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It's the difference between 2 dates and 8 dates. Not interested in a relationship? Know by 2 dates. Just want to go out, have fun? Have 8 dates. You are getting all the info you need in 2 dates. And if you are still on the fence? There's your answer. Move on. This is for those who want an exclusive relationship. Some people don't.
Yeah but people that just want fun are usually forthcoming in saying that's all they want so the wanting kids talk would be void and wouldn't come up.
You're not planning your future "together." Most people know whether they want kids. It's generally pretty clear, and asking upfront saves time and saves a LOT of hurt feelings later on, whether a person wants/does not want them.
People never want to discuss the important stuff upfront. It's why there are so many divorces.
Yeah but this is stuff you would sort out BEFORE you actually become exclusive and not wait until after?
It's not something you bang out on a first date because again you've just met them or know extremely little about them... I know the whole point of dating is getting to know one another but it's a touch heavy to start off with " I want/don't want kids " ..... Don't you think?
It's the difference between 2 dates and 8 dates. Not interested in a relationship? Know by 2 dates. Just want to go out, have fun? Have 8 dates. You are getting all the info you need in 2 dates. And if you are still on the fence? There's your answer. Move on. This is for those who want an exclusive relationship. Some people don't.
Yeah I just don't operate like that.. I'm in no rush. I can understand why some people are though.. if having kids is a dealbreaker.
I think the subject came up around date 4-5 for my husband and I. And it wasn't a question asked or a "where do you see yourself in life?" The conversation went something like:
Me: *chatting about my niece, and my soon to be niece* She's a sweet girl, and I'm excited to see [new niece]. I like being an aunt. Don't really want any children of my own, though.
Him: I agree. Kids aren't something I'm interested in.
Me: Good to hear. Wanna go back to playing Stalker?
And that's it. I didn't really intend to bring it up that fast or that way, but it just came out. I found out we were on the same page, and all was good. :-)
I honestly would advocate bringing it up relatively soon if it's something important to you. I've had guys ask if I wanted kids before even meeting in person. One straight up said that when (not if, when) we started dating he demanded I go off birth control so he could get me pregnant as soon as possible, because it's his dream to be a father.
If you have a profile on an online dating site, that decision needs to be in your profile. Something that major needs to be known before you literally even meet someone. As far as discussing in person, that topic needs to be broached ASAP.
Yeah but this is stuff you would sort out BEFORE you actually become exclusive and not wait until after?
It's not something you bang out on a first date because again you've just met them or know extremely little about them... I know the whole point of dating is getting to know one another but it's a touch heavy to start off with " I want/don't want kids " ..... Don't you think?
Again, I think this is age bracket dependent. If the woman in the couple is in her mid-thirties or later, the discussion is likely going to be pretty much immediate because there isn't much time. It's not about maybe changing minds later. She either knows she wants kids or she doesn't, and she doesn't want to waste time with people who want the opposite. I would not have a problem dating someone who already has kids, but I would not date a childfree man who wants to have children. Period. There's no point in even getting past date 1 at that point because it's simply not going to happen.
This might be different if we are talking about a couple who is dating in their late 20s or even early thirties. There is more time to discuss and get to know each other. Minds might even change a bit when someone is young enough. Once you've reached the point of no return, the discussion needs to be quick- date 1 or 2 at the absolute latest.
Again, I think this is age bracket dependent. If the woman in the couple is in her mid-thirties or later, the discussion is likely going to be pretty much immediate because there isn't much time. It's not about maybe changing minds later. She either knows she wants kids or she doesn't, and she doesn't want to waste time with people who want the opposite. I would not have a problem dating someone who already has kids, but I would not date a childfree man who wants to have children. Period. There's no point in even getting past date 1 at that point because it's simply not going to happen.
This might be different if we are talking about a couple who is dating in their late 20s or even early thirties. There is more time to discuss and get to know each other. Minds might even change a bit when someone is young enough. Once you've reached the point of no return, the discussion needs to be quick- date 1 or 2 at the absolute latest.
To be honest in most cases i don't think the age is what's key, if something is important enough or they feel strongly about such as not having kids or wont get married etc then naturally it would come up pretty quickly regardless of their age as again its hugely important and relevant to them.
For with yourself you clearly would feel the need to assert yourself in telling a bloke straight away ( which is fine and understandable ).
Yes I'm all for humour and light hearted conversation that you would normally associate with on a first date but on reflection yes I probably would entertain something that was important for her to clear up of course but I'm sure you could see the difference in having a nice bit of banter and talking seriously on heavy/controversial subjects on a first date?
I can understand your logic and over a few dates I'd establish a lot about her and should know if there's a future between us, but it's not for me on a very first date so again I'll agree with butterflyfish if I don't enjoy the first date ( in her getting too heavy and serious ) then there won't be a second one
I don't think I've ever even asked, it's usually came up fairly soon into relationships though. Not the talk of us having kids necessarily, just us discussing things about children or hypotheticals like "When I have kids, I wouldn't want them to do this or that" or something.
I don't think I've ever even asked, it's usually came up fairly soon into relationships though. Not the talk of us having kids necessarily, just us discussing things about children or hypotheticals like "When I have kids, I wouldn't want them to do this or that" or something.
That's my experience exactly mate
That's what I was referring to when I said I'll know within the first few dates .... Basically using the time spent together and in chat
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