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If my wife acted like that after things had been brought out in the open I would let her “have the family”
If she isn’t willing to address this, there really isn’t anything you can do.
It’s going to be a fight everytime something comes up she doesn’t want to discuss
If my wife acted like that after things had been brought out in the open I would let her “have the family”
If she isn’t willing to address this, there really isn’t anything you can do.
It’s going to be a fight everytime something comes up she doesn’t want to discuss
F that noise.
There IS something he can do. Bring the issue out into the open. Get all four people into a room together and have it out.
One potential drawback from that is if the sister-in-law supports her sister and her denials. If that were to happen and the truth didn't come out, it would be time to consider a separation/divorce.
There IS something he can do. Bring the issue out into the open. Get all four people into a room together and have it out.
One potential drawback from that is if the sister-in-law supports her sister and her denials. If that were to happen and the truth didn't come out, it would be time to consider a separation/divorce.
I wouldn’t want to be with anyone who NEEDED an intervention just to discuss the affects of their actions on the marriage.
Beyond that the “all about the family” nonsense doesn’t fly when you’re the one who took it on yourself to make a situation for the family in the first place.
This goes beyond the cheating, It goes in to the character of the person and if they are even capable of preventing themselves from this type of behavior.
By all means try to salvage whatever it is their is to salvage if that’s something you care to consider, but until the wife is capable of addressing issues in her own it’s going to be a constant struggle for her to be trustworthy and truthful in her commitments.
Their is so many broken ties and trusts happening here that this is unlikely to have a solid resolution for all that are involved.
There IS something he can do. Bring the issue out into the open. Get all four people into a room together and have it out.
One potential drawback from that is if the sister-in-law supports her sister and her denials. If that were to happen and the truth didn't come out, it would be time to consider a separation/divorce.
Or, as often happens, the sister turns against her tattling sister and chooses to believe her husband, who would deny he did such a thing or even more, say she is the one that made advances to him.
You've certainly heard the term "kill the messenger"
OP I hope you will at least attempt to seek 50/50 custody, should the worst happen. Do not leave the family home, whatever you do. She needs to find her own place. Kids stay in the home with you.
UPDATE: So it has been a few weeks now and I am just as confused as I was at the start. My wife still will not tell her sister and keeps getting upset with me that I will not just act normal around the BIL. For example, she placed me in a situation last weekend in which I had to bring my kids to his house(while his wife was there) and my wife would't be there. She then got upset when I told her I just made small talk and nothing else. Fast forward to this weekend and there was a family get together. We arrived first, I ate and then BIL family arrived. He never came into the dining room but sat and watched TV, wife told me to go outside and watch the kids.
We get in the car and she goes off on how I am ruing her life and family by not talking to him, how it is so noticeable to everyone that there is a problem. Why can't I just let it go and be normal. I explained that I was not the one who did anything wrong and that he chose not to come into the dining room, further it was her that told me to go outside. Needless to say, she stopped talking to me and went to bed early. This morning I told her that we need to go to couples counseling as this is not going to fly with me and we need a 3rd party opinion. She flipped out saying that the whole issue is me being weird around him and that I'm now the weird in-law and us not doing things with her family is not how she will live her life. I calmly explained(as she was screaming) that I have no problem doing things, but I can't figure out why I'm being blamed for someone else's actions. She then comments that her family is priority number 1 and that they will always have her back so she will stick with them over me. It took everything not comment back at that point, but all I was thinking was how her family is so important that she refuses to tell her sister that her husband told her he wanted to kiss her. I mean the logic is out of this world.
My intuition tells me that there is so much more then I was told or will be told. Hence, I want a 3rd party to listen to both sides and explain to her that she is deflecting everything onto me and trying to turn me into the bad guy here.
She is manipulating you. She is playing the victim, and twisting everything to make it seem like YOUR fault. Now ask yourself: why would she do that if she hasn't done anything? If the only slimeball here is your inlaw, why would she side with him over you?
Answer: because your inlaw ISN'T the only slimeball in this situation.
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