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He still cares for you and loves you. He had to let you go because you have baby rabies and he was never able to convince himself to go there again. He doesn't contact you more because he knows the right thing to do is to let you go so you can eventually find a guy who is on the same page you are in regards to kids.
My views on having children have always been the same...I will not have children if my circumstances are not right. This means financially, it has to be planned for, and it must be a mutual decision. If there was a circumstance that made things unfavorable to have children, then I wouldn't want to have children. I love children and have always wanted my own, but truthfully, I waited because I never found myself in a relationship that was appropriate to have them. I will not have children unless my circumstances are right. Now that I am getting older, I just want to know that option is on the table. Now there is also another issue...I was unable to conceive in my previous relationship. I was with a man who forbid me to take contraceptives and we had a normal sex life. No baby. I have always felt that I would have trouble conceiving but I put it in the back of my mind. Out of denial and fear I guess, but now that I am getting older, I wonder if I will have trouble conceiving.
You need to seriously examine the types of men you are drawn to and why.
So, basically, the answer to your conundrum lies with you. Clearly, the relationship with this guy would make things "unfavorable" to have children.
When I was young, my girlfriend broke up with me because I did not want to have kids. She later got married and discovered she couldn't have kids anyway. The joke was on her. Make sure the joke is not on you.
See, personally, I don't agree with this. In this instance, it's pretty evident that the discrepancy on the kids/no kids stance is just one small part of the whole picture, in regard to incompatibilities and issues (which is pretty typical, to be honest). But even if it weren't, I don't think it would really matter.
I had a multi-year, cohabiting relationship end because (in theory), my ex changed his stance on the matter, and while he'd told me all along he wanted kids, he supposedly had a change of heart on the matter (I am very sure there was more to it than what was presented, but for the sake of argument, let's just take that at face value. Now, following the demise of that relationship, and the start of a new one with a man who shared my stance on having children, I could have discovered that I was unable to conceive (didn't play out that way, we got married and have a child, but it COULD have played out that way). If this had happened, would I have been all, "Gee, I could have been with (ex) after all. seeing as how I'm barren!" Um, no. There were many good reasons not to be with him, and the kids bait and switch was only one small part of it. Ultimately, I'm a million times better off with my partner, and would be even if we'd been unable to have biological children. There was no "joke is on me," and couldn't have been. The kid stance was only the the tip of the incompatibility iceberg, and, to be honest, that's often the case. It certainly sounds like it's the case with the OP, too, for that matter.
Going back over this thread makes me pretty convinced that he was emotionally abusive with his silent treatment to you and not listening to your concerns. Even without the kids issue , I doubt he will ever really be there for you emotionally and really care about your needs. He sounds like a user to me.
You're having a hard time getting over this because you are going through withdrawal from the high you got from being in this dysfunction. I think your issues revolve around having to pick guys who are not really available to meet your needs in a relationship.
I have to guess that this comes from some kind of dysfunctional relationship with your own dad or the fact that your dad was there for you growing up. I say this because you also have a history of past abuse in at least one relationship before this. If this is the case, you definitely need therapy to help you to quit choosing guys like this. Therapy would also help you to get over this. Hopefully, you won't get back together with this guy again because, ultimately, it's going to be a train wreck.
My parents have been married for 32years and throughout my childhood, I would see my dad use the silent treatment on my mother. He was never abusive physically and I pretty much had a normal childhood, but I think my father has some dysfunctional things about him that came from his upbringing.
I'm still trying to figure out if this guy was emotionally abusive. There are times that I think he was, but then guilt sets in and I think to myself the way I was treating him made react that way towards me.
After reading the thread again, I totally agree with you. He probably will though. If she has any sense, she will block him so that cannot happen.
I do think I need to change my whole attitude about this man. I am so set on blaming myself and maybe I have a lot to do with the demise of the relationship, but I can honestly say there is something to be told about the pattern of men I choose to have relationships with. That is why I am here. I am seeking help to learn about myself even if I don't want to see the truth. I am talking about it. I am being blatantly honest. Maybe he was emotionally abusive and I chose to not see it. I did that with my previous relationship. I chose to excuse the physical abuse too. I don't think my recent ex will be contacting me again. I'm pretty sure he doesn't want anything to do with me. I am the one who provoked communication and he responded. If I cut that tie and no longer reach out to him, I will no longer hear from him.
I do think I need to change my whole attitude about this man. I am so set on blaming myself and maybe I have a lot to do with the demise of the relationship, but I can honestly say there is something to be told about the pattern of men I choose to have relationships with. That is why I am here. I am seeking help to learn about myself even if I don't want to see the truth. I am talking about it. I am being blatantly honest. Maybe he was emotionally abusive and I chose to not see it. I did that with my previous relationship. I chose to excuse the physical abuse too. I don't think my recent ex will be contacting me again. I'm pretty sure he doesn't want anything to do with me. I am the one who provoked communication and he responded. If I cut that tie and no longer reach out to him, I will no longer hear from him.
Methinks you need to recognize the red flags, such as the silent treatment, blaming you, not listening to you, telling you what you can and cannot do, etc, earlier and cut ties as soon as you see these flags.
Methinks you need to recognize the red flags, such as the silent treatment, blaming you, not listening to you, telling you what you can and cannot do, etc, earlier and cut ties as soon as you see these flags.
Yes, if I learn to recognize these flags and not ignore them, then I will save myself a lot of heartache. I ignored all red flags. Against my better judgment, I continued this relationship and now I am suffering the consequences. I am heartbroken and devastated.
One last thing, he has furniture stored at my parents house. I have to text him to come pick it up. I will do so in the morning. After that, we have no more ties. There will be no reason for me to contact him and he won't contact me. I might not be ready to cut all ties, but I have to. I can't hold on to hope where there is none.
I might not be ready to cut all ties, but I have to. I can't hold on to hope where there is none.
... you would not text him, leading up to a dramatic meeting at your parents' house.
You would mail him a letter and tell him to make arrangements with your parents to pick it up ... WITHOUT your being there.
Or you would have movers take the stuff TO him.
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