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I became an uncle a few years ago and while at first I was excited about it, it soon became apparent that it wasn't going to be something where I was free to react in my own way to the whole thing. It absolutely HAD to be a wonderful, amazing, special occasion that everyone was supposed to be overwhelmed by. I've never really been a big baby person OR the kind of person who gets overly excited or thrilled about these things... but the pressure to shower the kid with attention and everything really killed the excitement for me to the point where it was a chore.
Maybe I'm going to sound cold or even 'immature' for saying this, but as soon as certain couples have babies they become absolutely insufferable for single people. Their entire lives suddenly revolve around the baby and while you're there suddenly you also have to be all about the baby and there is little room for anything else. I actually flew halfway around the world to see this kid and what I got in return was resentment for staying too long and adding extra stress to the new parents' lives, all while I was expected to be all about the baby (or just **** off so they could have some rest). There wasn't a single conversation we had where I felt like I was talking to someone I wanted to be talking to. I spent thousands of dollars to go to a place with almost no tourist attractions just to spend time with people who apparently only wanted me to stay for a weekend and then leave (or get some hotel I couldn't afford), and I was the one who ended up feeling felt guilty about not being able to get excited about the baby.
You don't necessarily sound cold or immature, but you do sound unrealistic, given the circumstance. You sound like somebody for whom having 100% responsibility for the care and wellbeing and survival of an organism unable to survive on its own for lengthy time will never appeal, i.e., not a parent. Parents' entire lives DO revolve around babies because that's how it works. YOUR entire life needn't revolve around a new baby that's not yours, but understand that theirs will, and the comfort of a guest will be secondary to their caring for and attending to an infant. Ultimately, it sounds like it came as a shock to you that your visit wasn't about you, for your sibling/sibling-in-law. It was about their baby. It's also possible that THEY didn't think things through if they insisted that you come, and didn't think about how exhausted and stressed they were going to be, if it's a first-time baby. They might have thought it could be business as usual (though, for the life of me, I can't think why).
When our baby is born, the LAST THING IN THE WORLD I am gonna want is any relatives flying in from long distance and needing to be put up or entertained. I am GREAT with people wanting to visit and see how things are and meet the baby, but I guarantee I will have zero energy or time to stress about keeping them entertained and being the perfect host. If they want to see our new family, awesome, but that's what we're going to be focused on...our new family. Not entertaining. While it might be a trip and vacation for them, it's not, for us. And they're certainly not obligated to come to visit, because God knows we won't be up for hosting...if they can be understanding about that, great. Otherwise, we'll come to them a few months out when the dust settles if it works for them. But anybody getting miffed at new parents for focusing on newborns versus being the perfect hosts is going to just have to get miffed. Fortunately, nobody in my immediate family is like that (and they've all done the new baby thing themselves, so they know). I already know that my sister-in-law and her husband will be flying in from the UK for a few weeks' visit a week or so after the projected birth, but I also know that they are NOT people who descend upon you and demand to be entertained and have time made for them. They will stay in a hotel or with my MIL, they will entertain themselves when we are too busy or exhausted to visit, and they will be cool with it. They are also extremely excited about becoming aunt and uncle again (they are childfree by choice, but love kids, and their niece on the husband's side is away at college now), so there's not going to be any "Ick, kids," weirdness.
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This whole baby mania thing has to stop... to be honest, seeing how babies actually affect the lives of others plays a huge role in why I will probably never have one.
If, by "baby mania," you mean the certain percentage of the population who want to become parents pursuing parenthood, well, good luck with that. Babies DO affect the lives of others, obviously. They require 100% attention and caregiving. Anybody who is opposed to this SHOULDN'T become a parent. But they should also understand that that's not going to stop the people who embrace the role from becoming parents. People make different choices.
There are a lot of different potential reasons people react differently to babies (as the OP illustrates). But, ultimately, doing an extended stay visit with new parents is generally a bad idea, unless you're a parent there to help out, and even that is going to be a touchy thing, depending on the circumstances. If you're a person who is ultimately quite uncomfortable with babies or doesn't see why the fuss, even more so.
ROFL. I'm not calling them ugly, that was in regards to the quote about no one wants to see their squished faces. I should have used quotes.
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"""Long story short, I am now the black sheep of my family because I've been with a girl for almost 3 years and there's certain aspects of her personality my family dislikes. She has also been insulted by them behind her back numerous times so every time she's around (or we are), they put up a facade and pretend like everything is hunky dory. We're all moved out at this point so it's not that often that we all see each other.
I'm not really going to get into all the details, but both of us are having a lot of struggles in life right now whereas the rest of my family is blooming. Here are some examples:
-Brother and his wife get a new house in the summer. My Mom is furious because my GF doesn't have the time to see it or is unaware she would feel uncomfortable over there. His wife has been nasty to my GF in the past though everyone looks at his wife as the second coming of Christ. When I'm with the rest of the family, all they ever talked about was the house. Even on my birthday, my parents had me over with my brother but instead of all that was going on about me, they talked about the house 90% of the time. we were ignored most of the time. My Mom harasses me about my GF not seeing the house all the time (I've seen it 4-5 times by myself).
- Brother and his wife are having a baby next April. My GF's father has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and is on his death bed. Her family may be losing the house he lives in. On top of that, we're both really busy with work and I'm going to grad classes 4 times a week at night. My mom is complaining that my GF hasn't sent them a congratulatory note or any acknowledgement....
- Because of my GF's father probably having his last THanksgiving this year, I decided to spend the whole holiday with her family. My mom still put up a fight. To show the double standard, my sister spent the holiday with her fiance's family the whole and she did not put up a fight on that front.
- My mom finds it appalling that my GF simply doesn't like my brother's wife, despite them being cordial enough in front of each other.
Overall, sounds like my family (mom in particular) is trying to make situations that cause conflict between my GF and I. It's destroying me emotionally.
No real question here, but more of a rant to get things off my chest."""
Your gf has had enough of your PITA family, and I dont blame her.
I'm gonna go with the no desire to extend congratulations to people who've treated you badly.
If you and your G/F are that into each other, I think you might want to consider distancing yourself from your family and starting your own life together.
For someone that wants to be a writer, you don't seem to understand the language very well.
I do not think it suppose funny at all.
I am very blunt and I write like that.
Last edited by Sommie789; 05-06-2015 at 09:23 AM..
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