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Honestly, without picking on one poster, just using this as an example, this sort of thing probably doesn't really help.
The OP sounds as if she has serious insecurities about whether or not she's able to attract a long-term partner, and that has to do with a lot more than just looks. The OP has posted a picture, and it's plain to anybody who clicks on it that she's not a hideous troll. It's possible that she's not well-aware of this, but I would hope that the OP is well-aware that she is not a hideous troll. Some people genuinely do not see the image the rest of the world sees when they look in the mirror. It is a result of a kind of disordered thinking, the same kind that affects people with conditions such as anorexia nervosa. I'm going to assume that the OP is not one of the people who suffers from this condition. At any rate, though, being pretty, regardless of what people think, isn't, in and of itself, going to be the thing that gets you lasting, quality, healthy relationships. Will it get people's attention? Of course. But that's not what the OP is looking for. Looks help. Not having an attractive physical appearance will certainly hinder, as it will exclude many who will not look any deeper if they aren't impressed by the way the package is wrapped. But looks alone aren't going to get what the OP wants.
There are a lot of reasons why some people who possess physical attributes widely considered to be attractive aren't in the relationships they may want to be in. Chief among them is attitude. I don't know without spending time with the OP how her attitude comes off. But I do know that, at least online, it comes off as (again, not trying to go out of my way to be harsh, just describing what I see) insecure, and rather panicked and desperate. There is more than one post by her where she comes off as exceptionally worried that there is something wrong with her, that others must think there is something wrong with her, that she has failed to reach various preordained benchmarks in the preordained time, and how that reflects upon her. The prettiest person in the world comes off as less appealing if that person oozes insecurity, appears needy or clingy, or desperate to be loved, and on a very stringent time frame. The OP also has come off, in past posts, as somewhat sheltered, which probably also accounts for a lot. We also have no idea of the sort of men that the OP sets her sights on, which may also be a contributing factor to the problem.
But, regardless, "Hey, you're super pretty!" doesn't get you lasting, quality, deep relationships, at least not on its own. It'll get you attention. It'll get you dates. It'll get you guys looking at your picture on a public forum and validating your appearance. But it's not going to get you a solid marriage with a compatible person and a family. Those things take more than just the happenstance of being pretty.
^ You know? That's a good point. I never thought of it this way, sometimes we think that we're just giving compliments but it's not really going to address her problem specifically. Personally, I think she should just live her life to the fullest, and when the time is right for her to meet somebody it will happen.
This is true...it takes a lot more then that...I remember about 10 years ago 2 single males came to my church..It was just me and my friend (small church). I remember we used to all hang out. One of the guys said he talked with the other guy and they both agreed to pursue my friend as they considered me a 10(back then I looked like Britney Spears) at the time and her a 6 or 7 (she looked kinda like little orphan annie). I was shocked. So, they both pursued her. They said it was "safer"..I was thinking "safer" that is not fair! I was a 22 yr old virgin or who was not a threat at all..very good in school never did anything bad..and they judged me. The guy went on to marry the girl and now they have 2 kids and i have to see their smiling happy family on facebook. It just seems like such an unfair world...and it's funny I was actually the sweet one of the two..I have no problems getting dates. had a 2 year relationship and this last lasted 6 months..I've been out with several others in the past month and it all comes down to them wanting to get to know you so they can sleep with you. They don't want to know YOU..I thought i found that this last time. He wanted more then that...except he said i pushed him away because of mine insecurities..now I'm alone and sad everyday..Point is some of the people you think it's easy for as just a hard of time if not harder finding someone truly interested in them and wanting to form a longlasting quality relationship that's not based off superficial means.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
Honestly, without picking on one poster, just using this as an example, this sort of thing probably doesn't really help.
The OP sounds as if she has serious insecurities about whether or not she's able to attract a long-term partner, and that has to do with a lot more than just looks. The OP has posted a picture, and it's plain to anybody who clicks on it that she's not a hideous troll. It's possible that she's not well-aware of this, but I would hope that the OP is well-aware that she is not a hideous troll. Some people genuinely do not see the image the rest of the world sees when they look in the mirror. It is a result of a kind of disordered thinking, the same kind that affects people with conditions such as anorexia nervosa. I'm going to assume that the OP is not one of the people who suffers from this condition. At any rate, though, being pretty, regardless of what people think, isn't, in and of itself, going to be the thing that gets you lasting, quality, healthy relationships. Will it get people's attention? Of course. But that's not what the OP is looking for. Looks help. Not having an attractive physical appearance will certainly hinder, as it will exclude many who will not look any deeper if they aren't impressed by the way the package is wrapped. But looks alone aren't going to get what the OP wants.
There are a lot of reasons why some people who possess physical attributes widely considered to be attractive aren't in the relationships they may want to be in. Chief among them is attitude. I don't know without spending time with the OP how her attitude comes off. But I do know that, at least online, it comes off as (again, not trying to go out of my way to be harsh, just describing what I see) insecure, and rather panicked and desperate. There is more than one post by her where she comes off as exceptionally worried that there is something wrong with her, that others must think there is something wrong with her, that she has failed to reach various preordained benchmarks in the preordained time, and how that reflects upon her. The prettiest person in the world comes off as less appealing if that person oozes insecurity, appears needy or clingy, or desperate to be loved, and on a very stringent time frame. The OP also has come off, in past posts, as somewhat sheltered, which probably also accounts for a lot. We also have no idea of the sort of men that the OP sets her sights on, which may also be a contributing factor to the problem.
But, regardless, "Hey, you're super pretty!" doesn't get you lasting, quality, deep relationships, at least not on its own. It'll get you attention. It'll get you dates. It'll get you guys looking at your picture on a public forum and validating your appearance. But it's not going to get you a solid marriage with a compatible person and a family. Those things take more than just the happenstance of being pretty.
This is true...it takes a lot more then that...I remember about 10 years ago 2 single males came to my church..It was just me and my friend (small church). I remember we used to all hang out. One of the guys said he talked with the other guy and they both agreed to pursue my friend as they considered me a 10(back then I looked like Britney Spears) at the time and her a 6 or 7 (she looked kinda like little orphan annie). I was shocked. So, they both pursued her. They said it was "safer"..I was thinking "safer" that is not fair! I was a 22 yr old virgin or who was not a threat at all..very good in school never did anything bad..and they judged me. The guy went on to marry the girl and now they have 2 kids and i have to see their smiling happy family on facebook. It just seems like such an unfair world...and it's funny I was actually the sweet one of the two..I have no problems getting dates. had a 2 year relationship and this last lasted 6 months..I've been out with several others in the past month and it all comes down to them wanting to get to know you so they can sleep with you. They don't want to know YOU..I thought i found that this last time. He wanted more then that...except he said i pushed him away because of mine insecurities..now I'm alone and sad everyday..Point is some of the people you think it's easy for as just a hard of time if not harder finding someone truly interested in them and wanting to form a longlasting quality relationship that's not based off superficial means.
OP, what insecurities pushed him away, and how? If his claim is legitimate, you should work on resolving your insecurities, as they seem to be holding you back.
And yes, that's insane to make a conscious decision not to pursue you just because you were too attractive??!! Whaaaa?? And to make a decision instead, to both pursue the same woman? How much sense does that make?! It seems like neither guy bothered to get to know you at all, so, in the end, it was no loss to you, because you don't need airheads like that.
Because if she is an attractive 33yr old woman with her stuff together, she has no shortage of suiters. It's based on my life experience. She also said that people were interested in her, just no one that 'she saw herself with'.
My opinion is that she is probably pricing herself out of the market based upon an unrealistic viewpoint of herself.
OP, what insecurities pushed him away, and how? If his claim is legitimate, you should work on resolving your insecurities, as they seem to be holding you back.
And yes, that's insane to make a conscious decision not to pursue you just because you were too attractive??!! Whaaaa?? And to make a decision instead, to both pursue the same woman? How much sense does that make?! It seems like neither guy bothered to get to know you at all, so, in the end, it was no loss to you, because you don't need airheads like that.
believe it or not, when I was younger, I've had men tell me, they were literally afraid to ask a pretty gal out....b/c of her beauty....it isn't easy for a pretty girl growing up....yanno who eventually ends up asking the pretty girls out, "the bad guys". A man once asked me, "how come you always see these stunningly beautiful girls with bad guys? "Because the nice guys fear asking that girl out", I replied, and he looked at me, thinking and said, yanno, you are right....
it is so true....and it's a shame, it is very difficult to be a pretty girl, and even worse, girls envy and dislike pretty girls....
Southern, honestly, when I was young, I wasn't bad looking....didn't think so at the time, but was pretty...
Good guys wouldn't ask me out....and I was told why, eventually I always chose people that I didn't deserve, people that I settled for and also compromised my identity for, my choices, my fault.
So don't you ever settle...or fear being alone....if you are good with who you are, and you know what you want, then hold out for that person, and if he doesn't come along, then it wasn't meant to be...in the meantime, continue to work on all the gifts you possess, to continue to learn and cultivate that beauty....
never settle...or allow anyone to ever treat you less then you deserve....
It's true..all "bad" guys..they pursue and not the good ones..then when they dump you and disappear on you like they do with lots then your self esteem goes down further.like why wasn't I good enough for him to now want me in his life...it's an endless cycle...There has to be one person on this whole planet of 6 billion people that the feelings can be mutual and is good decent person..and there doesn't appear to be...
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee
believe it or not, when I was younger, I've had men tell me, they were literally afraid to ask a pretty gal out....b/c of her beauty....it isn't easy for a pretty girl growing up....yanno who eventually ends up asking the pretty girls out, "the bad guys". A man once asked me, "how come you always see these stunningly beautiful girls with bad guys? "Because the nice guys fear asking that girl out", I replied, and he looked at me, thinking and said, yanno, you are right....
it is so true....and it's a shame, it is very difficult to be a pretty girl, and even worse, girls envy and dislike pretty girls....
sad.....
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And to make a decision instead, to both pursue the same woman? How much sense does that make?! It seems like neither guy bothered to get to know you at all, so, in the end, it was no loss to you, because you don't need airheads like that.