I want a baby and my husband doesn't and wants me to stop getting upset about it (male, mistress)
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The thing is, men and women in their 20's have no idea how strongly hormonal changes can affect psychology. They have no idea there's a sort of time bomb built into the relationship, if they both agree not to have kids when they marry. And it's a real crap shoot, because the time bomb doesn't happen to all women. I know several who got through the 30's without that happening. But most women do experience that drive to have kids. It's just nature, it's not anyone's fault.
Yeah, I don't think there is an easy answer to this. All I know is I have been very up front with every woman I dated stating that I had a vasectomy and that I never wanted kids, EVER. In fact, I have always disclosed this very soon. This was a deal-breaker for the vast majority of the women I dated, which is fine. I have zero regrets. I understand how women may change their mind in their thirties, but don't expect the men just to go along with this. I have to say I'm astounded by some posts here suggesting faking birth control and such. I think to me this is more reason for people not to marry until their thirties.
Yeah, I don't think there is an easy answer to this. All I know is I have been very up front with every woman I dated stating that I had a vasectomy and that I never wanted kids, EVER. In fact, I have always disclosed this very soon. This was a deal-breaker for the vast majority of the women I dated, which is fine. I have zero regrets. I understand how women may change their mind in their thirties, but don't expect the men just to go along with this. I have to say I'm astounded by some posts here suggesting faking birth control and such. I think to me this is more reason for people not to marry until their thirties.
Don't get married. Then there won't be any question.
Again if you don't want kids why would someone ever get married? If I was single right now I would be out having a grand ol time. Never understood voluntary "child-free" marriages. Marriage is for creating a stable environment in which to raise children. Sorry to be cynical but that's why it was invented.
I have to say I'm astounded by some posts here suggesting faking birth control and such. I think to me this is more reason for people not to marry until their thirties.
Good point. I know one couple where the wife faked an "oops". I often heard her hubby telling people how terrified he was of having the responsibility of raising a child. (I'm pretty sure his father had been abusive, and that's probably why he didn't want kids. No positive role model, plus lingering trauma.) Then she faked another "oops". The poor guy never suspected, he just went along with it. They fought a lot about money, though, because she quit her job and exercised her SAHM option, even though she'd been the primary breadwinner. She started pressuring him to get a better job, even though he wasn't qualified for anything better than what he had.
Women on hormones... *whew* Sometimes all you can do is duck for cover.
Good point. I know one couple where the wife faked an "oops". I often heard her hubby telling people how terrified he was of having the responsibility of raising a child. (I'm pretty sure his father had been abusive, and that's probably why he didn't want kids. No positive role model, plus lingering trauma.) Then she faked another "oops". The poor guy never suspected, he just went along with it.
What a coward! Or I could use a stronger word starting with P
I know that even though my wife is 41 and using contraception that she could still get pregnant. It's something that every man must live up to. If we had another kid, I would be totally fine with that. She is in control of the situation if I'm sticking it in there without wrapping it up. She misses a pill and doesn't tell me, oh well!
What we thought we wanted in our teens, twenties, thirties often looking back from our 40s and 50s we shake our head in disbelief.
I would have picked a different college, a differnt major, even more crazy would not have regretted if one of my girlfriends from when I was single in my twenties or early thirties got pregant. Knda cool to have an older grown kid to hang around with and have the younger kids too.
You laugh, but two girls I dated in my late 20s who would have loved to marry me or have a kid I feel bad as I wasted two years of one girls time and one year of the other girls time during their prime late twenties husband hunting time. One never married and the other got married at almsot 39 and did not have kids.
Both girls most likely if they could turn back time. Which they cant would have just got pregant by me. Why I would 100% marry a girl friend I got pregant and I dont believe in Divorce.
I am extremely happy with my wife and three kids. However, from these two girls point of view they made a mistake
Good point. I know one couple where the wife faked an "oops". I often heard her hubby telling people how terrified he was of having the responsibility of raising a child. (I'm pretty sure his father had been abusive, and that's probably why he didn't want kids. No positive role model, plus lingering trauma.) Then she faked another "oops". The poor guy never suspected, he just went along with it.
Yep, happened to me too when I was in my twenties. She informed me of this after she had broken up with me, AND she had a miscarriage. Why she told me of the miscarriage I'll never know. After this I got a vasectomy and never had to worry about it again.
Don't get married. Then there won't be any question.
Again if you don't want kids why would someone ever get married? If I was single right now I would be out having a grand ol time. Never understood voluntary "child-free" marriages. Marriage is for creating a stable environment in which to raise children. Sorry to be cynical but that's why it was invented.
Swingers who live the Lifestyle I guess stay childless.
What we thought we wanted in our teens, twenties, thirties often looking back from our 40s and 50s we shake our head in disbelief.
I would have picked a different college, a differnt major, even more crazy would not have regretted if one of my girlfriends from when I was single in my twenties or early thirties got pregant. Knda cool to have an older grown kid to hang around with and have the younger kids too.
You laugh, but two girls I dated in my late 20s who would have loved to marry me or have a kid I feel bad as I wasted two years of one girls time and one year of the other girls time during their prime late twenties husband hunting time. One never married and the other got married at almsot 39 and did not have kids.
Both girls most likely if they could turn back time. Which they cant would have just got pregant by me. Why I would 100% marry a girl friend I got pregant and I dont believe in Divorce.
I am extremely happy with my wife and three kids. However, from these two girls point of view they made a mistake
Don't feel bad about that. That's normal dating behavior.
Honestly, If someone told me upfront that none of my kids would ever have children I might question point of having them.
As Humans like other Animals in nature we want kids so our genes and family line carries on. If our kids dont have kids we went through a lot for nothing.
Only problem with Mother in law butting in is she did it too late. She shoudl have brought them up while the daughter was of child bearing age.
Honestly if you dont want to have kids dont get married or get married to a women who is sterile. Actually I take that back. My buddy who had twins with first wife remarried in mid thirties to a women who was medically incapable of having kids. He has a vascetemy himself already. After they were married he said one of main reasons he was attracted as she cant have kids and wont bug him to reverse his vascetemy and he has no step children to support and when it is his turn to watch kids and he has a business trip she could watch his kids for free. Apparantly the marriage ended a few months after he disclosed this.
Everyone has parents. The logical conclusion of your position is that everyone is obligated to reproduce, whether they want to or not.
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