Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I would be interested to know what the relationship between the sisters is like. Her motivation for getting close to the BIL might be some lingering resentment between them. Maybe she liked the idea of keeping a secret from the sister, but then it got out of control.
What about my wife begging for me to just be normal. I don't think I can just act like nothing happened, this piece of scum though no one knew and was going to go on without any repercussion. When I told him he turned ghost white and just walked away(to then call my wife crying about his family). I think he tried grooming my wife with small little secrets about running with the ultimate play of having a physical affair.
I told my wife from the get go that he needed to know that I knew since I wasn't going to walk around being awkward. He is the POS who should be walking on egg shells around me. She gets so upset but I stand by my position and feel that she should be supportive of this stance. I told her I would make no comments and if someone asked why we don't talk I'd defer to him to explain. I get her concerns of the family in fighting but after his actions and the ramifications that would/could/may have for my kids I honestly cannot stand to even look at him.
Here's the thing - if he was grooming your wife for an affair, then chances are he's done the same with other women. Doesn't your wife's sister deserve to know what a POS she's married to? And please keep in mind, it won't be YOU who is messing up their family - it's the BIL with his actions that will have destroyed everything.
I would be interested to know what the relationship between the sisters is like.
I do think that is an important factor because the reaction of the OP's wife to the whole thing makes NO sense.
Anyone who had a good relationship with her husband AND her own sister would have backed WAY off the minute the BIL suggested keeping their runs a secret. Instead this wife dug in deeper.
I do think that is an important factor because the reaction of the OP's wife to the whole thing makes NO sense.
Anyone who had a good relationship with her husband AND her own sister would have backed WAY off the minute the BIL suggested keeping their runs a secret. Instead this wife dug in deeper.
It makes sense if she is trying to minimize the damage. There is something going on. If the OP decides to shrug and keep his wife's secrets, he is culpable in what happens to these two families next when the truth does come out. And it always does.
Allow me to highlight the red flags of a cheating spouse.
Put a keylogger on her computer and a voice activated recorder in her car to pick up her phone conversations. Follow her to where they usually run. Gather evidence and then end the affair by exposing it to every family member, friend, and employer.
Unless you're not serious about saving your marriage. Because as long as the affair goes on, you and your children are in grave danger. Do you want this guy to be their stepfather?
Jeeze- over react much? She's fessed up about everything and lied about nothing. She's just a little naive, and maybe this is a learning experience to set up some better boundaries. She probably just mistakenly thought of the guy as family and safe.
What about my wife begging for me to just be normal. I don't think I can just act like nothing happened, this piece of scum though no one knew and was going to go on without any repercussion. When I told him he turned ghost white and just walked away(to then call my wife crying about his family). I think he tried grooming my wife with small little secrets about running with the ultimate play of having a physical affair.
I told my wife from the get go that he needed to know that I knew since I wasn't going to walk around being awkward. He is the POS who should be walking on egg shells around me. She gets so upset but I stand by my position and feel that she should be supportive of this stance. I told her I would make no comments and if someone asked why we don't talk I'd defer to him to explain. I get her concerns of the family in fighting but after his actions and the ramifications that would/could/may have for my kids I honestly cannot stand to even look at him.
I don't think you have to be normal, and you have every right to lay into the chump. That is a mistake on your wife's part to ask.
So everyone knows except the sister. So when they are all together, all feel weird and the sister feels it and has no clue. Not fair. She needs to know.
So everyone knows except the sister. So when they are all together, all feel weird and the sister feels it and has no clue. Not fair. She needs to know.
According to the OP, she already suspects. Why o why is the wife so intent on protecting the scumbag BIL?
My wife has not seen him or run since he texted her that he wanted to kiss her. She was also not alone with him, nor took up any of his invitations to do activities with just them and the kids. I don't believe there was any physical affair but do have high suspicion that an emotional affair took place...I mean the amount of calls and especially texts were way more then we had in the same time frame. I think she liked the attention and he took it to far, hence her freaking out. I also think she may have freaked because I started asking a lot of questions and stated that I found it weird that they were running all the time and lying about it to her sister and that if her sister didn't like it then she should stop. I don't know, I also see her deflecting blame on me that I am going to destroy the family and causing her all this unneeded anxiety as a mechanism to make me the bad guy and not him or her.
aargh, I hate when they do that.
I am with you, OP. *hugs*
Last edited by PJSaturn; 03-21-2018 at 12:10 PM..
Reason: Fixed technical glitch in quote.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
