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From reading the OP's other thread it is clear that a lot of key details have been left out of this thread. Wow. I feel bad for your gf. If I were her I'd be considering breaking up with you because of your family, they sound miserable.
My sister and BIL bought a house. Even I didn't send them a congratulatory note (yes, I saw the house, helped them move, etc, but I am close with my sisters and they are nice to me and my husband). Why should your gf care that your brother bought a house? Even more, why does your mom care so much that she isn't falling all over herself to celebrate another couple's milestones? That makes no sense to me.
I think you need to give your gf a break. Seriously. Someone needs to tell your mom to stuff it.
You don't necessarily sound cold or immature, but you do sound unrealistic, given the circumstance.
I was talking about why single people aren't always excited about babies.
Yes, I was invited and they were new parents.
I wasn't expecting it to be all about me-- I didn't know what to expect as it was a new thing for me as well. I guess I was expecting it to be more like before, but with this other thing. Instead, it's like visiting completely different people.
I'm sure that if I have kids one day then I will be the same way, but what I won't do is expect my single friends to be excited and enthusiastic about spending time with me and the baby.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
If, by "baby mania," you mean the certain percentage of the population who want to become parents pursuing parenthood, well, good luck with that. Babies DO affect the lives of others, obviously. They require 100% attention and caregiving. Anybody who is opposed to this SHOULDN'T become a parent. But they should also understand that that's not going to stop the people who embrace the role from becoming parents. People make different choices.
There are a lot of different potential reasons people react differently to babies (as the OP illustrates). But, ultimately, doing an extended stay visit with new parents is generally a bad idea, unless you're a parent there to help out, and even that is going to be a touchy thing, depending on the circumstances. If you're a person who is ultimately quite uncomfortable with babies or doesn't see why the fuss, even more so.
There wasn't much of an alternative. I can't afford hugely expensive vacations like that including hotels (and the other activities I was pressured to do) and maintain my savings goals. I might have been able to put it off a bit, but it seemed like everyone else was going to see the baby to the point where I felt pressured to do it... and they said they wanted me to come.
Again, I'm just talking about the kinds of situations that new parents set up without realizing what it does to the people around them. It would seem to me that an MIL pressuring her to take more of an interest in the kid is one of those situations.
And I agree that the guy's mom is probably doing what it sounds like she's been doing all along in the relationship...looking for reasons to turn every single thing into an opportunity to be critical of the OP's girlfriend. I doubt that the GF is disinterested in the kid/kids in general (per the OP), so much as disinterested in kowtowing in any way to the boyfriend's mom or sister-in-law, who have been awful to her. I suspect it's more about that than the baby.
Everyone is making this about how the girlfriend feels about his family and such - and that's valid - but I think the important part of this conversation is that he doesn't feel comfortable enough with his girlfriend of 3 years to have a conversation with her about something that is bothering him.
Everyone is making this about how the girlfriend feels about his family and such - and that's valid - but I think the important part of this conversation is that he doesn't feel comfortable enough with his girlfriend of 3 years to have a conversation with her about something that is bothering him.
That is certainly an issue. I suspect the OP doesn't want to bring this up with his gf because he already knows how the conversation will go. Of course I could be wrong. I think he's hoping there is some other explanation and/or that it isn't because his family has treated his gf badly. He may also be hoping that because they have been nice to his gf for a few months the general consensus is that she should forgive everything and go out of her way to be nice to them. I don't think that is the consensus at all though.
So as of last week, I am uncle for the first time and parents are now grandparents! My brother and his wife's baby was just born. My mom has been sending pics all to her friends and family and everyone has responded with such congratulatory remarks. Even strangers offered congratulations when it got discussed in public. Everyone seems to be so happy...but not my GF.
We've been together for 3 years (live together) and while she has had some issues with my family, they have been nothing but nice to her in the past several months. But I am shocked she has not even asked me about the baby when I went to meet her for the first time. As far as I know, she has not offered any congratulations to my brother and my mom has sent everyone a few pics, her included, all would respond but her! My mom is furious about her lack of interest and thinks she's being selfish because of the past. my GF is known to love babies but because she doesn't like my brother's wife I wonder if that's the reason....
I don't even know how to address it, which is one reason why I'm resorting to an online forum...I don't even know how to broach, "lets go see the baby!" without expecting her to give a moody face. This is an innocent baby we're talking about. But frankly I find the whole issue hypocritical as I've gone her nephew's, niece's, friend of friend's baby events (none of these are blood related to her).
She has not flat out said no yet, but considering she hasn't asked me anything about the baby and hasn't responded to any picture emails, I have to no idea even how to broach the subject...
Maybe she hates babies, the undying attention, the cooing, the gift-buying, and all the rest of it.
I do not think it suppose funny at all.
I am very blunt and I write like that.
I wrote it, and are telling you it was meant to be funny. Do you really think, that I think, all my friends kids are ugly?
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Everyone is making this about how the girlfriend feels about his family and such - and that's valid - but I think the important part of this conversation is that he doesn't feel comfortable enough with his girlfriend of 3 years to have a conversation with her about something that is bothering him.
Definitely.
And,combined with the previous thread that's come to light, it seems like there is possibly a three-year pattern of the family's thoughts, opinions, and beliefs taking precedence over the GF, so if that's the case, I wouldn't expect that to change. OP seems more focused on smoothing things over with his family than with his GF. In the original post, itself, he notes that he's already choosing sides, calling the GF "hypocritical," etc. And he very deliberately underplayed the history of significant bad blood, another poster brought that up by unearthing an old thread.
It seems like the OP thinks that because there have been no major blowups for a couple of months, everything is cool between his family and his GF, which, given his mom's reaction and GF's stance, is clearly not the case.
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