How can I get him to help clean (how to, family, friend)
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It's a PS4, I wouldn't sell it, I'd keep it, its awesome. I payed for it anyways.
The dog legally is his, I couldn't do that either. We have two dogs anyways and the other is mine.
Sorry, but he won't change.
And he showed his true colors when you were laid up.
Yup. This is who he really is, OP. It took your having serious health problems to reveal it. But now you know. You have a more complete picture of who he is.
By him not doing anything.
He works monday-friday, leaves at 730 (with our neighrbor who he works for) and gets home at 6. He could easily clean for an hour or two and still have time to relax. I work 5 days a week with rotating days off(never the weekends tho) and I leave at 845 and don't get home till 10 and I usually have to turn around and work that same shift the next day so my days off are the only time I have to clean, so for 5 days a week the house is never cleaned and I never can get it done in those two days because there is so much to do. It was managable before the accident but he let it go completely during that time and I haven't been able to recover it since.
It will not change once he gets older. He is how he is. I hoped my ex grows up but he never did.
It doesn't matter how much time he WOULD have if he WOULD want to clean. Him willing to clean doesn't depend on working 10 hours per week or 80 hours per week. He simply doesn't want to clean, no matter how much time he has on his hands.
He would not clean if the would be a stay at home husband either. The house would just be even more messy with him sitting in the middle of it.
He doesn't WANT to clean. You either accept it or throw him out.
I don't think a life changing event (near death accident or whatever) would make him change because it already should have happened when you were so sick.
This right here shows exactly where your priorities are.
Ignore what I posted above and I hope you are prepared to continue to live in a landfill.
So because I wouldn't sell the playstation the only outcome is to live in filth?
Couldn't just keep it and keep the house clean myself too with him gone.
It's also a blueray player. Once he finally does leave I still need something to watch movies on once I have successfully cleaned the house and need to reward myself.
So because I wouldn't sell the playstation the only outcome is to live in filth?
Couldn't just keep it and keep the house clean myself too with him gone.
It's also a blueray player. Once he finally does leave I still need something to watch movies on once I have successfully cleaned the house and need to reward myself.
If you really believe he is going to actually leave you have yet to find the edge of reality let alone reality itself.
Until you forcefully put him out he will not leave, why should he? You keep making excuses as to why you can't put him out, why you can't do this, why you can't sell that.
He not only has the gravy, he has the entire train as well; just wait until he brings a girlfriend home.
I've already essentially dumped him.
We have separated finances. We do not share money anymore. I have another bedroom set up, we sleep in separate areas for the most part.
I just can't put him out on the street. We're 1100 miles away from home. I told him he could stay and save up money to leave or he can be part of a relationship and we don't have to do this crap.
what do you mean "from home"? does he have family there? if he does, when you kick him out, he can go with his family.
It sounds like you dont want to kick him out, but the truth is that you should.
You two started fighting even before this crisis? Fighting because you lost your together time, due to opposing work schedules? Then the accident put an added strain on the relationship?
The marriage obviously is going through a tough time. Sometimes these things can be overcome, if a change in work schedule can eventually be worked out. But that wouldn't resolve his lack of support for you. One thing I've noticed is that some men just don't deal with other people's illness well, whether a friend's or an SO's. Due to some sort of deep-seated issues of their own, they're not able to open up, be supportive/nurturing, and go the extra mile. They're just not wired for it. It seems like this crisis has revealed a fault line in your SO's character. You're finding out more about who he really is, and it's not someone who's a good match with you. He's not going to transform into a different person, and start cleaning and happily helping you out. That's how I see it.
He used to be different. It's not change per say but just going back to how he was.
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki
I was married to someone like this. He was a slob and not just a slob like leaving clutter around - a slob that made unsanitary messes. We agreed it would be his job to take the trash to the dump (there was no trash pick up). I can't tell you how many times we got maggots in our garage from the trash piling up in the summer. I worked full time and it was exhausting trying to keep the house clean with zero help. If your boyfriend really cared about you he would have stepped it up with you being down and out from your injuries. The point of being in a relationship is to have someone that supports you. What positives are you really getting out of this relationship?
The truth is there's nothing you can do to make your boyfriend help you clean. You were in an accident for crying out loud and he still wouldn't help! I would give him a couple weeks to find a new place and then he's out of there. I really wouldn't care if he doesn't have anywhere else to go or doesn't know anyone else. This situation is miserable for you and he's not even trying to make things better.
Guess I'm still holding on to the positives that used to be there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1986pacecar
I don't get the whole slob thing. How can anyone be so friggin' lazy? Is it really that hard to pick up after yourself?
I don't get it either. None of my stuff has ever been like this. I used to once a month, tear my room apart at my mom's, I'd get trash and old stuff completely out, I'd get rid of stuff I didn't use, I would reorganize and rearrange my entire bedroom alone. Every month I'd do a deep clean. Our place back home never got this bad either and it was about the same amount of living space since we don't use one of the bedrooms here or the entire upstairs since both are storage right now. (It's my great grandmothers old house and their stuff is confined to my great grandmothers old bedroom and the upstairs.)
what do you mean "from home"? does he have family there? if he does, when you kick him out, he can go with his family.
It sounds like you dont want to kick him out, but the truth is that you should.
We have one car. Mine. He has to save up to be able to get a UHAUL to put HIS stuff in, which isn't much but he can take this damn bed it hurts my back anyways. He still has to save up for that and then leave. We live in the south, family is out west and we're 1100 miles from them. He doesn't have family here or any real options to go stay with, especially not having a car and living next door to the person he works for. If he left he'd have no way of going to work and then he'd have no money to go home.
I'm just too nice of a person.
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