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It makes it sound like she's got you on a leash after seven months and not much is expected from her because she's apparently so gorgeous and has men chasing her. Not my cup of tea, sounds extremely exhausting.
I think you are too hung up on the small things and not focusing on the bigger picture. Do you like her? Do you laugh with her? Do you feel comfortable with her? Are you attracted to her? Can you see this going somewhere?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lafleur
It makes it sound like she's got you on a leash after seven months and not much is expected from her because she's apparently so gorgeous and has men chasing her. Not my cup of tea, sounds extremely exhausting.
Yeah, on a leash. And where do you get not much is expected of her? I'll tell her that next time she makes me dinner (under the guise of me learning how to cook). We'll have a nice laugh.
I said early on. We're not early on. She's pretty, yes, I doubt most would say gorgeous (she is to me) but most women that are even decent looking and charismatic have people hitting on them. I see the lives of my female friends, it is non stop. So early on I'm going to have to make it clear that I want to see the person and take them out. Nothing wrong with that. She, like most women I know, can have a full social calendar (friends, dates, dancing, etc) every night of the week without trying. Pre relationship stage I need to make sure I'm on that calendar until we get to know each other and the dynamic changes.
You seem to need some timelines and rules and all this stuff. I don't know why, other than you sound frustrated and tired. Dating is fun. I actually enjoy dating, and I enjoy asking someone out, planning a date, executing it, etc early on. It is enjoyable. You're not having fun.
Yes, I'm no longer actively dating women right now because I can't wrap my mind around their unrealistic expectations that EVERYTHING falls on the guy with no reasonable timeline for them to start initiating and showing that they are interested in you being in their lives. Girls who are interested in you WILL initiate things because they want you in their lives. And it does not take months for this to happen. That has been my experience.
If that means I'll forever be single, so be it. I'm a great person and have a lot to offer and I'm nobody's chump.
Good. So when is the next time youre in DC? Since youre off the maket, you wanna go to a Nats game sometime? Your work must put you near the city a some point, no?
I think you are too hung up on the small things and not focusing on the bigger picture. Do you like her? Do you laugh with her? Do you feel comfortable with her? Are you attracted to her? Can you see this going somewhere?
I think its rude of her to stand you up Saturday. But then again, it was probably payback for deserting her after sex last week.
And there lies the problem. The relationship can never grow if two people are making moves to get under each other's skin. That's not a relationship to me.
Yes, I'm no longer actively dating women right now because I can't wrap my mind around their unrealistic expectations that EVERYTHING falls on the guy with no reasonable timeline for them to start initiating and showing that they are interested in you being in their lives. Girls who are interested in you WILL initiate things because they want you in their lives. And it does not take months for this to happen. That has been my experience.
If that means I'll forever be single, so be it. I'm a great person and have a lot to offer and I'm nobody's chump.
Maybe it's your timeline that's the unreasonable one. You seem to expect that just after 3 weeks/3 dates, the women take over the inviting role. What if you moved it to 6 dates? Might you get better results? Why not experiment with adjusting your expectations, and see what happens?
What isn't making sense is that if you really enjoy this woman's company, and she enjoys yours, what would stop you from wanting to contact her more? Doesn't that come naturally? With most guys, wild horses couldn't stop them from seeing the woman they're into. This is why some people here think you're just not that into her. It's as if your timeline is more important to you than the woman.
I've initiated every date so far. So clearly I am making an effort to see her in person. I also tried having a phone conversation with her, but it was strained and ended abruptly when her phone died and she decided not to call me back.
I am into her and I've shown it throughout this process. Look at it from my POV though. Does it sound like she's all that interested in me? If you want a guy to chase you around for months without anything substantial developing, then I guess I'm not your guy. I have more respect for myself than that.
It really depends. The women that were really into me had no problem showing it. There have been some. They'd call, text me to ask how I'm doing, etc. So maybe my view has been skewed by how they treated me.
In one month, you only tried phoning her once? That doesn't seem normal. It communicates that you're not that into her. This woman may be as frustrated/confused with you as you are with her. Maybe you two should have a talk, to clear the air and get to a better understanding of each other.
No one has said they expect you to chase women around for months, endlessly. Some of the guys have said, though, that you need to invest around a minimum of two months for confidence in the relationship and a real bond to develop, so that the woman is comfortable in reciprocating and initiating dates, phone calls, and getting all cozy. That stage of dating doesn't happen in just 3 weeks, usually, though YMMV, as clearly it has, from what you say.
Yes, I recall you mentioning the bolded several times in the past. If they were so into you, what happened to them? Why aren't you with one of them? Did they move away or not work out in some way?
Good. So when is the next time youre in DC? Since youre off the maket, you wanna go to a Nats game sometime? Your work must put you near the city a some point, no?
I think you are too hung up on the small things and not focusing on the bigger picture. Do you like her? Do you laugh with her? Do you feel comfortable with her? Are you attracted to her? Can you see this going somewhere?
1) Maybe
2) Yes
3) Yes
4) Yes
5) Yes
6) If she's into me, then yes.
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They'd call, text me to ask how I'm doing, etc. So maybe my view has been skewed by how they treated me.
