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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,948,491 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Space_League
well it's because we're interested in results. endless platitudes I've heard have done nothing to change my results. The only thing that changes my results is posing as an attractive male. My cousin is attractive and I've used his tinder account to set up dates with girls who wouldn't even return my greeting. How do you explain that?
Easily. Tinder is a looks based platform so the subset of people that don't place looks at their top priority won't be using the app.
It is a self selecting group and represents their biases.
I have no doubt if I used it I would have little to no success as I'm nothing to look at. In other OLD forums I have success, and I have some, but not a lot, real life success.
It is subjective to some extent but there are some universal traits that women generally find (perceive based on reinforcement - see below) attractive in the West - height and broad shoulders are generally found more attractive per studies done.
I think in general as a society we have been conditioned to become more superficial in our selection of a mate.
The media has blasted us with stereotypes of what we should think is attractive, although people may not freely admit or even realize this but anthropological studies have indicated that what we find attractive is actually strongly driven by societal expectations and perceptions.
What is considered attractive is highly variable across societies. In some Polynesian societies fat women are actually what is considered "hot" and that would of course not be the case in the US.
A woman wants a tall guy not because that's inherently attractive but because tall has been stereotyped as being a desirable trait that indicates power and status in our society and a woman thinks that by being with such a man she has scored big which is a judgement about her own desirability in front of her friends and family. Same goes for men with the concept of scoring a trophy wife which is a validation of his own desirability.
Reality of life does not work quite this way but this is what people choose. Looks fade, circumstances change and making partner choices based on superficial characteristics does not have staying power and hence we very predictably have such a high divorce rate. People realize that the tall handsome guy they married turns out to have a thousand flaws and so does the drop dead gorgeous woman the guy married and the book was judged only by the cover!
I see "looks" as a series of overlapping circles. Venn diagram type thing. Certain combos of features appeal to maybe 20 - 40% or women, other features to other percentages. Symmetry is universally appealing, but those who are really off that way are uncommon.
Confidence and intelligence bump up someone's looks. It isn't 'first looks, then personality' - it is closer to 'I perceive you as better looking because you carry yourself well,' or 'that guy would be hot if he didn't look psycho.' These kinds of things are going to influence your dress, grooming and posture enough that it moves you up the scale by a whole point, maybe two.
I'm not conventionally beautiful. Just cute, but I've never had a lick of difficulty dating guys that I saw as hot. I just need to get them into conversation first, and then I'm bumped up the scale a couple of notches.
looks like it's time to renew your membership at the Rose Colored Glasses Society. No matter what the reason, every human being is attracted to facial symmetry and sexual dimorphism. Understanding this will do nothing to change the underlying qualities that people are attracted to. Either you posses these genetic traits or you don't.
human specimens like this could reproduce with almost anyone they choose no questions asked.
how does understanding human (biological) nature honestly going to help you if you look like THIS:
It is sad that this sort of belief is so ingrained some people just cannot see through it and use their own minds and their own thoughts instead of following the leader of the media/other's opinions pack.
You continue to believe what you want, personally I don't care but I am not the one who ever struggled to have dates, have fun, have a lot of friends, get married, have children and have a life.
This may be the saddest thing I've ever read and clearly it comes from a mind that's either too young to have experienced the world outside of a very small area or you're just pathetic.
I would likely have agreed with this statement when I was a 21 year old that had grown up in a small town but by the time I hit 30 and had moved around and lived in some cities I recognized the inexperience that drives this thinking. You're letting the advertising industry define beauty for you because you haven't been with enough partners to understand the little individual differences that you like and don't like. You've probably got a list of physical attributes that are important to you in a potential partner, but if someone asked you what kind of a sense humor or what hobbies a potential partner might enjoy that would attract you, you'd stand there with a clueless look on your face.
The funny thing is that if you really stick to this thinking you won't learn until you're 45 years old and your gorgeous spouse leaves you after cheating with their fitness instructor because they're just as shallow as you.
I guess I'm just pathetic? I am 21 but I am very well aware of what I like, thanks. I live in the city and I have a lot of friends. I go out with friends and talk to girls. Women enjoy my conversation and my money/status but they prefer all my friends because I am very short with a weak jaw and MPB at age 21. The only way I can pull a girl is if she doesn't even SEE any of my friends.
I'm not sure if you know how much it hurts to bring a girl out with your friends only to have her lose interest in you for your buddies time and time again. Of course good friends don't act on this but the girl gets moody and disinterested during the date.
I'm not looking for a supermodel. I'm not an idiot and I know I'm unattractive. I don't aim for girls above a 6/10 because I know they would only be interested in me to take advantage in some way of my money or get with one of my friends.
I judge women very strongly on personality because I'm certain that most women my age just want the hottest most loud and exciting guys they can find. I know a handful of women who are not like this but they are all religious or got married young around age 20. Of course men are mostly like this too. It's only the ugly guys and girls who have to resort to searching based on personality. Attractive people have so many options that it's guaranteed they will find someone with a good personality.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,948,491 times
Reputation: 40635
I'm really glad these forums didn't exist in my early 20s. I have no jaw line. Bald. Glasses. Average looks on my best day. Earn little. Don't own a car or a house. Am 43 years old.
Yet since 18 I dated and have had sex with cute / attractive women pretty consistently for 25 years. Had girlfriends, lived with a couple, was engaged, have a girlfriend now, many dates and FBs/FWBs in between.
How is this possible with all these things working against me?
I'm really glad these forums didn't exist in my early 20s. I have no jaw line. Bald. Glasses. Average looks on my best day. Earn little. Don't own a car or a house. Am 43 years old.
Yet since 18 I dated and have had sex with cute / attractive women pretty consistently for 25 years. Had girlfriends, lived with a couple, was engaged, have a girlfriend now, many dates and FBs/FWBs in between.
How is this possible with all these things working against me?
I guess I'm just "lucky".
You are lucky brother. In your day there was no social media. You saw the way people here dismiss tinder as a shallow hook up app. For today's teens and 20 somethings tinder is completely normal and acceptable.
That's the #1 most common way of getting ONS for my social circles. Women now have hundreds of options laid out in front of them on tinder. A woman can take a cute selfie on instragram and get 100 likes and comments from guys who are interested. Why would any rational woman choose a weak genetic specimen when she has this many options? That's right she wouldn't.
Back in the 80s there was also a stronger religious culture in the west. Women felt ashamed for sleeping around and for choosing to sleep with a bunch of attractive guys in their 20s only to settle down for a provider type in their mid 30s.
In 2014 we have so many social programs that a woman doesn't even need a man to provide housing and a good lifestyle, she can have 8 or more children out of wedlock and the government will provide her a 5 bedroom council house
Everyone wants someone they are attracted to. Whatever makes up that attractiveness is subjective.
For some it's 99% looks. For some it's 99% money or status or even character. Everyone else falls somewhere in the middle.this goes for men and women.
Look at Lyle Lovett. It's obvious status and character were more important to Julia Roberts when she married him. There are women out there who prize those things more than anything else, although there aren't that many.
The problem for men is that they approach women they are attracted to, and then they have to deal with the rejection if it's not reciprocated. That's some soul crushing stuff there.
Of course You already rejected every other female in your vicinity in your mind. Think about how many women you reject in less than thirty seconds. The women have done the same exact thing, you just don't know until you approach. That's why you need to see signals.
I think that people who are alone and want a mate should try to improve themselves and make themselves more attractive in some way, whether it's in the looks department or something else.
Some women love brainy guys, buff guys, heroic guys, funny guys, religious guys, etc...
Find your niche market and build up to it.
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