Getting my boyfriend to be more affectionate? (feelings, relations, issues)
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I'm sorry but I have explained it the best way i can. I feel like he "gets me" in a lot of ways and he has been there for me. I feel like we were brought together for numerous reasons.
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He doesn't "get" you in two of the most important ways needed for a successful and loving relationship. He doesn't "get" your need for affection, and he doesn't "get" your sexual needs, like foreplay.
He doesn't "get" you in two of the most important ways needed for a successful and loving relationship. He doesn't "get" your need for affection, and he doesn't "get" your sexual needs, like foreplay.
Okay well I want to change that. But people here say it isn't possible. It's not that big of a deal but at least I feel better knowing how I feel is normal and everything.
I'm sorry but I have explained it the best way i can. I feel like he "gets me" in a lot of ways and he has been there for me. I feel like we were brought together for numerous reasons.
Well I keep up the house and have things that need to be done at home. But I have to divide up my time.
Sometimes at the end of the day though I would like a hug or to be kissed on or some affection. That's all.
You haven't explained anything. You've used nothing but the vaguest terms. If anything that you say is true, you'd be able to provide examples.
You need to understand that we are basing observations off of what YOU have written. Whether or not you realize it, you haven't presented him to us in the most glowing terms despite your protestations that it is "meant to be."
We've all been trying to explain to you that you cannot change him. So it sounds like you need to accept him as-is.
It absolutely is normal to want affection from your significant other. It is NOT normal to accept a life void of affection. Some people are more affectionate than others, that's true, but if the person you love asks you to be more affectionate, you try to show them that you care. You don't just expect them to like it or lump it.
Okay I understand what you mean. I just meant he is the one that starts it to the person who said he isn't into it.
If you're talking about me, I don't think I said he doesn't initiate, just that I get the feeling there is a severe lack of excitement.....no, passion on his part. I think you do all the pleasing, and he reaps the benefits. He gets off and he's done. What's in it for you? He doesn't do anything for you before your roll in the hay, and he doesn't do anything after. I find it hard to believe he's so good, that your needs are met in under 5 minutes.
He's your first, and I can tell you right here and now, that you don't have a clue what your missing, simply because of his lack of effort.
Quote:
Originally Posted by upsadaisy
Okay well I want to change that. But people here say it isn't possible. It's not that big of a deal but at least I feel better knowing how I feel is normal and everything.
It is a big deal!! Why can't you see this? What isn't normal, and what should ever be normal, is for you to think this is normal to live like this!!
I get it now. The explanation is in her post about mom who has drug and alcohol issues. The boyfriend doesn't have to be an addict for the codependency to be in the relationship. Rejection and lack of love is what the OP is familiar with, so it's no big surprise that she's chosen someone who treats her in the way with which she is familiar. She is giving up her own wants and needs for someone else. All he has to do is throw a few crumbs here and there, and she'll think it's love because she's never known anything better.
OP, someday please read the book, Codependent No More. It's about you. Not about him. You.
I don't think thats true. My mom started having her problems after me and him got together. She was never this bad before. But she always loved me she still does. Shes just sick right now and not her old self.
I am confused though. Women want the "nice, affectionate" guy, but then then want the " I dont care guy". At what moment in time of what days should guys be "nice" then be "bad"? I feel like there is a schedule on this. Just a thought......Anyway, back on topic....
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