Should I pay for my girlfriend's dinner's if her friends or family is inviting me out? (couples, romantic)
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Well I haven't seen my friend in months, and I thought that if I move it back to the original date, she would be okay with that. Plus she is available and we see each other everyday. A friend from out of town only comes in a couple of times a year. However, I see your point. But isn't there a fine line to be able to see your friends you haven't seen a while, when they are free to do it, without having to feel like an *** about it?
Well I haven't seen my friend in months, and I thought that if I move it back to the original date, she would be okay with that. Plus she is available and we see each other everyday. A friend from out of town only comes in a couple of times a year. However, I see your point. But isn't there a fine line to be able to see your friends you haven't seen a while, when they are free to do it, without having to feel like an *** about it?
Again--priorities. Sometimes scheduling conflicts like this happen, and being with someone you love, someone you're TOTALLY INTO (which you don't sound like you are) is the top priority. I know all it is to you is a scheduling change. But you have to look at it symbolically, like women do. It's so much more than just a date on the calendar to them.
There must have been a reason why you didn't schedule it for the 18th. Too bad it happened the way it did. Ya know, this whole relationship sounds like it's a bit of a burden to you, instead of something that brings you positive energy and generates positive energy for you. I'm sure there are good times, but it shouldn't be such a struggle to make these decisions.
I guess the reason why it's not top priority is cause everyone said she was manipulating me on this thread. I can tell her I will keep the plans for the 30th. Not sure why we made them for the 30th, since the 18th is the anniversary. I do not remember. But I will keep them since it honors the commitment to her.
Well it's just weird timing cause everyone on this thread have said that she is a manipulator towards me. So I guess I did something wrong, but it's weird to come out all positive towards her about it, if she was just manipulating me about other things, as others have said on this thread. I just want to know if this is manipulation cause others said she will do it again, or if I am in the wrong this time? I also feel that since she is testing me since she originally wanted to do it on the 18th anyway, before we switched plans. I think either date would work for her, and she is just testing me to see if I will commit. I don't normally mind being tested by a gf, but everyone on here said she was manipulating me, so I am not sure how to respond to a test if that's what she was doing before.
I don't know. I wouldn't say it's manipulative of her to make you stick with the 30th, but I don't know her. I think it's a legitimate complaint, whereas expecting you to pay for limitless dinners (especially when unemployed!!) wasn't.
But here's the thing. Just because we told you she was using you doesn't mean you can suddenly treat her bad. If you choose to stay in the relationship, you're either in or your out. There's no halfway. You either make the best of it, or you leave. Keeping one foot in and one foot out doesn't work, see what I mean? All she sees is that you've decided to stay. So she expects you to behave like you're fully committed to the relationship. That's a reasonable assumption from her perspective. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen to be the case--you're not fully committed. But acting like you're not fully committed by going out to see another women (?!) on your anniversary is only going to make a big mess. There's no point in staying in the relationship if you're gonna do that. You need to be consistent, one way or the other.
On the other hand, I suppose an argument could be made that she could be generous towards you and say it's ok to change the anniversary date. But you already know that when she says something like that's ok, it really isn't. And that's not unusual for women. They might give in, but harbor resentments. An anniversary is a big deal.
Okay thanks. I am not going to see 'another woman', she is just a good friend, that's all. However, the reason why I was not sure how to react to it, was because I am filled with being manipulated because of what people said on here, so I am ready to defend myself if possibly manipulated again. I had to check to be sure. I will stick to the date then.
Okay thanks. I am not going to see 'another woman', she is just a good friend, that's all. However, the reason why I was not sure how to react to it, was because I am filled with being manipulated because of what people said on here, so I am ready to defend myself if possibly manipulated again. I had to check to be sure. I will stick to the date then.
Ya know, your feelings about these things should be your own. Do you feel like you were manipulated before, or don't you? And yes, it's helpful to keep a watchful eye out for more manipulative behavior, but one should be able to put things in perspective, too.
However, I think that since there was a precedent for your scheduling issues on an important date, that her complaint is probably legitimate, not just an excuse to get on your case again. But it's hard for anyone from miles away on a computer screen to know for sure.
Do you own a pocket calendar? I suggest you get one and use it religiously to schedule events and appointments in your life. There are small ones that let you see a whole month on a single page. Very useful for avoiding scheduling conflicts.
From my perspective....She doesnt want to break up because shed be losing her bank account AKA: You. Of course she will say ANYTHING and everything + make promises to stop you, make you feel bad, second guess yourself!
Im all for a guy paying but with FAMILY functions, no.
Well she said that she is now okay with me not paying for them and she was just use to that because of her culture. but she is now okay for sure, and it will not bother her if that's what I want, she says.
However, I am not sure how to read her now. Maybe she was trying to get into the bank account, maybe it was because of her culture. I know a scheduled it wrong two years ago, but I didn't get it wrong this time. My friend only informed me she was coming in, two weeks ago, as oppose to planning as anniversary date, before that.
From my perspective....She doesnt want to break up because shed be losing her bank account AKA: You. Of course she will say ANYTHING and everything + make promises to stop you, make you feel bad, second guess yourself!
Im all for a guy paying but with FAMILY functions, no.
There's also a thing about saving face in front of relatives and friends. If he dumps her, she'll lose face.
Well she said that she is now okay with me not paying for them and she was just use to that because of her culture. but she is now okay for sure, and it will not bother her if that's what I want, she says.
However, I am not sure how to read her now. Maybe she was trying to get into the bank account, maybe it was because of her culture. I know a scheduled it wrong two years ago, but I didn't get it wrong this time. My friend only informed me she was coming in, two weeks ago, as oppose to planning as anniversary date, before that.
Im a girl, she is not suddenly fine even though she is saying she is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewbiePoster
There's also a thing about saving face in front of relatives and friends. If he dumps her, she'll lose face.
I agree.
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