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Your mom sounds like my MIL, it's exhausting. Everything she does comes with strings attached and if one plays that game, they soon figure out the goal posts are constantly moving.
If I were your GF and knew your mom was a scorekeeper, I'd steer clear of her too. She knows your mom will complain no matter what she does. If your GF responded to the email, your mom would take issue with something in the response and complain about that. Thats what scorekeepers do because they're never happy. They can find negative where it doesn't even exist because they WANT to. Sounds like you're ok with your family trying to scapegoat your GF.
Why does your GF have to be excited about that particular baby? What's wrong with her being excited about someone else's baby? Why do you care so much?
If your mom is so excited about being a new grandparent, why is she focused on your GF right now?
I feel like if one is opposed to viewing other people's random crap, Facebook (and, indeed, a majority of social media) is probably not really designed for you. It's all about viewing random crap that people post that you may or may not care about. That's the whole intent.
But, in keeping with the topic of the thread, whether or not you personally like kids, care about kids, are irritated by kids (and it sounds from what the OP wrote that his GF is perfectly cool with kids, FWIW), acknowledging family's milestone events falls under standard etiquette and social appropriateness.
By pointedly refusing to acknowledge the milestone event, the OP's girlfriend is making a purposeful statement about whether or not she considers the family in question worth acknowledging. Now, it's completely possible (and seems pretty likely) that her actions are the direct result of being treated like crap.
So as of last week, I am uncle for the first time and parents are now grandparents! My brother and his wife's baby was just born. My mom has been sending pics all to her friends and family and everyone has responded with such congratulatory remarks. Even strangers offered congratulations when it got discussed in public. Everyone seems to be so happy...but not my GF.
We've been together for 3 years (live together) and while she has had some issues with my family, they have been nothing but nice to her in the past several months. But I am shocked she has not even asked me about the baby when I went to meet her for the first time. As far as I know, she has not offered any congratulations to my brother and my mom has sent everyone a few pics, her included, all would respond but her! My mom is furious about her lack of interest and thinks she's being selfish because of the past. my GF is known to love babies but because she doesn't like my brother's wife I wonder if that's the reason....
I don't even know how to address it, which is one reason why I'm resorting to an online forum...I don't even know how to broach, "lets go see the baby!" without expecting her to give a moody face. This is an innocent baby we're talking about. But frankly I find the whole issue hypocritical as I've gone her nephew's, niece's, friend of friend's baby events (none of these are blood related to her).
She has not flat out said no yet, but considering she hasn't asked me anything about the baby and hasn't responded to any picture emails, I have to no idea even how to broach the subject...
When a new baby is around, there's a LOT of happiness. But, its not HER happiness and some people don't want to be around someone else's happiness if there's nothing in it for them.
Here's an analogy. If your best friend hit the lottery for 10 million and was gloating about the money but woudn't give you any and wouldn't even buy you dinner, would you want to be around him? I know i wouldn't.
But also, she's probably dreading the pressure your parents will put on you to settle down and have a kid of your own. She probably knows they are going to try to push her out of your life so you can find someone else and they can have a grandkid from you from a more "suitable" woman.
P.S. Congrats on becoming an uncle!
Wow I guess I had his mother pegged perfectly. These games will never end....
"Brother and his wife get a new house in the summer. My Mom is furious because my GF doesn't have the time to see it or is unaware she would feel uncomfortable over there.
Hopefully if his girlfriend means anything to him, he'll move her far away from mom
My son is 24 and I cannot imagine expecting his girlfriend to go see the new house another of my children bought. That is just bragging or Mom will make it so, she's trying to make the girlfriend feel less than. I would give the benefit of the doubt but it's solidified since she whined when the girlfriend doesn't show up.
Sounds like the girlfriend is down to earth, honest and much more stable than Mom is. That must really make her feel less than, she sounds more like a sociopath than a Mom
I can't stand that either. Nobody cares to see daily pictures of what you're eating or knowing that you "just took a shower" or "took the dog on a walk" or "just woke up."
So what do you like? Excerpts from Nietzsche?
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And we all want to see what you eat every day at lunch, and your cocktails at night?
Yes, I want to see my friend's and relative's ugly kids! I'm their FRIEND. It's my job to support whatever the heck it is they are doing... raising kids, work stuff, BF stuff, etc. Do I comment on every kidlet pic? Gosh no, that would be pretty time consuming. But at least give them a drive-by "like" every once in awhile.
Heck, I post pics of their kids on my FB. I love photography and kids don't care when you shove a camera in their face. The usually like it.
Your mom sounds like my MIL, it's exhausting. Everything she does comes with strings attached and if one plays that game, they soon figure out the goal posts are constantly moving.
If I were your GF and knew your mom was a scorekeeper, I'd steer clear of her too. She knows your mom will complain no matter what she does. If your GF responded to the email, your mom would take issue with something in the response and complain about that. Thats what scorekeepers do because they're never happy. They can find negative where it doesn't even exist because they WANT to. Sounds like you're ok with your family trying to scapegoat your GF.
Why does your GF have to be excited about that particular baby? What's wrong with her being excited about someone else's baby? Why do you care so much?
If your mom is so excited about being a new grandparent, why is she focused on your GF right now?
Exactly this.
I became an uncle a few years ago and while at first I was excited about it, it soon became apparent that it wasn't going to be something where I was free to react in my own way to the whole thing. It absolutely HAD to be a wonderful, amazing, special occasion that everyone was supposed to be overwhelmed by. I've never really been a big baby person OR the kind of person who gets overly excited or thrilled about these things... but the pressure to shower the kid with attention and everything really killed the excitement for me to the point where it was a chore.
Maybe I'm going to sound cold or even 'immature' for saying this, but as soon as certain couples have babies they become absolutely insufferable for single people. Their entire lives suddenly revolve around the baby and while you're there suddenly you also have to be all about the baby and there is little room for anything else. I actually flew halfway around the world to see this kid and what I got in return was resentment for staying too long and adding extra stress to the new parents' lives, all while I was expected to be all about the baby (or just **** off so they could have some rest). There wasn't a single conversation we had where I felt like I was talking to someone I wanted to be talking to. I spent thousands of dollars to go to a place with almost no tourist attractions just to spend time with people who apparently only wanted me to stay for a weekend and then leave (or get some hotel I couldn't afford), and I was the one who ended up feeling felt guilty about not being able to get excited about the baby.
You can't force these things and if someone feels a certain way about it then you have to accept that that's how they feel. Trying to guilt or shame them into feeling positive about things is just going to push them away. I don't even know how people out there still don't recognize how absurd it is.
This whole baby mania thing has to stop... to be honest, seeing how babies actually affect the lives of others plays a huge role in why I will probably never have one.
Last edited by Spatula City; 05-06-2015 at 07:27 AM..
I became an uncle a few years ago and while at first I was excited about it, it soon became apparent that it wasn't going to be something where I was free to react in my own way to the whole thing. It absolutely HAD to be a wonderful, amazing, special occasion that everyone was supposed to be overwhelmed by. I've never really been a big baby person OR the kind of person who gets overly excited or thrilled about these things... but the pressure to shower the kid with attention and everything really killed the excitement for me to the point where it was a chore.
Maybe I'm going to sound cold or even 'immature' for saying this, but as soon as certain couples have babies they become absolutely insufferable for single people. Their entire lives suddenly revolve around the baby and while you're there suddenly you also have to be all about the baby and there is little room for anything else. I actually flew halfway around the world to see this kid and what I got in return was resentment for staying too long and adding extra stress to the new parents' lives, all while I was expected to be all about the baby (or just **** off so they could have some rest). There wasn't a single conversation we had where I felt like I was talking to someone I wanted to be talking to. I spent thousands of dollars to go to a place with almost no tourist attractions just to spend time with people who apparently only wanted me to stay for a weekend and then leave (or get some hotel I couldn't afford), and I was the one who ended up feeling felt guilty about not being able to get excited about the baby.
You can't force these things and if someone feels a certain way about it then you have to accept that that's how they feel. Trying to guilt or shame them into feeling positive about things is just going to push them away. I don't even know how people out there still don't recognize how absurd it is.
This whole baby mania thing has to stop... to be honest, seeing how babies actually affect the lives of others plays a huge role in why I will probably never have one.
Yes, everyone still stop having babies and caring about them because it makes you uncomfortable. It really should be all about you.
When a new baby is around, there's a LOT of happiness. But, its not HER happiness and some people don't want to be around someone else's happiness if there's nothing in it for them.
t.
Very true.
I have a friend (more acquaintance than friend) who had been trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant (unbeknownst to me), and when I got pregnant, told me she "had to step away from me for a while, because she couldn't deal with something happy happening to me." Like I'd personally done something to hurt or victimize her, somehow. People deal with their baggage in unusual and not always socially appropriate ways.
It's not a very emotionally mature or stable way to act, but it seems like there have been significant interactions in the OPs case where the girlfriend doesn't feel like she owes her BF's family any niceties at all. I suspect it's more about "These people suck, why would I give them the satisfaction of telling them I'm happy for them," than "I can't deal with someone having something I don't and being happy."
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1986pacecar
Could just be she's not into babies.
Except that OP noted that this isn't the case...she's interested in babies, she's just not interested in babies of people she doesn't like and who've treated her poorly.
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