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I felt my needs/concerns were constantly being ignored or played down.
I probably would never do it again bc I felt so bad/guilty AND cheating is basically just trading one problem for another one. I am too emotionally tired for that crap.
That's a hard statement for young husbands to hear. Now I'm worried if I don't get her enough Taco Bueno she's off to the sheets with another guy.
Are you saying that unconditional love means you can do whatever you want and they'll still stick around?
You can lie to them.
You can hurt them.
You can disrespect them.
You can put another man first before yours.
You can do all that...but they will still love you back?
I think you're mistaking the term "unconditional love" with being a doormat.
Through your posts, you sound like you're justifying your cheating. If that makes you feel better inside, fine.
This post about unconditional love makes it sound like if a person cheated (which is wrong), the person who got cheated on and chooses not to take the person back is the one who never loved enough? Can this be any more twisted? You've all of a sudden turned the table around that if they choose to end the relationship because YOU strayed, you say it's their fault for not "loving unconditionally"?
How can you expect the other person to love you no matter what, when you can't even do the same? Even after signing a legally binding document, that didn't stop you from giving that love to another man. And you're the one expecting "unconditional love" because you had confessed?
It's hypocritical of you to expect "unconditional love", when the moment you're not feeling loved or appreciated by the one you married, you all of a sudden turn to another man.
I unconditionally love my husband. I can't make him do anything.
You are conflating. We have already established the dishonesty part. We are focusing on the "why" and "what". What you don't understand doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
Actually, I just thought I was answering April's questions regarding why, rationally, cheating is bad.
That you don't agree with what I said is an entirely different subject.
If you go online, type in porn tube. These are porn sites that users can sign up and upload their own videos just like youtube FOR FREE. They get views, comments, likes, and adoration. They upload regularly and use key words for searching purposes.
Before, only paid actors were involved in this. Now, anyone can upload a porn and have the world watching them.
And, how does this relate to the issue at hand again?
I've known girls with boyfriends who watched a lot of porn and this made the girl feel inadequate so the girl ended up cheating. It's just as easy for a girl to go out and cheat as it is for a man to pull up a porn site. I don't think men consider how easy it is for women to cheat when their girlfriends are asking them to stop watching porn
So what level of porn watching is "addiction"? I agree if you are watching porn so much that your job and relationship suffer its an issue, but 20 min a day 30 min a day?
Too many flippantly use the term "addiction" or "mental illness" who are not qualified too. Yes if the person has been legitimately diagnosed with 1 to 2 separate medical professional concurring then thats a basis.
I get that my experiences are anecdotal and I am just from a bumpkin area with an old bumpkin church but I highly doubt that people are going and getting proper medical diagnoasis when they throw these terms around.
Just because I watch a porn does not mean I want to go have a 3 some or cheat on my wife. I may want my wife to do other things just the 2 of us and thats not wrong or an addiction. It could result in sexual incompatability but again thats not "addiction". If someone does not want to perform a one on one sex act that the other person really likes then the person withholding is the one being selfish.
What you said sounds very reasonable. I don't mind porn I even like watching it every now and then. But if it competes with me, (my partner not wanting sex with me), then it is a problem.
I don't care what the reasoning is or whatever rationalizing a partner is using, cheating is not okay. If they do cheat than they don't deserve me and are dead to me.
They deserve to be with some other unfaithful partner and live a life of sneaking behind each others backs pretending to be exclusive.
If the temptation is to cheat, than you need to end your relationship right than and there and let them know that your not good enough for them.
I don't care what the reasoning is or whatever rationalizing a partner is using, cheating is not okay. If they do cheat than they don't deserve me and are dead to me.
They deserve to be with some other unfaithful partner and live a life of sneaking behind each others backs pretending to be exclusive.
If the temptation is to cheat, than you need to end your relationship right than and there and let them know that your not good enough for them.
I can't agree. The temptation is always there. Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you turn off your biology. You will find others attractive and they will find you attractive. It's how you handle the temptation within the established parameters of your relationship that matters. If, like you have made clear, any kind of attention given to someone outside a relationship is unacceptable, then you let your partner know upfront early in the relationship and hold them and yourself to that standard unless you mutually decide to amend the agreement. Now, your last statement that someone who is attracted to someone outside the relationship has to feel inferior to their SO is going to set you up for disappointment and a lifetime of distrust.
Since my emotional affair and revealing of it to my husband, I've felt like dirt and unworthy of his love. I've said this several times and told him if he wanted me gone I'd go. He looked me straight in my tear stained face and told me he was never ever going to think I wasn't worthy. He loves me and made a commitment to me through better and for worse, he said he forgives me because despite his hurt and disappointment he felt our relationship and his love for me was worth more to him than his hurt pride or my mistake. I am grateful and frankly still uncertain how I married a man like him given my history of tumultuous and emotionally abusive relationships with men so I'm still processing his reaction.
Sorry I think I posted that wrong. I agree that the temptation is always there. When I was with my last long term girlfriend of course I would glance at another girl that I found attractive and we can't ignore our own biology. I would never cheat though.
What I meant was that if you DO cheat and give in to that temptation (sexually mostly, emotionally is a close second); than you don't deserve the person that you are with. You need to end it before you start seeing someone else.
The temptation might be there but the actual act is not okay with me.
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