Getting my boyfriend to be more affectionate? (dating, marrying, female)
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I am confused though. Women want the "nice, affectionate" guy, but then then want the " I dont care guy". At what moment in time of what days should guys be "nice" then be "bad"? I feel like there is a schedule on this. Just a thought......Anyway, back on topic....
Don't EVER be the I don't care guy. Problem solved. Not all women want the I don't care guy. In fact, most don't.
I get it now. The explanation is in her post about mom who has drug and alcohol issues. The boyfriend doesn't have to be an addict for the codependency to be in the relationship. Rejection and lack of love is what the OP is familiar with, so it's no big surprise that she's chosen someone who treats her in the way with which she is familiar. She is giving up her own wants and needs for someone else. All he has to do is throw a few crumbs here and there, and she'll think it's love because she's never known anything better.
OP, someday please read the book, Codependent No More. It's about you. Not about him. You.
I don't know. He says he's just not like that & he goes on rants about guys that are and how un-necessary it is.
Once he had shrooms (which was out of character for him) and he was randomly super affectionate but that was three years ago.
This tells me what kind of guys you are attracted too. I come across far too many girls like this that will complain about their boyfriend, then when I see/talk to/meet their BF, I think "she should stop playing the victim if that is what she wants." .......I'm tired of the "victims." I hope im not being harsh. Im genuinely sorry if I am.
This tells me what kind of guys you are attracted too. I come across far too many girls like this that will complain about their boyfriend, then when I see/talk to/meet their BF, I think "she should stop playing the victim if that is what she wants." .......I'm tired of the "victims." I hope im not being harsh. Im genuinely sorry if I am.
You aren't harsh. You are correct. And her bf is right. It isn't necessary for him to show her affection because she has always settled for less. No one can take advantage of you without your permission.
This tells me what kind of guys you are attracted too. I come across far too many girls like this that will complain about their boyfriend, then when I see/talk to/meet their BF, I think "she should stop playing the victim if that is what she wants." .......I'm tired of the "victims." I hope im not being harsh. Im genuinely sorry if I am.
He only did them that one time. He doesn't do drugs now. He can't because of his job even if he wanted to.
Sorry if my post reminded you of people you dont like.
I don't know. He says he's just not like that & he goes on rants about guys that are and how un-necessary it is.
Once he had shrooms (which was out of character for him) and he was randomly super affectionate but that was three years ago.
You can have it too. There are plenty of guys who would treat you the way you deserve.
Yes, some people are not very affectionate, but the complete lack of affection is not really the norm, and getting mad about it is definitely not normal. Sex does not count as affection. Many escorts will not kiss their clients because that is too intimate for them, so in a way your boyfriend is treating you like an escort. I am sure you don't want to be treated like that.
Maybe your boyfriend has some unresolved issues, maybe it was the way he was raised, who knows. What is important though is that you are not happy, and you deserve better, you really do.
I totally get that you love him, that he is your first, that you guys have a special bond, and have been there for each other during some rough times. It does sound like in many ways you have a very special relationship with him, but that doesn't mean he is the right guy for you.
Maybe sit down and talk to him, tell him how much this bothers you, and if he shows no interest in your feelings then it may be time to move on. It won't be easy to move on without him, but you will be okay. Remember, life is about changes, it is about learning about others and yourself, and just because this relationship ends, doesn't mean it wasn't important. We live and learn.
It sounds like you have been taking care of everyone and their needs, now it's time to take care of yourself and your own needs.
No he said I remind him of girls who act like a victim and that I deserve what I get.
It didn't sink in at all though, because you APOLOGIZED for it.
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