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Your marriage is over. The fact that she won't even consider counseling is telling. Even if the affair (and that's what I'm guessing it was) with the brother-in-law is over, who's to say she won't have an affair with someone else in the future? She's already cheat once, what's to stop her from doing it again and again? Nothing that I can see. Is that really someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Go see a counselor by yourself to find out why you are willing to put up with her abuse and go see an attorney. Don't waste any more time with her.
The only reason you think you need a third party opinion is because you are intimidated by her. You know in your heart that what she is saying and doing is wrong. You deserve her loyalty. You need to stand up and tell her this. When she said her loyalty was to her family, you should have got up and walked out the door. This would be the reaction of anyone with self-respect.
The reason she is putting the blame on you is because she CAN. She knows she can walk all over you apparently and you will take it. She probably allowed things to go to far with the BIL because she is seeking someone who is more of an alpha. But then she chickened out and told you about it. I think deep down she was hoping you would confront him and show yourself to be a strong man. Do it. It's not too late.
Even if this the case why should he stay with someone who would cheat on him or get tempted by somebody who's "more alpha" that's not an excuse for his wife it's a scumbag move
You're basically telling him to change who he is so his wife doesn't get tempted.
I have asked her to be honest with me, she immediately gets upset and shuts down. She then goes off on me for causing her this anxiety and perpetuating this. I had not said a thing about it, she is the one who constantly brings up that I need to act normal or others will realize something is up. I just don't know how someone could act like everything was OK knowing the information I do. My take is that she realizes that she is screwed no matter what and is attempting to make me the bad guy and then tell everyone I was the jerk. From the onset I made it clear that I needed to know everything to move on, her response was that she did nothing wrong and I was just ostracizing her and holding it over her hear. I've repeatedly offered to sit down and discuss it with one another and it is met with temper tantrums, name calling and threats of divorce. All signs that this isn't something that should just blow over because she feels like it.
I cannot believe that this woman was a calm and reasonable person up to this incident with the BIL.
Your wife is a liar, and is putting your BIL before you, and your family. She is using her sister, and their family, as an EXCUSE to cover up her affair with your BIL. It is so obvious, it is comical. She has the classic, sweep it under the rug, I am guilty attitude. In her mind she can't admit she did something wrong, so deny, cover up, and hope nothing comes out that makes her guilty.
She is guilty, and she violated your trust which you will never get back. I'd be talking to a divorce attorney knowledgeable of your state's divorce laws to assess your options, financial liability, and child custody issues. That may be hard for you, and you may think it is premature, but it is definitely not. Start protecting yourself. Also, don't assume it is YOU that will have to move out of your house.
See an attorney and get his/her advice on how to manage the next few months.
There's nothing left. Do you understand how emasculating it is to have your wife try to get you to help her hide her affair???
She obviously fears her sister's reaction more than yours, and she gets upset, shuts down, and throws insults back at you because she knows you will stand there and take it.
I have asked her to be honest with me, she immediately gets upset and shuts down. She then goes off on me for causing her this anxiety and perpetuating this. I had not said a thing about it, she is the one who constantly brings up that I need to act normal or others will realize something is up. I just don't know how someone could act like everything was OK knowing the information I do. My take is that she realizes that she is screwed no matter what and is attempting to make me the bad guy and then tell everyone I was the jerk. From the onset I made it clear that I needed to know everything to move on, her response was that she did nothing wrong and I was just ostracizing her and holding it over her hear. I've repeatedly offered to sit down and discuss it with one another and it is met with temper tantrums, name calling and threats of divorce. All signs that this isn't something that should just blow over because she feels like it.
Writing's on the wall, bub. Only person still in doubt is you.
Sorry things had to end this way. I know from experience that it's an awful feeling.
See an attorney and get his/her advice on how to manage the next few months.
There's nothing left. Do you understand how emasculating it is to have your wife try to get you to help her hide her affair???
She obviously fears her sister's reaction more than yours, and she gets upset, shuts down, and throws insults back at you because she knows you will stand there and take it.
You need to get your balls back, sir.
I agree. When she told you that her family took priority over you, she told you that your marriage was over. See the attorney and let her know that you did so. Stand up for yourself man!
I have asked her to be honest with me, she immediately gets upset and shuts down. She then goes off on me for causing her this anxiety and perpetuating this. I had not said a thing about it, she is the one who constantly brings up that I need to act normal or others will realize something is up. I just don't know how someone could act like everything was OK knowing the information I do. My take is that she realizes that she is screwed no matter what and is attempting to make me the bad guy and then tell everyone I was the jerk. From the onset I made it clear that I needed to know everything to move on, her response was that she did nothing wrong and I was just ostracizing her and holding it over her hear. I've repeatedly offered to sit down and discuss it with one another and it is met with temper tantrums, name calling and threats of divorce. All signs that this isn't something that should just blow over because she feels like it.
Have you asked her why she's reacting in such a strange and extreme manner, to a simple request to sit down and talk? Have you told her, that you find her reaction puzzling, given that you've taken at face value her claim that nothing happened between her and the BIL?
I think that could make for an interesting conversation, or at least--a revealing scenario. If she threatens divorce again, ask her why she's bringing that up. Tell her she's not making sense.
I'm really curious to see how that would play out, but maybe it would be more of the same. Which leaves you with only one option, as another poster has mentioned....
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