Getting my boyfriend to be more affectionate? (young, separate, kid)
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No he said I remind him of girls who act like a victim and that I deserve what I get.
Look, you should have dumped this ahole the minute he pushed you when you first started dating. That you didn't turn around and walk away from him then and there taught him that he can treat you like crap and get away with it. And for four years, you have been rewarding him with cooking, cleaning, and sex for treating you like a collection of holes.
He will never change. He has no reason to. From his perspective, you like being treated like garbage, and he's happy to oblige.
Yes, there does come a time when it's your choice to put up with his behavior. That time is now. Either leave him or be quiet and deal with it. You don't get to complain about someone you deliberately choose to stay with for no good reason that anyone, not even your friends and family, can see.
I am confused though. Women want the "nice, affectionate" guy, but then then want the " I dont care guy". At what moment in time of what days should guys be "nice" then be "bad"? I feel like there is a schedule on this. Just a thought......Anyway, back on topic....
You're confused. It's clear now that you haven't had much, if any, experience with women. There are some women out there who go for the bad guy, but most want the supportive, affectionate, fun guy.
You're confused. It's clear now that you haven't had much, if any, experience with women. There are some women out there who go for the bad guy, but most want the supportive, affectionate, fun guy.
Again, see the previous posters after my statement. I would like to think I have some people understanding were I am coming from. I have had GFs. I have female friends. I have been single for a while but I do have female interaction. A lot of girls in their 20's look for the bad guy. It is almost a fact. In order to get to the women that dont look for that garbage, a lot of decent guys have to do a lot of "sifting through the duds" before they find a good one(they are out there). Im not saying that she necessarily WANTS the bad guys, but what she is recieving from him is the bi-product of what she is with. She is putting HERSELF in that situation. She does not HAVE to stay with him. Its her choice and it has been her choice for 4 years.
Look, you should have dumped this ahole the minute he pushed you when you first started dating. That you didn't turn around and walk away from him then and there taught him that he can treat you like crap and get away with it. And for four years, you have been rewarding him with cooking, cleaning, and sex for treating you like a collection of holes.
He will never change. He has no reason to. From his perspective, you like being treated like garbage, and he's happy to oblige.
Yes, there does come a time when it's your choice to put up with his behavior. That time is now. Either leave him or be quiet and deal with it. You don't get to complain about someone you deliberately choose to stay with for no good reason that anyone, not even your friends and family, can see.
I didnt mean to complain about him. I never even really talk about this stuff. At least not to people I know. I guess I was just venting.
Heya, M3, if you click the little button with the + and the quotation mark directly to the right of the quote button, you can select several posts and then respond to them all at once in one big post. The more you know...
Then go for it! Guys who'll be all over you and will care about your needs are out there. You still haven't explained why you're still with this one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by upsadaisy;
I don't know. He says he's just not like that & he goes on rants about guys that are and how un-necessary it is.
Once he had shrooms (which was out of character for him) and he was randomly super affectionate but that was three years ago.
Quote:
Originally Posted by upsadaisy;
No he said I remind him of girls who act like a victim and that I deserve what I get.
You're convincing me more and more he's a potential abuser. He believes you deserve physical abuse. He rants about dudes who have normal human needs for affection. Rants!
This is one sick cookie, ma'am. I think you're holding out on us. I think there's more to this story you're not telling us. I agree with the Queen, who said earlier you should get some counseling about this relationship, to get a healthy perspective over it, and to get to an understanding of why you're putting up with this.
Y'know, it's like the saying goes--love isn't supposed to hurt. Right now you're putting up with emotional abuse. Withholding of affection, rants about how lame normal dudes are who give their gf's affection (and receive their gf's affection! It's supposed to be a 2-way street), accusing you of playing victim and telling you you deserved what you got (that was a warning for the future, even if it hasn't happened since), using you for sex without giving you what you need. It's not normal behavior.
At some point in the future, he'll shift into high gear, and show you what he's really capable of. I wouldn't stick around for that if I were you, but I know you don't believe it's a risk.
OP, what are you waiting for, exactly? Do you see yourself marrying this closet psycho, and if so, how long do you plan to wait?
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Gotta love a moody, aloof, sarcastic jerk. You picked a winner!
