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This is a tough one to call. It could be on the level, but if so, why doesn't he want you there? You sound like a nice person, welcoming that other girl, giving her and your bf the benefit of the doubt. I don't know what else to tell you.
Yeah, the reasons he gave me seem weak. I will have to have a serious talk if he gives himself the green light not to invite me as it seems we aren't exactly on the same page. I did a lot for the relationship, that required some sacrifice on my part, but it looks like now it would be better for me to take a step back and focus more on my life, perhaps move to a bigger city for a better job.
The funny thing is, I seem to be gaining more male than female friends here, and I guess given the chance most of them would want sleep with me. I did my best to introduce them to the boyfriend to eliminate the possibility.
Last edited by opiniongirl; 07-05-2014 at 12:10 AM..
Sorry but the only female a guy can be an honest friend to is someone he has already slept with. If he hasn't slept with her, he wants to. And women should be honest about their male friends, they know that if given the green light that all their male friends would have sex with them.....only men who are gay can have true friendship with a woman. Every woman I know deep down knows this, but they don't like to admit it for two reasons. They don't want to admit that men view them mainly for sexual purposes, and knowing that shows that they are basically leading the guy on if he has no chance. Girl always needs a backup in case of BF problems. I of course am referring to single women.
You should be sorry for telling a lie.
There are plenty of men and women who have been friends for years who have never had sex with each other who have never wanted to have sex with each other. It happens, deal with it. If you are not mature enough to be able to have a female friend without having sex with her or wanting to have sex with her that is purely your issue.
Original Poster: You do not live together, you are not engaged, you are not married, you are still just dating. His vacation plans are his to choose whether you like it or not.
You have 2 choices, accept his vacation plans and get over your insecurity and lack of trust or break up with the guy before he leaves for vacation.
Original Poster: You do not live together, you are not engaged, you are not married, you are still just dating. His vacation plans are his to choose whether you like it or not.
Is this coming from a guy? Oh but we do, we share an apartment. And I moved country to be with him.
I admit I mostly just read your headline. Heck no this is not ok. Is he your boyfriend or are they priority? Don't stand for this, it's just going to push you lower on his priority list if you put up with it.
Hey all, thanks for reading this post. Me and my significant other have been together for over a year. One of the things that attracted me to him was how he interacts with people; he is very likable, assertive, the soul of the party and makes as well as keeps good friends easily. He has a lot of female friends- probably even more than male- and they like to confide in him.
Unfortunately, it makes me feel insecure and occasionally anxious about the relationship. I do realize the importance of keeping all kinds of friendships, and I am trying not to be clingy, but there are some things I think that a couple should prefer doing together naturally, one of them being vacationing together.
However, recently he told me he was making plans to go visit two of his female friends abroad in Italy. He had met them on an exchange program and has been keeping in contact ever since; they are friends, and a while ago the girls came to visit him (I was away) - and they had a road trip, having a great time, where he was showing them around the country. They even stayed in one hotel room together to reduce the costs. Now when I asked about why he has not even considered asking me if I would like to come along to Italy, he gave me the following reasons:
- that they want to practice a foreign language I do not know together (not true, I know they communicate mostly in English)
- that couples should do things separately sometimes
- that he does not think I would enjoy it (not true, I love that country!)
- that the girls would find it strange if he brought me along (I do not know them personally but I am pretty sure I'd make friends with them if I had the chance)
- it would make him miss me more (occasionally we live together)
- that it is ok for him to go without me because he is looking forward to visiting my home country with me before that (but for me it is more about seeing the family,and not having fun travelling and exploring that I'd enjoy doing if I went to Italy). I really wish we would travel abroad and have fun together, which we haven't done before.
I am uncomfortable about his close relationships to females, although I do not think he would cheat. He is encouraging me to make more friends (I am in a new location). If I were in his shoes, however, I would have asked my partner to come along and introduce him to my friends. That's why his choice puzzles me and seems unfair, especially since it is not a 'guys only' trip. His reasons do not really make that much sense to me, except that we would miss each other more; I have a feeling he has not told me the real reason.
Could it be that after all he is not really ready to be in a serious relationship? I moved to be with him and it seems I am the more affectionate one. I am more ready than him to make a serious commitment, to even consider starting a family. Not only that; I found out that a few months into the relationship he was unsure if he was ready to be with me and got involved with a female friend who knew me (kissing and fondling). I almost left him because of it, but ended up forgiving on the terms that he never contacts her again (he was not truly sorry about it, and could not understand why I wanted him to stop talking to her, for they were 'just friends' now)- seems he is susceptible to emotional infidelity to say the least. Or perhaps I am not enough...
At first, I tried not to think too much about his vacation plans, but it seems that it does bother me subconsciously, as I just had a really bad dream that I could only explain by making an association to this anxiety.
On one hand, I understand the need to maintain one's identity and integrity when in a couple, as previous heartbreaks taught us both the hard lesson. But then again, how do you hold back when you love, as a close relationship requires vulnerability? And how do I get over this issue of him and his female friends? I do not want to become the 'drama queen'. Do I accept it and work through managing my anxiety (that would probably involve me booking a trip with my male friends for a childish revenge ) and self confidence, or should I demand of him to respect my feelings- or rethink the relationship?
ok read it now. So he's not traveling with them, traveling to their country and you are not welcome to go. That's not great either. What I bolded, just shows how all over the place he is. No. I still say dump him if he can not bring you. He's out of line and showing the beginning of a pattern of being out of line. Nip it in the bud.
ok read it now. So he's not traveling with them, traveling to their country and you are not welcome to go. That's not great either. What I bolded, just shows how all over the place he is. No. I still say dump him if he can not bring you. He's out of line and showing the beginning of a pattern of being out of line. Nip it in the bud.
I'd say, great point. History tends to repeat itself
I wanted to check if I'm not crazy and obsessive over this- I wonder what men posters think of it? Is he really not bringing me there because I would simply disrupt the FRIENDSHIP dynamic? (both of them are hot, by the way).
So far, not so good. Seems like he did not consider bringing me along because deep inside he is still immature and wants to play the single game.
When they were here I was invited to join but couldn't make it. Now I'm not
Let me ask you something ... were you completely ok with him roadtripping with these two hot Eyetalian girls?
This time around, if he had asked you to join them in Italy and you cannot go, would you still have an issue with him going?
I'm trying to figure out whether his relationship with these girls is a red herring to what the real problem is.
Let me ask you something ... were you completely ok with him roadtripping with these two hot Eyetalian girls?
This time around, if he had asked you to join them in Italy and you cannot go, would you still have an issue with him going?
I'm trying to figure out whether his relationship with these girls is a red herring to what the real problem is.
The first time, he told me in advance that they were coming, asked me to join them (but I couldn't), and kept in contact every day while they were on the trip, told stories and shared photos they took with me. So I trusted him.
Now this time, if he had asked me to come with him to Italy to meet them, but I would have had to opt out (no money/time etc), I would have been okay with him going, provided that he keeps me posted and that at some point we go somewhere together. But not only he did not invite me, he specifically told me he does not want me coming along, which is NOT okay with me and brings a lot of questions to my mind.
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Oh but we do, we share an apartment. And I moved country to be with him.
