He met the girls during a study exchange program. And yes I OK'd it. What fun
My whole point is, if you live in America you don't have any legal rights when you are simply shacking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Many people learn this lesson the hard way, as shown frequently on Judge Judy's program. What other countries are doing has no bearing on what happens in America.
If you are writing from another country my apologies for assuming you were an American.
Sorry but the only female a guy can be an honest friend to is someone he has already slept with. If he hasn't slept with her, he wants to. And women should be honest about their male friends, they know that if given the green light that all their male friends would have sex with them.....only men who are gay can have true friendship with a woman. Every woman I know deep down knows this, but they don't like to admit it for two reasons. They don't want to admit that men view them mainly for sexual purposes, and knowing that shows that they are basically leading the guy on if he has no chance. Girl always needs a backup in case of BF problems. I of course am referring to single women.
I sincerely hope anyone who reads this post takes it with a grain of salt. Meaning, the writer is giving an opinion only, and this opinion probably varies greatly from most other opinions you may read.
I sincerely hope anyone who reads this post takes it with a grain of salt. Meaning, the writer is giving an opinion only, and this opinion probably varies greatly from most other opinions you may read.
I usually say to the OP, 'don't let your jealousy get in the way', but I view this a bit different for some reason. While you and him are only dating and not really in a committed relationship, I can see his point. But I don't buy his arguments, in fact his arguments stink. Re-read post #13, understand what Ruth is saying. My advice would be to back off slowly from this relationship and expand your horizons. By that, I mean look for some other male friends who may or could become boyfriends. This particular boyfriend is telling me you don't matter as much to him, as he does to you. That is a hard pill to swallow, but put on your big girl panties, and realize that two can play this game. It is high time you show him there are guys out there who could be very interested in you. You got lots of time, there should be no reason to worry about your clock ticking unless you are already in your fifties, and my guess is you are closer to 20. Don't look at this whole situation as the end of the world, look at it as a new experience for yourself.
I usually say to the OP, 'don't let your jealousy get in the way', but I view this a bit different for some reason. While you and him are only dating and not really in a committed relationship, I can see his point. But I don't buy his arguments, in fact his arguments stink. Re-read post #13, understand what Ruth is saying. My advice would be to back off slowly from this relationship and expand your horizons. By that, I mean look for some other male friends who may or could become boyfriends. This particular boyfriend is telling me you don't matter as much to him, as he does to you. That is a hard pill to swallow, but put on your big girl panties, and realize that two can play this game. It is high time you show him there are guys out there who could be very interested in you. You got lots of time, there should be no reason to worry about your clock ticking unless you are already in your fifties, and my guess is you are closer to 20. Don't look at this whole situation as the end of the world, look at it as a new experience for yourself.
Exactly what I've been saying too.
If his behavior and choices don't work for her she needs to tell him that and move on.
Sitting around bemoaning the fact he wants to vacation with opposite sex friends or letting others badmouth him for living his life the way he wants to is just a waste of time.
Yeah, totally!
And now I'm wondering... As far as relationships go, how much of our 'single selves' is it healthy- or necessary- to keep? You know what I mean, when you are with someone it is easy to lose your own identity; you think for two. When my first serious relationship (2 yrs) broke apart, I had to ask friends to remind me what I was like before I met him. So losing yourself into another person can be dangerous; yet, perhaps some of it is essential for a life-long, serious partnership?
When you are part of a couple, you don't lose your identity, or rather you shouldn't (but some do). I'm still me, I've always been me, throughout the time we were dating, then engaged and now married. Nothing about who I am as a person has changed. However, in a relationship, you are not the only one you need to consider. You have another person in the relationship with their own set of thoughts, feelings and desires. In a healthy relationship, you know how to find that balance, know how to compromise, and prioritize.
OP, I don't see your BF doing that with you. I don't see that you are his priority. Given that you've had trust issues early on, and now this, it may be time to sit back and examine why you're settling for less than what you want out of a relationship. His words and actions show he is content with the way he's living and the choices he's making and you are not. Why stay in a situation that is making you unhappy and not meeting your needs?
When you are part of a couple, you don't lose your identity, or rather you shouldn't (but some do). I'm still me, I've always been me, throughout the time we were dating, then engaged and now married. Nothing about who I am as a person has changed. However, in a relationship, you are not the only one you need to consider. You have another person in the relationship with their own set of thoughts, feelings and desires. In a healthy relationship, you know how to find that balance, know how to compromise, and prioritize.
OP, I don't see your BF doing that with you. I don't see that you are his priority. Given that you've had trust issues early on, and now this, it may be time to sit back and examine why you're settling for less than what you want out of a relationship. His words and actions show he is content with the way he's living and the choices he's making and you are not. Why stay in a situation that is making you unhappy and not meeting your needs?
Because she already went to the trouble to move across the country - gave up her friends and life - to move in with him.
Learning the truth of things is a bitter pill to swallow no doubt
Not because he's vacationing with 2 females, but because he KNOWS you'd enjoy it and he's still not including you in it....just expecting you to eat those feelings.
Don't make yourself miserable. Break up with him before he goes, and plan something fun for yourself around the same time.
If you guys love and miss each other after he returns, you can always consider getting back together then.
No. Don't break up unless you are going to stay broken up. This is not a free pass so he can cheat and it won't be called cheating.
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