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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SVTLightning
Instead of crying you should respect the fact that he was honest with you about the future. He didn't feel the same as you did. That doesnt make him wrong, it doesnt make you wrong.
Yeah, sounds like the dude did everything right. He was honest and above board.
You've only had two dates. At that point you barely know each other, you don't know each other's expectations and perceptions regarding affection and sexuality. Apparently, the kissing and hand holding is "felt" differently by you than your date. Heck, some have no problems sleeping together on the first date with no commitments.
This is a lesson... you set the pace that is comfortable for you. Keep it nice and slow. If the guy is really into you, he will be patient and adjust his pace as well.
And I agree.. the guy did respond and politely declined anymore involvement. He was being straight forward which is more than most do.
Okay I think I'm in the minority then when dating! If I am casually dating different guys, I do not certainly kiss and hold hands (which is intimate to me) with more than 1!! I think I had this belief that other people were like me in that aspect but I guess not. To me if you are going to be kissing/holding hands etc. with more than 1 person even if it is just casual, you aren't ready for a relationship.
On the idea that maybe I brought up an issue to him that was a dealbreaker: Maybe, I just cannot think of what it was. We didn't seem to really disagree on anything when we went out.
I have to make it clear that this isn't the norm for me to be this much of a thinker when only seeing someone a couple of times! I just really felt chemistry, got the vibe from him, and he had a lot of qualities I like that are hard to find in 1 person. Had he not held my hand consistently, kissed me consistently, I wouldn't be making this post! To me it's just you don't do those things until you realize you really like someone!
Okay I think I'm in the minority then when dating! If I am casually dating different guys, I do not certainly kiss and hold hands (which is intimate to me) with more than 1!! I think I had this belief that other people were like me in that aspect but I guess not. To me if you are going to be kissing/holding hands etc. with more than 1 person even if it is just casual, you aren't ready for a relationship.
On the idea that maybe I brought up an issue to him that was a dealbreaker: Maybe, I just cannot think of what it was. We didn't seem to really disagree on anything when we went out.
I have to make it clear that this isn't the norm for me to be this much of a thinker when only seeing someone a couple of times! I just really felt chemistry, got the vibe from him, and he had a lot of qualities I like that are hard to find in 1 person. Had he not held my hand consistently, kissed me consistently, I wouldn't be making this post! To me it's just you don't do those things until you realize you really like someone!
I could see if you slept with this guy....but you didn't. I agree that I would not be dating, kissing on someone, or holding their hand unless I like them already...did you tell the guy that? (I read the OP, but I only looked at it once.)
How people feel each other out is different for everyone. Him holding your hand and kissing you was probably his way feeling you out and trying to see if he felt anything.
When it comes to dating you CANNOT be naive and think everyone is like you or is going to be compatible with you. Your expectations are way too high and unrealistic.
You just need to find someone with similar values and morals.
I guess I feel if I am not in an exclusive relationship with someone than I am free to kiss, touch, hold hands with anyone I wish. That was part of determining chemistry with another person. It has been five years since I have casually dated, but I remember the spontaneity of it being pretty fun!
There is more to a dealbreaker than disagreeing on something. Sometimes, even seeming like you're too compatible can seem boring.
Think about it really hard - What are the qualities that he had that you feel are hard to find in 1 person?
After two dates, you don't really get to see how he would handle stress or difficult situations, you don't really get to see how compassionate he would be towards other human beings/animals, how he spends his money, if he was truly comfortable with being vulnerable/having an intimate level of self disclosure, having goals in life.... liking the same movies, music, foods etc are not really "qualities"
I know you are hurt and it sucks to find someone you get excited about only to be shunned down so quickly. Better now than later though. It doesn't matter if you thought you had chemistry or you thought you two had a lot of things in common because he didn't think the same. At least you had some kind of closure from him, and he just didn't ignore you completely.
You won't get much more explanation from him because he probably doesn't want to hurt you any more, and you're only hurting yourself more by wanting to know more. Easier said than done, but you'll just have to move on. Besides, every rejection I've gotten in life has made me hotter , richer, and simply a better person, that I'm glad I didn't end up with that guy anyway. It's hard to grasp that now, but I know you'll get there.
Last edited by AhRainess; 05-08-2015 at 10:01 AM..
It's really futile to try to figure his actions out. I know it blindsided you and hurt your feelings a bit, so allow yourself to feel how you do, but even that should have limits. Ponder over his actions for another day then force yourself to fuggetaboutit.
I know it's pathetic, but I am hoping to hear from him even though I know it's not likely.
I met a guy online and we had a nice dinner on Friday night. There was never a dull moment in conversation, flirting was good, and we shared a lot of mutual interests. He later asked if I still wanted to do something after dinner so we did and went on a nice walk and shared a bottle of wine. He held my hand throughout the night after dinner. He went in for the kiss and we had nice, gentle kisses a few times during that night. He then asked me if I wanted to go out the very next day so I said yes.
When I came back home, he called me and we were on the phone for 45 minutes.
On Saturday we went on a hike and then watched a movie. Again no dull moments in conversation and he kissed me throughout the date again and still held my hand throughout the date. He texted me how he had a great time and I said I felt the same.
I then stopped hearing from him. Normally I don't care if a guy drop off the face of the Earth but for the first time in maybe 2 years, I met someone I actually really liked despite only going out 2 times! He just had a lot of the qualities I look for which are hard to find in 1 person.
I finally heard from him and he sent me something along the lines of "You are a great girl and I enjoyed having dinner with you but we are too different. Best wishes".
Completely blindsided me based on his actions and words.
I normally do not do this because typically when I've asked this, guys just come up with a lie to spare my feelings but I asked him why he doesn't want to see me anymore. He said something like "We have nothing in common and I don't want to start a relationship with someone I have nothing in common with, and I don't want to lead you on."
WTF? We had chemistry, both have the same taste in music, both like to travel, both read, both are foodies, both like to hike, and both of us have the same taste in movies.
For the life of me I don't know why he didn't want to see me again when it was clear he was interested in me.
Any ideas why he did this to me when it was going so well?
At the end of the day most men(not all of them) don't really care about stuff like that, he probably found somebody hotter.
It's really futile to try to figure his actions out. I know it blindsided you and hurt your feelings a bit, so allow yourself to feel how you do, but even that should have limits. Ponder over his actions for another day then force yourself to fuggetaboutit.
Excellent points! You can be annoyed or upset for a moment that it didn't work out, but trying to figure out why is a waste if time.
As an aside, she dodged a bullet if this complete stranger, that she had two dates with in less than 48 hours, thought she should have put out by then or it was a waste of time.
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, richer, and simply a better person, that I'm glad I didn't end up with that guy anyway. It's hard to grasp that now, but I know you'll get there.