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It’s not something I’m forced into doing, but a mindset of: I’d rather be the one who decides.
Obviously, both decide; all you have to do is kindly/politely turn her down. I wouldn’t ‘freak-out’, but I am the type of guy who would have already asked if I was interested. That said, it was a tough position to be in - particularly at times when dating the woman (who asked) never entered my mind.
OP - generally speaking, I think the longer you know someone, the more likely the guy would have already asked if he was thinking along the same lines. That said, if you just met (whether it be in an airport, at the dentist or on a dating app), it’s common for the woman to ‘make the first move’, so to speak - even if indirectly/by way of a joke; I appreciated knowing she was approachable/single/open to the idea as some women may be quick to call a man a creep for asking i.e. they are the ones who ‘freak-out’. Just say no, lol.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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I’ll admit I still get freaked out when someone has shown interest in me. It was because growing up, it wasn’t a thing for me. Then I get out into the real world at 24 and all of a sudden while I’m trying to navigate life after college, these women are spilling their souls out going “I like you Diss” subtly and unsubtly. I felt like I got blindsided with a Cat 5 hurricane and flight was not an option. It was being put on the spot that bothered me and still does.
When I’ve gone on dates with those women, I find out I wasn’t checking for them like that romantically for a reason. Some have responded well when I’ve said “nah” to their interests, others haven’t. That would be why I still freak out when I’ve been approached by women, which hasn’t happened much lately and I’m conflicted if that is a good or bad thing for me.
Every man is different so it is hard to generalize. But in general, OP will never know the outcome unless she tries. Just be prepared to get a "no" for an answer, just like any other man would.
I personally would've been flattered if an attractive woman would've asked me out. Unfortunately, that never happened.
As someone who quit 'asking out' people decades ago, I welcome being approached. You *may not* get a 'yes' but chances are good you might (when I'm not taken, of course)... certainly better than the 'answers' I received when I approached.
I'm just curious if a guy I'm interested in would be flattered or think I'm a crazy.
I went to highschool and college with him and noticed on fb he is still single.
I recently went out with a guy friend at the casino's and everyone thought we were a couple. It boost my confidence that I still got it.
Guys would you think horrible things or think wow she's bold I like some one who is assertive?
If they already like you they probably will be very OK with it because most men are scared of rejection so they are shy about asking someone out. If you ask an old friend to just "hang out" with you, there's no reason for them to think much of anything. No biggie, go for it.
If they already like you they probably will be very OK with it because most men are scared of rejection so they are shy about asking someone out.
Too funny. Logically speaking, it’s the OP who is afraid of rejection (or is shy) since she asked the question; most women just go for it or give playful hints/flirtations, at least in my past experience - even if they left it to me to be the one to officially ask. I found it was more likely they’d be the one to ask when I wasn’t interested (or I’d have already asked); a few got pretty aggressive about it in a retaliatory type of way.
Actually asking men out directly is pretty rare. I think for a lot of women, not asking men out seems to solve certain problems for them. First they don't have to deal with rejection. A lot of women don't have much experience being rejected and if a given guy has ever rejected her, women often seem to think that means guys don't like it when women ask them out and they are violating some sort of social boundary instead of just thinking this specific guy wasn't interested in dating her. Second, expecting a guy ask them out makes sure that this guy is sufficiently interested in them. A lot of women seem to want to date a guy who knows what he wants, and a guy who isn't asking them out either doesn't know what he wants or just isn't that interested in her enough to actually pursue her. So expecting guys to ask her out kind of screens out guys who are on the fence about dating them.
So I think women tend to rely much more on trying to give guys green lights to ask them out, they might make more eye contact, be much more friendly than normal and if they are feeling especially bold, they might start flirting, bantering and teasing and this can go on for a while until a guy gets a clue or she gives up. So I would say a lot of the interactions with women where I asked them out were definitely at least partially initiated by women.
If a woman actually did want to ask a guy out, I would say go for it. You really don't have that much to lose. He might say no, but if so you asked now you know where you stand with the guy so you can move on with your life.
Actually asking men out directly is pretty rare. I think for a lot of women, not asking men out seems to solve certain problems for them. First they don't have to deal with rejection. A lot of women don't have much experience being rejected and if a given guy has ever rejected her, women often seem to think that means guys don't like it when women ask them out and they are violating some sort of social boundary instead of just thinking this specific guy wasn't interested in dating her. Second, expecting a guy ask them out makes sure that this guy is sufficiently interested in them. A lot of women seem to want to date a guy who knows what he wants, and a guy who isn't asking them out either doesn't know what he wants or just isn't that interested in her enough to actually pursue her. So expecting guys to ask her out kind of screens out guys who are on the fence about dating them.
So I think women tend to rely much more on trying to give guys green lights to ask them out, they might make more eye contact, be much more friendly than normal and if they are feeling especially bold, they might start flirting, bantering and teasing and this can go on for a while until a guy gets a clue or she gives up. So I would say a lot of the interactions with women where I asked them out were definitely at least partially initiated by women.
If a woman actually did want to ask a guy out, I would say go for it. You really don't have that much to lose. He might say no, but if so you asked now you know where you stand with the guy so you can move on with your life.
For some guys, what they 'want' doesn't matter, especially if they are always told 'no', so they shut down and say 'eff it' to the whole shebang. You know what they say about 'insanity', right?
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That doesn't work if the guy is 'color-blind' or, even worse, never gets any signals.
He said yes and we double dated with some friends and had a nice time (a dance).
But he never followed up and it was our only date.
It's been my experience, as someone said, that if a man is interested romantically he'll do the asking.
That doesn't mean a woman can't ask a man out to an event as friends though. Different situation.
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