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In her eyes, yes. I'm sure she can rationalize the reasons for why he would have an affair so that she wouldn't think of him as a bad guy, e.g. their connection is undeniable, he got married too young, his wife doesn't treat him well, he loves his kids too much to get a divorce, etc.
All likely reasons to why women do become emotionally connected to the guy. Women are naturally nurturers, so over time how could she not fall for the guy? He's winning her over emotionally, while waiting to strike on the physical part. The emotional part for him is nothing but a scam to end up with the physical. The dynamic shifts and the physical picks up while the emotional tapers off.
As for the woman, she has still fallen in love with the man who she first started talking to, even though that man was nothing more than a fraud. She bet on the story of love, while he bet on the opportunity to have sex.
Also, loneliness is a real thing. If you've been online dating for a couple of years and met people in real life, yet nothing sticks. You can easily find yourself caught up with a person you shouldn't be. You just want someone to love you and sometimes you look in the worst places to find that love.
Last edited by weezerfan84; 04-13-2015 at 12:46 PM..
Didn't you decide about 10 pages ago to call it off this past weekend? Are you now deciding that any port in a storm is better than nothing? That what you have now is ok, because she doesn't hit you or threaten you with frivolous lawsuits? Did you even see your gf this weekend?
There's that money theme again. Fleur, how do you end up with women who fixate on how much money you are, or aren't, spending on them? And battering? o.0 This is a disturbing trend. Why not take a break from dating, until you can figure out what's going wrong with your selection process?
Ruth, if they all wore signs around their necks warning us that they are horrible people or not the right person, we'd all be better off in life. Wouldn't you agree?
However, they don't. So the figuring out is left to me. These are all college educated professionals by the way. The abusive ex was working on her MS in Software Engineering and was devoutly religious. So go figure.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lafleur
Ruth, if they all wore signs around their necks warning us that they are horrible people or not the right person, we'd all be better off in life. Wouldn't you agree?
However, they don't. So the figuring out is left to me. These are all college educated professionals by the way. The abusive ex was working on her MS in Software Engineering and was devoutly religious. So go figure.
It's been quite awhile I dealt with crazy (thankfully) but there aren't always signs. It can come from the wackiest professionals and the most intelligent individuals out there. I think some people don't get that.
Of course, sometimes there are signs and the crazy sex is just worth it.
All likely reasons to why women do become emotionally connected to the guy. Women are naturally nurturers, so over time how could she not fall for the guy? He's winning her over emotionally, while waiting to strike on the physical part. The emotional part for him is nothing but a scam to end up with the physical. The dynamic shifts and the physical picks up while the emotional tapers off.
As for the woman, she has still fallen in love with the man who she first started talking to, even though that man was nothing more than a fraud. She bet on the story of love, while he bet on the opportunity to have sex.
Also, loneliness is a real thing. If you've been online dating for a couple of years and met people in real life, yet nothing sticks. You can easily find yourself caught up with a person you shouldn't be. You just want someone to love you and sometimes you look in the worst places to find that love.
Yup, absolutely. Loneliness, depression, and low self esteem can definitely cause people to seek or accept less than ideal romantic situations. Sometimes people just want to feel something instead of nothing.
I've been dating this woman for over three months and there are some things that really stick out to me that are making it difficult for me to want to commit any further. Some of you may be familiar with her from previous posts a few months ago.
She's 24, I'm 29. So she's relatively young compared to me which might be part of the issue here.
Red flags include:
* She always talks about money. This seems to be a very important thing to her. The other day, she went on and on about how her friend was marrying this rich guy and how he was so perfect for her because she needed a man with money. She also lives this lavish lifestyle (fancy apartment, multiple international trips per year, goes out on the town pretty frequently for drinks/food), but always complains about the lack of money she makes as a school teacher. She once made a remark about whether or not I had an "entertainment" budget when I refused to pay for some drinks of hers (it was because of a bet we made; I offered to pay for one drink).
* I witnessed her do cocaine once when we were hanging out with a group of people at her friend's apartment. She claims that this is not something she does on a regular basis, and I haven't observed any more occasions such as this. But still...cocaine!
* I do so much for her, yet she seems to be more about herself. I've initiated and taken her out many times, paid for drinks/meals, brought her flowers on multiple occasions, taken her out on nice dates, picked her up from the airport when she's needed, cooked her several meals, etc. She's done a few things for me, like cooked me dinner one night in three months and brought me back a small gift from her recent trip to Mexico. But I still feel like I'm not really a major priority to her at this point. I feel like she just sees me as this convenient companion that keeps her company when she's bored.
* After three months of dating, I feel like communication should pick up more. But it's still sporadic. For instance, I didn't hear from her all day Monday, and had to initiate conversation yesterday. We don't really have deep, intimate conversations about our lives. Our conversations seem more shallow. I typically have to rely on my friends to have these types of conversations. On occasion, she'll ask me how things are with work, but it's pretty seldom (I think I can count on one hand how many times this has happened).
Does this sound to you like not a very good fit? Or does this sound like par for the course? Should I hold out and try to grow into this and make it work? I'm just trying not to jump ship so quickly, as that seems to be an issue I have when things look bleak.
Take a look at Briffault's Law and see how much of it is applying to your GFs behavior.
[LEFT]BRIFFAULT’S LAW:
The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.
There are a few corollaries I would add:[/LEFT]
[LEFT][SIZE=4]Past benefit provided by the male does not provide for continued or future association.[/SIZE][/LEFT]
[LEFT][SIZE=4]Any agreement where the male provides a current benefit in return for a promise of future association is null and void as soon as the male has provided the benefit (see corollary 1)[/SIZE][/LEFT]
[LEFT][SIZE=4]A promise of future benefit has limited influence on current/future association, with the influence inversely proportionate to the length of time until the benefit will be given and directly proportionate to the degree to which the female trusts the male (which is not bloody likely).[/SIZE][/LEFT]
I'm still baffled that people don't understand the concept of a discussion board and the nature of how they work. Sometimes these discussions just evolve. People ask questions, make comments, and others respond. That's how this works. There is no limitation to how long a thread can continue on.
Except it's regurgitating the same crap page after page, and at this point looks like a cheerleading session, but is really a trainwreck
Except it's regurgitating the same crap page after page, and at this point looks like a cheerleading session, but is really a trainwreck
No one is forcing you to read this "crap". This is like complaining to a news site that they post articles that you don't like. Well, then don't visit that news site if you don't like the content.
Yes, this is kind of where it's at. I think part of it is because, despite these hang ups, this is still probably one of the best romantic relationships I've had. Sad, I know.
So it seems to me to be pretty obvious that there is not a lot of incentive to jump ship, endure all the dating market bullcrap that I did before this, and potentially end up in another crappy relationship with some clingy nutjob who threatens to sue me for money spent on a date and messages my current GF about it. Yeah, that actually happened. Or we could talk about the ex who wouldn't leave my apartment and hit me on more than one occasion.
I'm just tired of being the only single guy in my entire group of friends. People don't hang out with me much anymore, because they're out with their SOs. It's really a lose-lose here.
From personal experience, just because this woman isn't as bad as the last one still doesn't mean she's any good for you either. You are settling.
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