Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. I went through the same thing as you. Just realized it @ 6 years ago. See my post a little further back about the 3 things that happened.
I just learned to move on and stopped OLD for sure. I keep myself pretty busy just focusing on myself, my job and extended family. Also it got a lot easier just to tell people "no" when being invited to weddings or other events.
What I'm saying is that you just have to learn to be content with what you have and not put yourself in depressing situations. I've gotten pretty damn skilled at it. And there are so many people, both men and women around me, that can't stand it that I'm content without falling into their group or family or social drama.
And I'm not saying that I like not having a girlfriend. I just accept the situation and try to make the most of what I have in terms of friends and neighbors and extended family.
and THERE is the key.... contentment with oneself, acceptance of the current situation.....
worrying and stressing about no SO accomplishes nothing other than making you appear needy..... and making you feel bad about yourself.... for no reason AT ALL......
We are not romantically involved and never have been ...... just really good friends who accept one another for who each is.....
I already understand that. In fact, what you described would be perfect for me. I only said "LTR" because I was making a concession, as far as my life goals are concerned. I'm aware that my ideal "relationship"---a roommate-type arrangement---isn't mainstream in the slightest: most straight women won't stand for it. Instead, they want to live together romantically with a man, build a life together, and do everything together with him; although the severity of this varies. So, I feel like I'll have an easier time finding an LTR, than a strictly platonic live-in friendship like yours. But even so, unless it's a really laid-back LTR, I want no part of it.
It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. I went through the same thing as you. Just realized it @ 6 years ago. See my post a little further back about the 3 things that happened.
I just learned to move on and stopped OLD for sure. I keep myself pretty busy just focusing on myself, my job and extended family. Also it got a lot easier just to tell people "no" when being invited to weddings or other events.
Thanks man. Can’t locate which post you’re talking about. Maybe you can tell me?
And what do you mean you stopped “OLD”? Does that stand for something?
I already understand that. In fact, what you described would be perfect for me. I only said "LTR" because I was making a concession, as far as my life goals are concerned. I'm aware that my ideal "relationship"---a roommate-type arrangement---isn't mainstream in the slightest: most straight women won't stand for it. Instead, they want to live together romantically with a man, build a life together, and do everything together with him; although the severity of this varies. So, I feel like I'll have an easier time finding an LTR, than a strictly platonic live-in friendship like yours. But even so, unless it's a really laid-back LTR, I want no part of it.
gotch'ya!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by LI7788
Thanks man. Can’t locate which post you’re talking about. Maybe you can tell me?
And what do you mean you stopped “OLD”? Does that stand for something?
Thanks man. Can’t locate which post you’re talking about. Maybe you can tell me?
And what do you mean you stopped “OLD”? Does that stand for something?
Responding to the OP, I gave up after three main events.
One was a girl I got involved with from my hometown who turned out to be apparently bipolar, or just a very messed up individual wanting attention and drama. The reason it stunk was because my parents were involved since they still live in the hometown (I don't), so it was a major embarrassment to them.
Number two was when I was seeing someone and she didn't want to go out on a Saturday night with me and other friends. When I went by her apartment later that night, she was on match.com. This was about 9 years ago. I'm sure in today's world that practically anyone I would ask out will be shopping for the next best date on an OLD site. It seems to be prevalent for everyone in the 35-50 age range. Works great for females, men, not so much.
Number three was two DUIs in a 2 month span. Both were times when I was out just trying to socialize, dance, and meet that special someone. Yes I was guilty as charged and this also caused some major embarrassment.
So, yea, I just gave up. Gave up about 6 years ago.
All I'm focused on right now is saving some major money and retiring in @ 4 years and moving to the islands. I'm not that far off. If I lost my job today I would be moving in 3 months or less with what I have. I've been saving big time for 5 years. As long as the stock market doesn't do a major crash, I'm good.
I'm sure in today's world that practically anyone I would ask out will be shopping for the next best date on an OLD site.
Sad but very, very true. Years ago you'd meet a girl at a bar or maybe through a friend and a date would be a more special, significant event. I say this because I remember it. I was only born in 1984 and I can still sit here and actually talk about "the old times" of circa 2007 before online dating exploded and a first date didn't feel like a quick flash of whatever. Pre online dating the most you'd have to worry about messing up your flow with a new girl were a couple of other random men that may have been in the girls life. Now the girl goes back home after she had an "iffy" date with you and instead of seeing it through she opens some of her other 25 messages she got that day and kicks you to the curb soon after.
This isn't saying there is no success with Online dating of course, there's plenty, but the game has changed and it is absolutely an uphill battle for men, especially men like me that can't 'check off' everything on their profile as noted earlier. With my particular situation it wasn't a girl leaving me after an amazing 2 months for another online date but instead an ex-boyfriend which is just as bad imo. But this is the world. This is what good looking women have gotten away with for ages. They think they can do whatever they want and until the day comes where its viewed as completely and utterly unacceptable (never), they'll still do it, still break guys hearts, and thats that.
l dunno how people keep missing the other side of the OLD thing that's all over every forum on the net.
Guys, women end up just as burned out from online date sites as guys do. Every women l met cursed it . Every forum you read there are women all through that cursing it and burned out from it and getting just as ghosted and puzzled and hurt and have only had a few waste of time dead end short relationships in years of it.
l know great looking women been on it for years and have just been kicked from pillar to post the whole time.
And l must've read about 1000's of them.
It's an allusion for most male or female, just read around at the real stories.
l also found some stats , stats for everything now right, l know, l hate effg stats , but anyway.
The number of women OR men , finding anything worthwhile or marriage on date sites was exactly the same.
About 4% of each.
But yaknow , the more guys go round on the net sprouting taht stuff the more they tell women all over the damn world , hey , you can go on a date site and have your pick, l mean talk about self sabotage. It's guys creating the very illusion they moan about that's supposedly destroying things.
Because no. they can't and they don't. l knocked back heap of women on mine and if it was all so wonderful for the other 90% of avergage or below then why are they messaging me first.
Every women l met was sick to death of it and giving up just like everyone else, every one. And they've been the absolute pick of the crop. Yet had been on it for years or on and off it keep giving up , can't hack it any more.
The rest , forget it . It's a total lost cause, just like for most people male or female.
And here's one more thing to remember.
In the other forum l'm in and that's alllllll they effg talk about there, dating , relationships, the whole forum is about that. l've gotta leave it actually it's depressing as hell.
Well , there must've been 1000s of girls on there complaining about the exact same thing guys go all over the internet shooting themsleves in the foot about.
Except they say guys have the upper hand especially on date sites.
They pick them up , try them out for some fun and if she isn't interested he's back on there and with another one that night. All 99% of them and some are honeys too l've met them, get is ghosted or used up.
They also complain over and over and over and OVER, just encase ya missed the over, that it's really hard being a female now because guys in RL don't ask girls out anymore. Most fo them haven't been asked out in years.
They say , same again , because he doesn't have too, he can just go log on and line up a date.
And, it's all true , l do it myself. Haven't asked a girl out in years.
Sometimes l even think ahh fk it she might be on my date site l might do it then .
My issue isn't online dating, tbh , l couldn't care less about that l know the real story of how that all unfolds and they find that out soon enough.
But what's been so disheartening to me , is that l've fallen in love once since divorce, we both had more than we could ever dream or hope for , but she had problems. 48 and there really wasn't much alternative than split in the end , just couldn't find a way through it.
But , later on , l then met a second women to my disbelief that again we could've been anything and all we'd ever want but again she had issues. And she wasn't even properly divorced yet either.
So my real worry now is , is it even possible to fall in love with some one in their 40s now , that isn't all damaged and messed up.
l mean twice , wtf is that.
l notice dit too with any l met on the date site.
That never happened once ever back in my 20s before l was married.
l mean there must be normal healthy women out there in their 40s , but l can tell ya , that's what's scaring the hell out of me.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
