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It's not just me being all faux-humble. When I look in the mirror, I see an average Joe. I was told once in my life by someone that they thought I was "gorgeous", a couple of times that I was "very nice-looking" and the rest have ranged anywhere from "handsome" to "okay".
I took that stuff to heart when I was younger, much like the way the OP sounds/seems. I don't know why this is so prevalent in human nature but we find the negative things so much more easy to believe than the positive. When you're a kid this causes you to read into situations needlessly:
For guys who experience this, it's because you see girls carrying on about other guys openly, using all the HOT complimentary words, and then hear them refer to you as "okay", maybe one says "I think he's nice-looking". In the grand scheme you LEARN this stuff doesn't matter, that you're so much more as a person than the sum of your looks; but you pick up some habits as a child, and habits can be difficult to break.
The funny thing is... this is precisely what girls/women go through, watching guys react to all the "hot" women. They internalize their insecurities and then blame the guys, never bothering to balance that equation.
Young guys blame the girls after internalizing, once more failing to balance it.
Are there inconsistencies? Of course, because these are all matters of opinion, and opinions vary but everybody has one. Take a person putting all that together and if they have a shred of difficulty in the area of their self-esteem, then the more negative sum of all conjectures seems, illogically, the easier pill to swallow.
It's just a difficult part of growing up, after all.
Honestly, I think the finest compliment I ever got was from a young (much TOO young) woman who wrote to me once and said "OMIGOD, sometimes I just want to lick your brain!"
These are the best. Yes, it feels nice to be admired for one's looks/appearance, but compliments about my intellect went significantly further and piqued my curiosity. I dated a man who would be considered average by most, but I thought he was sexy and handsome, and holy hell, I adored his brain. I'm totally a sapiosexual.
Do you think your own photos truly represent what you want to look like?
cuz if you have any photoshop skills, you can fix up your pictures.
It's like in real estate sales..... the professional photos make a crapshack look better than it is, and at least gets the buyer in the door. Once the buyer is in the door, he's initially disappointed, but then begins to see potential.
Do you think your own photos truly represent what you want to look like?
cuz if you have any photoshop skills, you can fix up your pictures.
It's like in real estate sales..... the professional photos make a crapshack look better than it is, and at least gets the buyer in the door. Once the buyer is in the door, he's initially disappointed, but then begins to see potential.
Cheat a little to get your foot in the door.
Girls do it all the time with their myspace poses
Photoshopping your photos will only set your date up for disappointment when you meet in person.
Yeah Looks play the most important role lets not bs..it gets your foot in the door without it you can't get in..
I'm not a all that great looking (I'd save average) and you are right that it can be a big problem getting your foot in the door. Especially with online dating (I feel like I had to do a lot of work to get dates... but I got them).
But you know what the trade off is (or at least is for me) having someone who really doesn't care that you aren't the hottest person around. Having someone who really cares about you as a human being, not you as an accessory or what you are on the outside.
So when you get down on your looks, remember, while the work is harder when it comes to finding someone, the reward in the end is greater. Stay strong.
That guy with the hot looks in the other thread who claims he's getting all that sex... he's miserable and whiny. He attracts women for sex but can't find anyone who appreciates the real him. He is so used by women that he thinks all women use men because that quality of women is all he can attract. They use him for sex or money. You don't want that.
There was an ongoing "incident" when I was young. I had pretty low self-esteem growing up for a variety of reasons I won't go into. These led to a pitiful attitude. Anyone who has had to really cope with it more than passingly knows low self-esteem is a downward spiral and that, in turn, is powerfully UN-attractive. It's a dreadful cycle.
In the military I went from skinny-but-SOLID farmboy to being still thin-appearing, but growing ever-softer. Military PT simply didn't hold a candle to the way I'd grown up, and I had the freedom to eat junk whenever I was off-duty. One day a buddy asked me to start hitting the gym with him -- and my body took off with rocket fuel. My chest barreled out and my shoulders, already wide, seemed even wider. I just shaped up ever so nicely, and unbelievably quickly.
After a couple of months he opted to take one night off and we went to the club. Long story short, a gal who had laughed in my face a couple of months back didn't recognize me and showed interest.
This bothered me. A LOT. Immature me read a LOT of stuff into that incident about women which I simply should not have -- because some bad women who are shallow are not all women. Nevertheless, for a few years I remained convinced that women were concerned only with looks.
It took some growing up for me to start looking around at the kinds of women who cared only about looks, who said one thing but demonstrated quite another. It took even more growing up to start being generally able to discern such things in order to ask myself about the shallow ones: Are these even the sort of people I want or need to be around?
It's NICE to be admired for one's looks. But I'd take a good woman with moderate looks over a hottie who never, ever made me feel comfortable or appreciated, or who never piqued my other interests outside of sexual gratification.
Of course, there can be too much of a good thing. I'd take a good attitude over a perpetually competitive one too, no matter how academically accomplished.
Good-looking guy with abs shirtless or tight shirts in online pics can nab you easy sex if you are not socially awkward.
Never be fooled by women who say they can't stand shirtless pics of guys with abs. Most are attracted to that type of build, especially for online dating.
My husband has that build, but he would never had posted a shirtless pic posing. That's super douchey. Post a shirtless picture in situ. Like hiking a trail or at the pool/beach. Not posing.
See, OP? A guy's looks might initially attract, but it's his intelligence, kindness, and strength of his character - or lack thereof - that quickly makes or breaks it.
About 5 years ago, I met two guys at an event. I didn't find one as physically attractive as I did the other. At the end of the day, I felt the cute one had the personality of a rock and I never saw him again. The less attractive one, however, had me laughing the entire time and is now my best friend. He's dating a woman he did not initially feel a strong physical attraction to but she engages him mentally and he needs that in a partner.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TMBGBlueCanary
Maybe try something like speed dating (you also get a bonus advantage with speed dating as more women tend to go to those events than men... at least in my area anyway).
Here too for most age groups. I find my personality comes across better in person than it does on paper.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka
Some of the funny guys were more nerdy than sexy but the girls were talking to them too.
Then I was working with a new teacher about a year later and he told me that he'd been very shy growing up but he took an improv class and discovered that he was actually hilarious and outgoing (he was--certainly one of my more enjoyable coworkers) and he soon after met his wife.
I'd love to meet a funny, nerdy guy. Sigh...all the men in my improv class are either older and married or my age and married. That is my biggest frustration. No matter how much I diversify my activities, unless I go to something like speed dating, I simply do not cross paths with age-appropriate single men.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Urban Sasquatch
After a couple of months he opted to take one night off and we went to the club. Long story short, a gal who had laughed in my face a couple of months back didn't recognize me and showed interest.
This bothered me. A LOT. Immature me read a LOT of stuff into that incident about women which I simply should not have -- because some bad women who are shallow are not all women. Nevertheless, for a few years I remained convinced that women were concerned only with looks.
.
I have recently lost 20 lbs. I've yo-yo'd on the weight most of my adult life but this time did it by making some lifestyle changes vs actively trying to diet, so I'm hopeful it will stay off. But I've also long held the belief that if I wasn't "good" enough for someone at weight X, they aren't good enough for ME at weight Y when that's the only thing about me that has changed. What happens if I do gain the weight back? Do I go back to not being good enough for them?
When i put my pic backup I got one mutual like on quick match so I messaged her figuring she was interested in me and she never responded back..old sucks
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