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Yes there most certainly is. End the relationship and get yourself into therapy to find out why you are so distrustful and have low impulse control so you can learn to communicate properly instead of excusing your behavior by saying you are feisty and come from a family of hot heads and blaming other people for your poor choices.
On top of that, you want to bring an innocent child into the picture when you don't have your own life together. Being a parent means putting your child's needs first, they are not toys and I can only imagine the type of environment that poor baby would be brought into. Trust issues, low self discipline and domestic violence just to start.
After it happened, I was so upset so I told my parents and sisters what she did, and they were furious , even more than I was. I wish I never told them b/c they love her. My mom looks at her as her own child. But I'm sure she feels differently now. The holidays are coming up and I really don't want any conflicts to break out. I come from a family of hotheads, which is probably where I get it from smh. Is there a way I could make this better between them?
yes, tell them the truth. You are not a victim here, you have 50% fault.
My gf and I are a lesbian couple who have been in a loving relationship for 5 years, we now own a house together and are even considering adoption soon. We have never had any incidences of violence in the past. My gf doesn't even like to raise her voice. I'm definitely the more feisty one. I've always had trust issues due to being cheated on in the past so on this particular night I saw a text pop up from a random girl's name, I asked her who it was, and she told me it was her friend. I didn't believe her so I snatched the phone but it was locked. I told her to give me her password and she wouldn't. I stupidly in the heat of the moment threw the phone across the floor and shattered the screen. Then I got the shock of my life because she slapped the **** out of me. Mind you she's a lot bigger, taller, and stronger than me. But at that moment, I was pissed so I hit her back and we started fighting like for real. She ended up whooping my ass bad. I was screaming and the guy who rents our basement out heard us and pulled her off of me. She left that night to stay with her mom, but she's back in the house now. She apologized but I still told her to sleep in the guest room because I'm not over it. I can't believe she would ever put her hands on me like that. I want to get past this because I love her, and we have built a life together but idk if things will go back to normal. Any advice you all may have would be appreciated.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jessie93
I engaged in the fight but I'm the one who came out with marks. I was screaming, and it took a man we barely know to get her off me. That's why I feel she's more at fault. She has issues with self control.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jessie93
After it happened, I was so upset so I told my parents and sisters what she did, and they were furious , even more than I was. I wish I never told them b/c they love her. My mom looks at her as her own child. But I'm sure she feels differently now. The holidays are coming up and I really don't want any conflicts to break out. I come from a family of hotheads, which is probably where I get it from smh. Is there a way I could make this better between them?
uhm. okay. So YOU have no issues with self control?
My gf and I are a lesbian couple who have been in a loving relationship for 5 years, we now own a house together and are even considering adoption soon. We have never had any incidences of violence in the past. My gf doesn't even like to raise her voice. I'm definitely the more feisty one. I've always had trust issues due to being cheated on in the past so on this particular night I saw a text pop up from a random girl's name, I asked her who it was, and she told me it was her friend. I didn't believe her so I snatched the phone but it was locked. I told her to give me her password and she wouldn't. I stupidly in the heat of the moment threw the phone across the floor and shattered the screen. Then I got the shock of my life because she slapped the **** out of me. Mind you she's a lot bigger, taller, and stronger than me. But at that moment, I was pissed so I hit her back and we started fighting like for real. She ended up whooping my ass bad. I was screaming and the guy who rents our basement out heard us and pulled her off of me. She left that night to stay with her mom, but she's back in the house now. She apologized but I still told her to sleep in the guest room because I'm not over it. I can't believe she would ever put her hands on me like that. I want to get past this because I love her, and we have built a life together but idk if things will go back to normal. Any advice you all may have would be appreciated.
Not to make light of a serious situation but... geez lesbian drama
If I can read in between the lines a little here, you antagonized your GF, you provoked her, you have a history of doing that, and you probably were like "yeah I broke your phone what are you going to do now bi-ch" lol I can just see it now. And you are hoping for some sympathy?
I think anyone can snap, even if the GF had insurance on the phone that's at least $200 to get it replaced hah, and prolonged exposure to harassment can get someone to that stage especially when they feel it's a flight or fight situation ie having someone that is obviously irate in your face throwing things and acting out.
Eh, what can I say lesbian drama at it's finest. I'm sure you two can get over this incident but I think YOU OP should learn some self control and how to manage your insecurity and emotions. There are therapist for that.
I engaged in the fight but I'm the one who came out with marks. I was screaming, and it took a man we barely know to get her off me. That's why I feel she's more at fault. She has issues with self control.
From what you've described in your posts YOU are the one who has worse trust and emotional control issues. After 5 years in the relationship of her coping with the burden of your mistrust, jealousy and trying to control her it sounds like your accusations, demands and physical actions against her this time were the final straw to break the camel's back and she blew up and lashed out in her own way.
You have both just demonstrated to each other how abusive you both actually are and that you're both capable of violence. Maybe it's a good thing that this violent incident has happened at this time between just the two of you, so the truth about both of you has become fully evident before you went so far as to adopt a child together. Bringing a child into an abusive home would be a travesty and hopefully under the circumstances you would both recognize that and not consider adopting. A child will not fix a bad relationship, it will only make the relationship worse, and doubly worse for the child.
I think if you really want to fix the relationship you both need to go for extensive counseling together. Whether or not you stay together/break up I'd suggest that you do not consider adopting a child. You have serious trust and control issues that you need to get a complete grip on before you can think about bringing an innocent child into your home. Otherwise, if you don't get control of yourself you will burden your child with your issues too, with potentially tragic consequences.
My gf and I are a lesbian couple who have been in a loving relationship for 5 years, we now own a house together and are even considering adoption soon. We have never had any incidences of violence in the past. My gf doesn't even like to raise her voice. I'm definitely the more feisty one. I've always had trust issues due to being cheated on in the past so on this particular night I saw a text pop up from a random girl's name, I asked her who it was, and she told me it was her friend. I didn't believe her so I snatched the phone but it was locked. I told her to give me her password and she wouldn't. I stupidly in the heat of the moment threw the phone across the floor and shattered the screen. Then I got the shock of my life because she slapped the **** out of me. Mind you she's a lot bigger, taller, and stronger than me. But at that moment, I was pissed so I hit her back and we started fighting like for real. She ended up whooping my ass bad. I was screaming and the guy who rents our basement out heard us and pulled her off of me. She left that night to stay with her mom, but she's back in the house now. She apologized but I still told her to sleep in the guest room because I'm not over it. I can't believe she would ever put her hands on me like that. I want to get past this because I love her, and we have built a life together but idk if things will go back to normal. Any advice you all may have would be appreciated.
Although you were abusive to each other, the situation should not have escalated to an out of control physical fight. If the man hadn't pulled her off of you, she could have killed you. You stated that she is bigger than you, so she can beat your a$$ whenever she feels like you deserve an a$$ beating. House, five years, love, first physical fight, whatever, you two are not good for each other.
I can't say that I wouldn't want to kick my SO's arse if he broke my phone, but I do have enough self control to remove myself from the situation before I get into a fight. I have never been in a physical fight. I say what I want to say and remove myself at a fast pace.
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