Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I understand exactly what you mean about not wanting help and not asking for help. Try very hard to understand that there are some times in life when it's OK to grasp a hand that is held out to you.
I truly don't know what I would have done without the support I received when my husband died. I was numb and totally out of it. I allowed some of my friends to lead the way for awhile. I made my own decisions, but they fielded the little stuff. Hugs from women I hardly knew at all got me through the day. Nights were my own war.
You may just give someone else the pleasure of sharing your burden for awhile. My friends taught me that. They wanted to be part of my life....all of it.....not just the good times. Don't tell them how to care. Just say, "Thank you", and plan to pay it forward some day.
I don't know what to do. I know this person would be more than happy/willing to help me. I just do not feel right. I don't even feel right calling family.
My sister told me if it got like this, and it has before, that I better call her. I just do not asking people for things. It is so messed up. It shouldn't even be like this. It just shouldn't/
I know I may be being unrealistic. I know. I know I am not the first person in the world for this to happen to, and I know he is not the first one in the world to be the way he is. I know there are others who don't even pay child support.
I feel like going outside and just screaming my head off or something.
Of course everyone would think I was out of my mind or something.
Robyn - FWIW, I'm with Rockky and Pirate girl on this one - At some point, many need help. Since it has been offered, accept it. As PG said, at some point, when things are better for you, you can "pay it forward" for someone else who is having a hard time. Yes, it's hard to ask for and/or accept help, especially for an "independent spirit." Sometimes ya just gotta do it.
Also, is there anyway you can try for spousal support with the divorce, or is that time past? It sounds like you need not only child support but also spousal support to get back on your feet....and that's nothing to be ashamed of.
Many women who leave an abusive relationship need help for awhile, some men do too. Please consider either approaching your family or accepting the offer made to you - it will make things easier for you and by extension, for the kids as well.
Spousal support. Yes, I need that, and it's not too late. What a wreck that would be. I think, though, that at this point, if I try to get that, he will give me a very ahrd time with the divorce, and I so do not want that. I just want it to be over and done with.
I know how he is. And he has already said as much. re the spousal.
Oh, I found something he wrote the other day. He has no intntion of ever paying spousal support, because I deserted the marriage, and if I try to get it from him, he will take the kids.
It was this huge list of things he wrote, or someone helped him come up with, it was typed out.
If L requires child care, and you go to the court and ask for more money, I will take the kids.
what a jerk. I was talking to the one who offered help, what did he say, he agreed that he was an sob, as well as a few other things, etc.. re a man who does not take care of his children.
Robyn, you're not borrowing money to buy a TV or take the kids to Disney. Your daughter's medication is not frivilous- it's a necessity. You have no reason to harbor feelings of guilt.
I'm a proud person as well- it was very hard for me to take help that was offered but I wasn't going to let pride get in the way of my son having what he needed.
You're a smart woman- you won't let pride interfere in what's right.
It'll be really substantial when you stand up in court and announce that you had to borrow money from a friend to keep your daughter on her medication- that will make him pathetic in the eyes of the court.
Wel, I got a phone call, and someone has lent me several laughs tonight. I get to go to bed with a smile on my face, so long as I don't let other things creep in. Suppose I can just think of the things he was joking on me about.
This is a man who lives out in the country,my redneck friend. No,not my country boy friend, but my redneck friend.
He jokes on me because I have dial up. He is an electrician by trade, and he tells me he would be happy to come and wire my house so I can run my washer and dryer. But I would have to get running water before I could use the washer... good grief.
I was cracking up. Then I told him he needed to say something nice, after cracking on me for a half hour.
Ok, so he says he wants to tickle me. He asks how my day was... not so good, I tell him. Work or people,, or people at work. I said person. He tells me that we control our feelings. We choose how we feel, no matter what another person does to us, we control our feelings.
On that note, I am going to say good night, and my cop friend feels badly that I got a ticket. He says everyone speeds, I would have never wrote you for that... aww.
I feel special... lol
Ok, this is what is happening right now. I am tired and I have taken the med that helps me relenquish my restless legs issues, and I am getting sleepy and goofy.
Two people wanna know what I am doing this weekend.. have my kids.. good! bring them with you! Nope!
Ok, good night all... I am going to figure something out.
Right now my skin just feels extra good and tingly cuz I just used Noxema on it, and I feel like I am all back in the day or something...
Night! Oh... there is a man who has brought me a bottle of wine, and a bottle of champagne, knowing good and well I don't drink.
It is starting to look like I am an alkie up in here.. today I thought to myself... I bet that wine would just hit the spot.
Redneck friend says he always likes seeing folks with a hangover who don't drink.. says don't even think about it.. I think to myself.. I wont.. lol..
If someone is offering you help, it's because they are able and willing to help.
Remember something about people who help- they get as much, if not more out of the giving than the recipient does most of the time.
And if it makes you feel any better, promise yourself that someday you're going to help someone in their time of need. Nothing wrong with paying things forward.
Robyn,
Ditto on the above-accepting help is good for you-connects you to those who love you. And it is good for the person extending the hand-I learned afterwards from friends how hard it had been for them to watch me struggle to break free. They felt a need to stay out of things until I made my choices but once I was out they couldn't have been HAPPIER to help. Sometimes the people who care about us suffer in silence waiting for us to LET THEM HELP.
Take the help and pass it on later-trust me on this-God does NOT waste talent.
blessings to you
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
They wanted to be part of my life....all of it.....not just the good times. Don't tell them how to care. Just say, "Thank you", and plan to pay it forward some day.
