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Again, terminology. I'm not going to be attracted to someone I haven't interacted with. I can think they're physically good looking, of course, but there are good looking people everywhere, I have no reason to randomly walk up to them.
Now, if we're at something like I said, a brewery where people are discussing the brew, or a concert where we're at the same band, or a art opening or whatever... that's a different thing. There I'm just talking to people because it is a social environment. If the person I'm talking to happens to be female and fun to talk to and I become attracted, awesome.
I too met someone I dated at a bus stop. She had a bag with a motif of something I was familiar with and commented on it. We kept talking and some chemistry was there, so it went from there, but I would have commented on it if she was too old, or too young, or a dude with the bag... it was just being social.
We don't agree much or at all. But I agree with this here.
Again, terminology. I'm not going to be attracted to someone I haven't interacted with. I can think they're physically good looking, of course, but there are good looking people everywhere, I have no reason to randomly walk up to them.
Now, if we're at something like I said, a brewery where people are discussing the brew, or a concert where we're at the same band, or a art opening or whatever... that's a different thing. There I'm just talking to people because it is a social environment. If the person I'm talking to happens to be female and fun to talk to and I become attracted, awesome.
I too met someone I dated at a bus stop. She had a bag with a motif of something I was familiar with and commented on it. We kept talking and some chemistry was there, so it went from there, but I would have commented on it if she was too old, or too young, or a dude with the bag... it was just being social.
I love the inherent logic of this, especially the first paragraph! You're so right, that one's chances of hitting it off with someone are so much better if you get to know them first. The problem is that many humans aren't logical. The point the other poster was making earlier is that it's pretty instinctual to approach someone you find attractive.
But there, again, you can use the approach to chat and get to know them a little, and see if there's chemistry. I agree that it doesn't make much sense to try to get a number from a stranger. Dating strangers seems like a waste of time, no matter how good-looking they are. Unless maybe you know in advance they have interests in common with you, like if a friend sets you up or something.
I can't say I can recall ever just randomly walking up to a woman I didn't know and trying to start a convo. That would be super weird. Would would inspire me to do so?
Like you said later on your post, just being social. Let me give you an example, something I went through. I was on vacation in Hawaii. Boarded a public bus that would take me to another beach. On the bus stop I spotted this cute Japanese girl. We sat on opposing sides of the bus, the aisle separated us. On our way there the bus driver announced that in a few hours the last bus would be returning to the hotel zone. We made eye contact and I told her in Japanese “Uh oh, that means we will have to walk back, huh?” she got surprised that I spoke Japanese and asked me how I learned. We started chatting on our way to the beach and ended up enjoying the beach together just talking, snacking, and so on. Guess who I had dinner with that night? See, that’s all. No rocket science. Another time I was in Paris, France, on my way to Versailles castle. Spotted a cute Japanese girl trying to read a map on the wall. So I went to the map too and pretended I was also looking for directions. I mumbled in Japanese “If only we understood French, huh?” she laughed and again she asked “Huh?! You speak Japanese?! Wow!” and we started to chat. I told her I was going to Versailles and if she wanted to join me she was more than welcome. So we ended up enjoying Versailles together. When I was studying in the USA I did the same. Speaking their language, or any other girl’s language, I found it to be an easy ice breaker instead of just approaching them “Hey girl! You cute” or something. Other guys may have their way to approach a woman to try to get to know her and maybe take her out. You’ve never approached a girl you found attractive?
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If we're at the same event and next to each other and start talking about the band, or brewery, or game or whatever... that's something I'd do independent if male/female/old/young... its just being social... But just walking up to someone randomly? I'm with Dew on that. Not sure why I would even think to do it.
And being social is what can help people meet a stranger and maybe something comes out of it or maybe not. I have another story. It was not my intention to meet any girl but while waiting for a bus in Japan on my way to college I just started talking to an older man besides me about current events. We boarded the bus together, I helped him get on the bus and sit besides me. We continued to chat, we laughed at some things, and it was just a pleasant ride. On the train station I took him to his train and said our goodbyes. Nice man, he gave me his contact information, gave him mine. Suddenly a young girl approached me and told me she also took the same bus we did and told me she found it sweet of me to be nice to the old man and asked if it was ok if we could hang out some day and go out. She gave me her phone number and we went out later.
I remember while living in the USA I saw this older Japanese lady having trouble communicating in the post office. I got out of the line and walked up to the register and asked in Japanese “Can I help you?” She was happy I could help her and asked for my phone number. I thought to myself “What danger is there for an elder Japanese woman to have my number? Maybe she might need help later” So why not, I gave her my number. Later that day I got a call from a younger woman. She called to thank me for helping her grandmother at the post office. After talking for a couple of minutes about each other, what we are studying, and so on she suggested we met somewhere for coffee so we ended up meeting and going out after that. I guess it pays off to be nice? Hahaha! These are just a few of many experiences I’ve had like that. Can’t really say I am ugly or handsome, built or not, but maybe I have been in the right place at the right time and with the right attitude that has helped me somehow when it comes to dating.
So anyways, like you, I like to be social. I can talk to the person in front or behind me as we wait in the supermarket, have lunch with the janitor in my office, know most of my neighbors by name, etc. It helps not only to make friends but also to meet someone you might end up going out with.
A lot of you women are attractive on here. Are you telling me that a lot of you don't get asked out?
First of all, I have no idea if I fall into that category or not (been called "average" and that's fine with me. I know I clean up well when I decide to make myself up more feminine, but would rather not.) Anyhow. If I put a profile on a dating site, I get a lot of messages. I do not get cold approached in grocery stores or on the street. I rarely, but sometimes, get approached if I'm at a bar. But I don't go to bars dressed up for dancing, I go to shoot pool on a league, so that's not what most would think of by "going to bars." And I don't drink.
My ex used to act as though I must be constantly getting hit on by men everywhere I went. I'm not. It simply isn't so. I am also part of a big community of friends, we gather at a music fest every August. My ex thought that it was impossible that I had male friends, surely they all just want sex. Surely as soon as I'm out of his sight, I'm the subject of tons of male attention and vulnerable to any who can persuade me! This year, I attended as a single person for the first time. I made it known that I was available and flirted with some of the guys. My friends knew that, had any of them wanted to have sex with me, that was the time. Not a single one tried. My friends didn't want to take advantage of me during a difficult time, or else they had girlfriends back home they weren't cheating on. Point of all this being, there seem to be some pretty serious misconceptions about the way women are treated by men out there.
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Originally Posted by Question2015
No, he simply understands what men find attractive and why. Not only that, he is 100% correct. Men are attracted to younger and beautiful women because of the large window for child bearing and beauty being a sign of fertility. It is part of our biological makeup and no amount of wishful thinking is ever going to change that. Odd thing, all women intuitively know this, but wont admit. Plastic surgery industry says so.
Not going to even acknowledge the fact that our capitalist society has been driving an image of what is supposed to be "beautiful" so that women will buy more products, pretty much since advertising was a thing? I mean, when you sell diets and workout vids, you want women to think that skinny equals beautiful even if a lot of men think otherwise. I've known men who had all sorts of preferences. Tall women, short women, fat, thin, athletic, even men who fetishize pregnant women. But I also know a lot of older ladies who have no trouble finding men who want to spend time with them, whether that is golfing, traveling, dining, or being intimate. Sure, young dudes will want to hook up with healthy breeders. But don't underestimate the human desire for human closeness, contact, and company, even well past all of that.
I would say that a woman past her reproductive prime might have trouble finding young men, but that's not true either, since I've known plenty of young guys who really like horny older women.
Again, I insist that there is an issue here, with people projecting their own mindsets and experiences on broad swathes of humanity. There is more variance out there than you could begin to imagine.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
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Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
I love the inherent logic of this, especially the first paragraph! You're so right, that one's chances of hitting it off with someone are so much better if you get to know them first. The problem is that many humans aren't logical. The point the other poster was making earlier is that it's pretty instinctual to approach someone you find attractive.
But there, again, you can use the approach to chat and get to know them a little, and see if there's chemistry. I agree that it doesn't make much sense to try to get a number from a stranger. Dating strangers seems like a waste of time, no matter how good-looking they are. Unless maybe you know in advance they have interests in common with you, like if a friend sets you up or something.
I don't agree with that at all. It's actually my preference to dates "strangers", they quickly become non strangers. I won't date co workers or friends of friends.
Last person I dated I met at a chinese food lounge. I wasn't looking, just chilling after a day hiking. Her friend and her came in and sat down next to me. An hour later we're all talking, her friend takes off (I didn't notice at the time) and we hit it off and date and become very good friends. Was a stranger, now not a stranger. And I had a stronger connection with her than anyone else I met in the last 10 years.
I didn't talk to her because I thought she was cute. I talked with her because she was there at the same place, and she became attractive to me as we interacted. The chemistry was there and we had tons in common. If she had sat three chairs down, nothing would ever of happened. And perhaps that's sad, but that is the randomness of life.
People that can go to some event and get 2-3 phone numbers can afford to do things "organically". Its when too much time passes between interest that people might start getting more desperate.
OR if you keep meeting people that don't do it in other aspects. Just because someone is interested in the same art as me does not mean they like what I do in bed. If you keep meeting prudes that like art then that's going to start to become a problem really quick and you may be compelled to cut down the "getting to know you phase" in order to find out what they like in bed before you invest months and months of time.
I suppose people that have simple sexual needs and who can meet people "organically" don't have to worry about this.
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Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
I love the inherent logic of this, especially the first paragraph! You're so right, that one's chances of hitting it off with someone are so much better if you get to know them first. The problem is that many humans aren't logical. The point the other poster was making earlier is that it's pretty instinctual to approach someone you find attractive.
But there, again, you can use the approach to chat and get to know them a little, and see if there's chemistry. I agree that it doesn't make much sense to try to get a number from a stranger. Dating strangers seems like a waste of time, no matter how good-looking they are. Unless maybe you know in advance they have interests in common with you, like if a friend sets you up or something.
I don't agree with that at all. It's actually my preference to dates "strangers", they quickly become non strangers. I won't date co workers or friends of friends.
I don't think you and Ruth are really disagreeing here. Sure, everyone's just a stranger to begin with, but you're not just walking up to randoms asking, "hey beautiful, come here often?" You're treating women like normal people (gasp!) and if there's more there, then you take that chance.
But there, again, you can use the approach to chat and get to know them a little, and see if there's chemistry. I agree that it doesn't make much sense to try to get a number from a stranger. Dating strangers seems like a waste of time, no matter how good-looking they are. Unless maybe you know in advance they have interests in common with you, like if a friend sets you up or something.
Anybody is a stranger the first time you meet them regardless of being introduced or not. If things go the right direction the guy might end up getting a girl’s number or at least an opportunity to meet again somewhere. A guy finds a girl attractive, approaches her, buys her a drink, chats her up, and it goes from there. That’s how it goes in bars/clubs. Now, let’s say it is not in a bar/club setting. It can happen as well. A social thing.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
I don't think you and Ruth are really disagreeing here. Sure, everyone's just a stranger to begin with, but you're not just walking up to randoms asking, "hey beautiful, come here often?" You're treating women like normal people (gasp!) and if there's more there, then you take that chance.
Ok, fair enough. I think lots of the disagreements on here are due to terminology.
In my opinion, for a man to expect to be approached or to exclude himself from approaching women he doesn't know, is a very passive and very feminine attitude. Most women walking this globe have zero interest in men who lack testiclical fortitude to act like men. There are 4 billion women on this earth, and you are telling me that instead of having them all available to you, at your own choosing - you prefer to limit yourself to 20, who will likely reject you 9 out of 10 times, because you are uncomfortable with your masculinity? Typical of todays western, feminized male.
If you see a woman whom you don't know, but find physically attractive, you walk up to her confidently, introduce yourself, tell her the real reason you approached (as in you find her attractive) and let her respond. Believe it or not, 99% of women would be flattered even if they reject you. Your success with women would sky rocket, but for that you would have to grow some balls and start acting like a man.
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