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. . . .Not all women find the same men attractive. Some men are "just droolingly gorgeous" regardless of who is looking at them. I haven't got a single chromosome of gay, and I'd consider sleeping with some guys, they're so awesome to look at.
Looks ARE awesome, both to have and to just look at, and that's a fact.
But it's everything else which provides staying power. People LOVE appearances, but given time the novelty wears off and they start looking for more substance, OR it's all they care about, so they drop the relationship (or pursuit) and they move on to seemingly greener pastures where others are still "pretty".
This is true of men and women alike.
Meanwhile, there are those of us (yes, US, I'm in that mix) who aren't "gorgeous" and never will be. It sucks when you're younger and just learning the ropes. Discovering that you don't physically measure up to someone else can leave you feeling uncertain of yourself when you're young and have yet to establish your foundation, find your sure footing. It's a bit painful, but you're hardly alone in this. FAR from it, in fact.
y. . .
Awesome post Urban, but you're better looking than you think. I needed this pep talk myself after a chance comment by a "friend" got me to feeling very insecure.
Awesome post Urban, but you're better looking than you think. I needed this pep talk myself after a chance comment by a "friend" got me to feeling very insecure.
I'm sorry to hear this. It's funny how easily insecurities can be brought to the forefront of our minds, isn't it? Best wishes to you as you grapple with putting it back in its place. I've always though you were an attractive woman.
My style and grooming is fine it's probably my unattractive face that's the problem lol
I think we are our own worst judges. I would bet money you aren't unattractive (or so unattractive that women avoid you). Although that said, it's true that not being photogenic is a serious handicap when doing online dating. The medium is visual by nature. I wouldn't give up on it if I were you, but you might try different venues where you can amplify your attractiveness to the ladies with humor and personality.If you are charismatic, it adds to your attractiveness with women. Maybe try something like speed dating (you also get a bonus advantage with speed dating as more women tend to go to those events than men... at least in my area anyway).
OP, I'm not sure why you're surprised or what you expected to learn. The general theme I've seen expressed here is that looks do matter up front but can only get you so far. Now regarding an OLD profile it makes sense they matter perhaps even more than in real life because all a viewer sees is what you put on the profile and anyone can make up anything. There's no way to actually observe you in person and some people aren't willing to take a chance unless they really like the pics they see.
Case in point: I've long been an advocate of cold approaching. I once cold approached a girl and scored a coffee date with her. It was in a grocery store. She said she normally would have rejected me outright but she observed something I did prior to me approaching her. It turned out she was entering the store a few feet behind me and watched as I got my shopping cart, offered it to an elderly woman because the carts were a littler further from the door, and then went to get my own cart. She explained she wasn't a big fan of being cold approached did find me reasonably attractive and seeing me do something polite for someone convinced her to give me the benefit of the doubt.
Stuff like that is an advantage you'll never have on OLD. All you've got is your picture and hope like hell someone will like what she sees. And hope is not a course of action. Get out, be a good person and do things sincerely to make yourself a better person. Someone will notice.
Awesome post Urban, but you're better looking than you think. I needed this pep talk myself after a chance comment by a "friend" got me to feeling very insecure.
I appreciate the compliment, I surely do.
It's not just me being all faux-humble. When I look in the mirror, I see an average Joe. I was told once in my life by someone that they thought I was "gorgeous", a couple of times that I was "very nice-looking" and the rest have ranged anywhere from "handsome" to "okay".
I took that stuff to heart when I was younger, much like the way the OP sounds/seems. I don't know why this is so prevalent in human nature but we find the negative things so much more easy to believe than the positive. When you're a kid this causes you to read into situations needlessly:
For guys who experience this, it's because you see girls carrying on about other guys openly, using all the HOT complimentary words, and then hear them refer to you as "okay", maybe one says "I think he's nice-looking". In the grand scheme you LEARN this stuff doesn't matter, that you're so much more as a person than the sum of your looks; but you pick up some habits as a child, and habits can be difficult to break.
The funny thing is... this is precisely what girls/women go through, watching guys react to all the "hot" women. They internalize their insecurities and then blame the guys, never bothering to balance that equation.
Young guys blame the girls after internalizing, once more failing to balance it.
Are there inconsistencies? Of course, because these are all matters of opinion, and opinions vary but everybody has one. Take a person putting all that together and if they have a shred of difficulty in the area of their self-esteem, then the more negative sum of all conjectures seems, illogically, the easier pill to swallow.
It's just a difficult part of growing up, after all.
Honestly, I think the finest compliment I ever got was from a young (much TOO young) woman who wrote to me once and said "OMIGOD, sometimes I just want to lick your brain!"
However, is OP is male, I'm gonna call BS on getting 15 messages in a day.
Agreed. I switched my pic from myself to a model and he only gets 1 (at most 2) unsolicited messages per day and the women are tend to not be very aesthetically pleasing.
For the most part, the hot ones do not message him first. They may respond when he messages them, but he still has to put a lot of work in to keep the interaction going and get them to meet (him).
Agreed. I switched my pic from myself to a model and he only gets 1 (at most 2) unsolicited messages per day and the women are tend to not be very aesthetically pleasing.
For the most part, the hot ones do not message him first. They may respond when he messages them, but he still has to put a lot of work in to keep the interaction going and get them to meet (him).
That was another conclusion made by OKC in their data. Basically, the hotter the guy, the more messages he received, except at the very top, where there was a HUGE drop off. OKC uses a 5-star rating system, and the male 4's got the most messages and the most responses to their messages.
Awesome post Urban, but you're better looking than you think. I needed this pep talk myself after a chance comment by a "friend" got me to feeling very insecure.
I second what stepka says, Urban. You are quite an attractive guy, and, yes, your consistently intelligent, sensible, fair posts make you even more attractive. Your brain is certainly lick-worthy.
See, OP? A guy's looks might initially attract, but it's his intelligence, kindness, and strength of his character - or lack thereof - that quickly makes or breaks it.
And, stepka. Without question, you are a very attractive woman (and I'm a straight woman). Love your profile picture. Don't let what the "friend" said make you feel insecure.
Honestly, I think the finest compliment I ever got was from a young (much TOO young) woman who wrote to me once and said "OMIGOD, sometimes I just want to lick your brain!"
Does anyone else read this thread title and think, "We are here at (insert name of four-star restaurant), where we've secretly replaced the fine coffee they usually serve with Folgers Crystals."
Please tell me I am not the only one. Even if you have to lie to me to tell me that.
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I needed this pep talk myself after a chance comment by a "friend" got me to feeling very insecure.
