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Not at all. The last two women I dated for a few months chased me as I was not looking for anything at the time of either partner. I see nothing wrong with it and would welcome it again.
The last two women I dated for a few months chased me as I was not looking for anything at the time of either partner. I see nothing wrong with it and would welcome it again.
Why would you want to be ‘chased’ by a woman you’re not interested in; and, if you were interested, what prevented you from asking her (and why did she have to chase you)? I’m skeptical of anyone who ‘chases’ i.e. I see it as being socially incompetent/unaware or even psychologically unwell as is the case in stalking. A socially-adept woman (and man) knows how to have a (give-and-take) conversation, and they’re open/honest while making the other feel comfortable. They don’t make you wonder if you’ll eventually find a cat or rabbit boiling in your kitchen; ask Micheal Douglas, lol.
There’s a huge difference between mutual attraction/interest (no matter who is first to express it) vs. one that is essentially one-sided/involves a chase or stalking of any sort.
Why would you want to be ‘chased’ by a woman you’re not interested in; and, if you were interested, what prevented you from asking her (and why did she have to chase you)? I’m skeptical of anyone who ‘chases’ i.e. I see it as being socially incompetent/unaware or even psychologically unwell as is the case in stalking. A socially-adept woman (and man) knows how to have a (give-and-take) conversation, and they’re open/honest while making the other feel comfortable. They don’t make you wonder if you’ll eventually find a cat or rabbit boiling in your kitchen; ask Micheal Douglas, lol.
There’s a huge difference between mutual attraction/interest (no matter who is first to express it) vs. one that is essentially one-sided/involves a chase or stalking of any sort.
Being pursued counts just like great face or intelligent girl or anything else, IMO.
I can see where a person might be focused on others and someone else comes along and expresses interest. That would be the bird in the hand. OK, go ahead. Persuade me, make your case, etc. Looking back, even though I'm hardly God's gift to women (BELIEVE ME), I can remember a few times over the years when it happened to me.
B: She had watched me from afar in church and finally asked me for a date. Although I'd never met her, I accepted (I knew her sister, brother-in-law) and we went out. She had a weight problem but had a good personality. I thought I probably wouldn't date her every weekend but I'd probably ask her again. But then she started calling me every single night. I think she had built up a lot of feelings and I was still in the starting gate. I let it go.
L: I got blindsided. She was married and I honestly had no idea she was interested. She spoke like she didn't have a husband but was at the stage of filing divorce papers. I don't believe in interfering if there's a chance the marriage could be saved. She immediately found another guy and, as soon as the divorce ink was dry, married him.
J: At first I was interested but then I realized how different we were. She liked to dance and go to church. I was into neither of those. We had a different sense of humor. She sent her friends to tell me I should ask her for a date. She was attractive enough but I thought that a date was going to think it was a beginning. She's a good person but I told her friends she's like a size 40 Armani suit. Great for someone, but not a fit for me. She went on to marry someone else and their social media posts seem happy.
T: Kind of like B, she waited until she was already into me before asking.
Anyway I read something attributed to Ovid once saying that courtship is life's nastiest little game. For those of us men who don't get the signs etc. a woman willing to make the first move can be a great thing.
Some guys are weird about that sort of thing. They could think it means she's too "easy", "masculine", or just not something most women used to do. A lot like the chase and that takes away from it. Of course, when you're the one being asked out, you have less control over that
Would you have been flattered if they weren't the two most attractive women you'd ever encountered at that time? What if they were very interesting and wonderful people, but average-looking? I only ask, because it sounds from your post, like the reason you were flattered wasn't so much because they initiated, but because they were unusually attractive in your experience. The scenario described begged the question.
Not at all. You didn't notice who I responded to. That person said (rough quote) only ugly, undesirable women ask men out. And I didn't say those were the only two.
But its always flattering.
Maybe if I was Brad Pitt and had women throwing themselves at me all the time (and from the other side Angelina Jolie), getting asked out would be tiresome, not flattering. But most of us are not Brad Pitts.
The rest of the world may be good at that stuff but I never have been, never will be.
If a woman asks me for a date it says she's interested because women don't do that much. It's a compliment, so I'm flattered (whether I accept or not).
You are hardly the "only one."
Like I said, just read these forums and see how many people have trouble figuring out other people.
Many people are just hard to read. And not everyone is always trying to send or receive signals.
Being pursued counts just like great face or intelligent girl or anything else, IMO.
My comment was to MadguyinWisconsin; but since you responded, I’ll ask you/the thread as well. If one isn’t interested, how is it a good thing to have them chasing you; and, if you are interested, why do they have to chase you i.e. be a man/woman/adult and meet the other half-way.
A date/potential relationship of any sort is a two-way street/effort; there’s a huge distinction between being playful vs. playing games.
My comment was to MadguyinWisconsin; but since you responded, I’ll ask you/the thread as well. If one isn’t interested, how is it a good thing to have them chasing you; and, if you are interested, why do they have to chase you i.e. be a man/woman/adult and meet the other half-way.
A date/potential relationship of any sort is a two-way street/effort; there’s a huge distinction between being playful vs. playing games.
Perhaps you've been in a situation where you're very attracted to someone and she wasn't interested in you. Maybe you wished she would just give you one chance because you knew you had some good qualities that might win her over. So when the shoe's on the other foot? It's like people who tell you they're so glad Jesus forgives them, but they refuse to forgive people who did something to them.
Or you may think of really attractive women from your past who treated you poorly because, you know, they're really attractive women who routinely get away with it. Why not take a chance on someone who will treat you right?
If you're looking for a long term relationship, looks aren't what will sustain it. Sometimes my internal dialog is, 'Are those just words or do you really believe it? If you won't act on it...' She already asked and if I can honestly say she has at least a small chance with me, why not? Go on a date, give it a try, and if you don't want to marry her you don't have to.
Mae West said it's better to be looked over than overlooked. The woman asking me for a date is like getting a yes vote. It can make you a little more confident.
3/4 of the situations I described didn't involve much chasing. They simply asked me for a date (after probably thinking about it for weeks till they got the courage up). At that point the baton was handed to me to continue the asking, so to speak. J was the persistent one. I tried avoiding it, not wanting to hurt her feelings, but she wanted a definitive answer. Not to put myself down, but I have no idea what she saw in me exactly. The crowd we ran in had better looking guys, richer guys, fitter guys...she was a $uccessful woman with lots of friends and I declined to participate in her two major hobbies. If I could have talked myself into it, I would have. When it comes to attraction, logic often goes out the window.
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Guys would you think horrible things or think wow she's bold I like some one who is assertive?
I'm not a guy, but I wouldn't let how someone would think about it stop me. If they don't like it, they don't accept and you move on to a better guy. What's the problem? You be you. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. For every person out there that would say no, I bet there are more that would say "sure, when did you have in mind?"
Some guys are weird about that sort of thing. They could think it means she's too "easy", "masculine", or just not something most women used to do.
I’d be the first to admit I don’t like ‘masculine’ women; that said, I don’t consider a woman expressing interest in a date (or even asking) as being ‘masculine’. It’s been a common thing for at least a couple of decades. :-)
However, if she’d rather I asked her (and she let me know by flirting/social cues) - I appreciated that as well, maybe even more so.
Quote:
Originally Posted by perennial millennial
A lot like the chase and that takes away from it.
I’m stunned by how many appear to believe a ‘chase’ is a good thing, lol. Healthy, interested adults meet each other in the middle (and take an active part in getting to know each other). There has to be mutual interest; else, what’s the point?
Quote:
Originally Posted by perennial millennial
Of course, when you're the one being asked out, you have less control over that
Both have control - whether they ask or say yes/no.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ILTXwhatnext
The question was whether we would date someone who wasn't totally attractive.
I wouldn’t; but ‘totally attractive’ means I need to find her appealing/attractive on the inside as well.
Last edited by CorporateCowboy; 09-29-2022 at 09:50 AM..
Reason: added quote/response
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