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The whiner guys always say that women have all the "power" in determining who gets a date. They neglect to realize that the women no one approaches have zilch. It's the men who do the choosing who exercise a measure of "power". It's a 2-way street.
My son used to be approached by women quite often. But then he was considered very handsome - handsome and charming with a smile that lit up the room. These things help. I on the other hand, had to work hard at it.
I found that women do give out a subtle invitation signal. When they are not interested they make it very clear!
But in my experience, women seem to want men to do the approaching and I have no problem with that. Not anymore anyway. I used to be too shy and inhibited and lacked the confidence to approach girls even when they were giving strong signals - which wasn't very often! They don't consciously send out signals though. That's my observation anyway.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
The whiner guys always say that women have all the "power" in determining who gets a date. They neglect to realize that the women no one approaches have zilch. It's the men who do the choosing who exercise a measure of "power". It's a 2-way street.
Not true at all. Those women can approach, and with OLD, they often do.
I don't count those as approaches, no, and never did throughout this entire thread. I "counted," if you will (???), the woman coming up to actively start the conversation, which I also "count" for men approaching women.
The whiner guys always say that women have all the "power" in determining who gets a date. They neglect to realize that the women no one approaches have zilch. It's the men who do the choosing who exercise a measure of "power". It's a 2-way street.
Exactly!! I often see you bring this up on the forums and the 'whiner guys' always disregard it like it's a falsehood. But I have a friend who's tried dating for months and has had almost no luck with guys. There isn't even really a reason for it either (she has a great personality). I'm continually surprised she hasn't gotten much interest, and it's hard for her. She has also done the approaching, with no success. Yet these guys like to act like we all have 1000 men dying to date us, and we treat all of them like garbage. Okay.
I think many of the guys complaining about women having too much power in the interaction don't realize what goes on.
Approaching a woman effectively isn't rocket science. All a guy has to do is say "Hi, I'm xxx" shake hand, listen and remember her name then give a genuine compliment and small talk to know what she's like. If the feeling is good and both have time move the girl in a place where they can comfortably keep talking and go forward from there. If no time he can tell her to put her number in his mobile phone and call later. If nothing seems to spark just say with a smile "it was nice talking to you, have a nice day" and walk away. Incredibly terrifying, right?
Let me tell you what's really a terrifying approach. It's when a guy goes to a random girl and he is so desperate to have sex with her that the first thing he says is some unfunny pick up line (dude:"Oh my god! Are you hurt? Because you just fell from heaven" which proceeds to complain on an internet forum after the girl answers: "do you know who else fell from heaven? Satan."), then she tells her name but the guy won't remember because who cares, she has boobies and nothing else matters. Then she turns cold and wants to leave but doesn't tell the guy right away he's an idiot because she might be afraid to be unpolite (guy will also inevitably report on internet forums how bitchy and entitled the girl was). After a while the guy can either talk about totally uninteresting, boring and plain stuff he has no passion about for an overly prolonged amount of time in the hope of achieving god knows what or become a dancing monkey spouting unfunny jokes one after another because someone else on the internet told him that women like men who make them laugh (hint- women laugh at men they already like, not vice versa).
In either case the guy is being awkward for long periods of times. And that's the problem. Nobody likes resorting to be a dancing monkey to keep people's attention. Nobody likes to feel uncomfortable and waiting to be qualified by another person (whole ego is at stake in the bad interaction. If girl doesn't like guy he feels his worth as a human being is reduced). We can call this an approach but in reality the guy is just failing at social interaction and he is deservedly treated like a loser for it.
I've seen many guys doing stupid approaches of all kinds. If they just had a camera pointed at them and were forced to listen what they were saying and watch what they were doing they would understand who really is at fault in the interaction. The guys who fail at approaching and at understanding how this stuff works are the same guys who believe their real personality is worth nothing and they have to resort to tactics in the hope of making a better impression than they otherwise would.
Anyway even in a hypothetical world where every woman was showered by male attention and never initiated anything and every man was forced to either cold approach or die alone I would still choose to be a man. Why? Because having choice is worth a lot.
There are infinite women, men can just keep hitting the type they like until they get the result they want. Waiting for people to come and approach you and hoping one of them is mr.right is a premium time waster. When you don't get to choose you simply don't hold any power.
So, to the guys complaining about women not approaching, please stop feeling bad for yourself if women don't ask you out. You get to decide what to do with your life and the people you talk to. Isn't that great?
points.
i suck at remembering names.
i suck at small-talk.
lol why wouldnt they? they dont have to risk getting rejected or blown off.
and even if they dont have all of it...women definitely have the majority of the power.
No one in the dating realm has "power" over another, unless that power is given to them.
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