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Exactly! I fell in love with my spouse's personality and sense of humor
I do worry that your good nature is being taken advantage of in this situation.
Remember that her personality is such that she took vows with you knowing who she was marrying while knowing full well that you did not know who you were marrying. She knew what she was doing; you did not, and she was very well aware of that when you both said "I do." That's not a personality that is looking out for you and caring for you, that's a personality that is taking advantage of you.
Just a word of caution from an anonymous stranger on the internet who doesn't know what she's talking about.
Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
926 posts, read 674,019 times
Reputation: 1525
Quote:
Originally Posted by oldgardener
I do worry that your good nature is being taken advantage of in this situation.
Remember that her personality is such that she took vows with you knowing who she was marrying while knowing full well that you did not know who you were marrying. She knew what she was doing; you did not, and she was very well aware of that when you both said "I do." That's not a personality that is looking out for you and caring for you, that's a personality that is taking advantage of you.
Just a word of caution from an anonymous stranger on the internet who doesn't know what she's talking about.
Believe me, I share these same sentiments with you along with a few choice ones of my own.
BUT...after the OP responded to both of my posts with what she said (and how she said it), Idk...I just can't help but to get the feeling that this person is a kinder and more forgiving soul than her spouse DESERVES....I mean, if SHE can get over this horrific situation and accept it AND accept him/her for what they are now - then *I* should be able to just get over it and forget about it.
But, I just know how I am...and let's just say, that her spouse is VERY extremely LUCKY that they didn't have ME as their wife....because I would so leave them in a heartbeat...without EVER looking back. And further more, I would NOT miss them AT ALL, after they deceived me for all those years.
I almost wish I had never seen this thread! It's really messing with my head....
This is similar to back in the day when gay people, usually men, married women and had families and did the whole bit only to find out after 25 years that they wanted to come out of the closet and "be true to themselves."
Tough situation, feel bad for the OP. I'm not sure how I'd deal with this to be honest. I'd probably move on although I do feel for the person, people have to do what they have to do.
Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
926 posts, read 674,019 times
Reputation: 1525
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
This is similar to back in the day when gay people, usually men, married women and had families and did the whole bit only to find out after 25 years that they wanted to come out of the closet and "be true to themselves."
Tough situation, feel bad for the OP. I'm not sure how I'd deal with this to be honest. I'd probably move on although I do feel for the person, people have to do what they have to do.
Yeah. People gotta do what they gotta do....BUT, they gotta do it BEFORE they drag another innocent soul down with them in their _____d up world. I don't feel ANYTHING for someone who could deceive another person like that. NO excuse for it.
Thank you everyone that replied. I am just hoping someone who is going through this same thing can share how they are doing with it. I was on a forum years ago when my spouse came out that was basically ladies like me that stayed and accepted. It just got to be too much drama for me. LOL
I do appreciate all the replies here. You all are very kind as well
This is similar to back in the day when gay people, usually men, married women and had families and did the whole bit only to find out after 25 years that they wanted to come out of the closet and "be true to themselves."
Tough situation, feel bad for the OP. I'm not sure how I'd deal with this to be honest. I'd probably move on although I do feel for the person, people have to do what they have to do.
I applaud your great effort to be supportive and understanding of all this. The only thing that I can recommend, is communication. If the restaurant thing bothers you, have a conversation about it. Maybe say that you did not accept your Spouse always paying the bill because of gender roles when she was outwardly male, you did so more because of the differences in how much money you made. And while she is now a woman, the difference in your paychecks remains the same. You never viewed free dinners as a perk of being female, you figured it was a matter of who could better afford it. And that you need time with your own friends. Partners need not always be together attached at the hip 24/7.
I almost get an odd sense that these things...seem like a reflection of your spouse's desire to be accepted as a woman, into what she perceives as a world of womanhood and women's privileges. That isn't really how it works. Sometimes the lady pays the check, and when it comes to friendships, you have to build them. A woman isn't automatically issued some kind of girls' club membership card. You've put time and effort into building those bonds, and the introduction of your partner to the group will cause ripples, which might be uncomfortable or even destructive to the social dynamic there.
I would try to seek other ways to make your spouse feel validated as a woman, that don't make you feel so resentful, if you can. Try to address whatever the underlying motivation might be.
Not to derail your thread but I'd like to see someone start a thread about whether someone would stay married or common-in-law with someone who decided they were transgender a few years in a relationship.
If it was me I'd try to stay friends but would end the relationship. I think the majority of men would leave and maybe a few more women would be accepting.
Too bad your partner had to derail the retirement plans by going forward with the operation. How much did it cost if you don't mind me asking?
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