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She is putting her social network over her husband's well being and fairness and compromise in the household. I find that astonishing.
It's astonishing unless she is trying to force his hand to move out on his own. Maybe her end game is to have him move out. Not trying to be negative or cynical, but there is some reason she is "digging in".
OP, I don't understand why she's dug in her heels. What is it about Palm Desert that's worth digging in her heels for, and risking her marriage? It doesn't make sense. In all this back-and-forth here, that question has never been answered. Why does she like it so much, that she's refusing to leave? Maybe it's not about Palm Desert at all; maybe she just doesn't want to go through the hassle of packing up and moving again?
You say you two have "communicated to death" on the issue, but you can't tell us why she's dug in her heels? Didn't she have friends and a good social network in LA, too? What about that?
It's astonishing unless she is trying to force his hand to move out on his own. Maybe her end game is to have him move out. Not trying to be negative or cynical, but there is some reason she is "digging in".
Maybe she’s just as over LA as he is over PD. I don’t know why she should have to go back to a place she dislikes any more than he should have to stay in a place he dislikes. The option should be to find a compromise location that both of them can enjoy. It’s not all about his career any more than it is all about her social network. They are a couple and if one is sacrificing everything for the happiness of the other, neither party in the couple will end up being content if they stay together. There are lots of options that might be a little smaller that might satisfy the OP’s wife, but would have better weather and opportunities that would satisfy the OP.
Maybe she’s just as over LA as he is over PD. I don’t know why she should have to go back to a place she dislikes any more than he should have to stay in a place he dislikes. The option should be to find a compromise location that both of them can enjoy. It’s not all about his career any more than it is all about her social network. They are a couple and if one is sacrificing everything for the happiness of the other, neither party in the couple will end up being content if they stay together. There are lots of options that might be a little smaller that might satisfy the OP’s wife, but would have better weather and opportunities that would satisfy the OP.
She is putting her social network over her husband's well being and fairness and compromise in the household. I find that astonishing.
Pretty much, according to OP. I wonder what her social network will be like without a husband...
Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123
You’re both to the point that your willing to move away from one another to have a better lifestyle...that should speak volumes to you both.
Speaks poorly about the quality of their relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Danica32
It's astonishing unless she is trying to force his hand to move out on his own. Maybe her end game is to have him move out. Not trying to be negative or cynical, but there is some reason she is "digging in".
I'm not that cynical but I have to accept you may be spot on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
OP, I don't understand why she's dug in her heels. What is it about Palm Desert that's worth digging in her heels for, and risking her marriage? It doesn't make sense. In all this back-and-forth here, that question has never been answered. Why does she like it so much, that she's refusing to leave? Maybe it's not about Palm Desert at all; maybe she just doesn't want to go through the hassle of packing up and moving again?
You say you two have "communicated to death" on the issue, but you can't tell us why she's dug in her heels? Didn't she have friends and a good social network in LA, too? What about that?
It's her social network that has been the only reason I've seen, yet...
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict
Maybe she’s just as over LA as he is over PD. I don’t know why she should have to go back to a place she dislikes any more than he should have to stay in a place he dislikes. The option should be to find a compromise location that both of them can enjoy. It’s not all about his career any more than it is all about her social network. They are a couple and if one is sacrificing everything for the happiness of the other, neither party in the couple will end up being content if they stay together. There are lots of options that might be a little smaller that might satisfy the OP’s wife, but would have better weather and opportunities that would satisfy the OP.
... I'm pretty sure wife hates LA and doesn't want to go back.
She's risking the loss of her husband if she can't help him work on a satisfactory compromise. As far as couples I've met in my entire life, I can't say that I've seen only a few that didn't make some sacrifices to be happy together.
Maybe she’s just as over LA as he is over PD. I don’t know why she should have to go back to a place she dislikes any more than he should have to stay in a place he dislikes. The option should be to find a compromise location that both of them can enjoy. It’s not all about his career any more than it is all about her social network. They are a couple and if one is sacrificing everything for the happiness of the other, neither party in the couple will end up being content if they stay together. There are lots of options that might be a little smaller that might satisfy the OP’s wife, but would have better weather and opportunities that would satisfy the OP.
Has the OP said she dislikes LA? Not that I'm aware of. Maybe I missed something. Finding a compromise would be the obvious suggestion, IF she hates LA, but that's a big assumption to make, in the absence of any indication of it from the OP. I think the fact that moving out of LA was HIS idea would indicate that she didn't have a problem with LA.
More info needed from the OP. In 6 pages, this crucial bit of info hasn't been forthcoming.
Maybe she’s just as over LA as he is over PD. I don’t know why she should have to go back to a place she dislikes any more than he should have to stay in a place he dislikes. The option should be to find a compromise location that both of them can enjoy. It’s not all about his career any more than it is all about her social network. They are a couple and if one is sacrificing everything for the happiness of the other, neither party in the couple will end up being content if they stay together. There are lots of options that might be a little smaller that might satisfy the OP’s wife, but would have better weather and opportunities that would satisfy the OP.
I didn't say she should have to go back to a place she hates. That would be the same situation just on the other spouse. Compromise should be utmost in the minds of the couple with neither person digging in and refusing to be considerate. There are a whole lot of places to live.
Has the OP said she dislikes LA? Not that I'm aware of. Maybe I missed something. Finding a compromise would be the obvious suggestion, IF she hates LA, but that's a big assumption to make, in the absence of any indication of it from the OP. I think the fact that moving out of LA was HIS idea would indicate that she didn't have a problem with LA.
More info needed from the OP. In 6 pages, this crucial bit of info hasn't been forthcoming.
He has not said this, but it seems that there has to be some reason that she is so vehement about not wanting to go back. Just because it was his idea to start with doesn’t mean that she didn’t realize after she was gone how happy she was to be out of there. There are times when it is only after you leave a situation and are in a better one that you realize how much you really disliked a prior situation.
OP, I don't understand why she's dug in her heels. What is it about Palm Desert that's worth digging in her heels for, and risking her marriage? It doesn't make sense. In all this back-and-forth here, that question has never been answered. Why does she like it so much, that she's refusing to leave? Maybe it's not about Palm Desert at all; maybe she just doesn't want to go through the hassle of packing up and moving again?
You say you two have "communicated to death" on the issue, but you can't tell us why she's dug in her heels? Didn't she have friends and a good social network in LA, too? What about that?
These are good questions. We both got sick of living in the fast-paced culture of LA. Her job is based there, so she can work from home and go into the city a couple of times a month. The problem for me in PD (besides the weather), I just don't like it here. Too small, too quiet, too many retirees, not enough activities to keep me interested. Even with the negatives, we had a pretty nice lifestyle in LA. If I had known what it would be like living in the desert, I would have never left LA.
We are now priced out of the real estate market in LA, so my wife is content to live a slower-paced lifestyle. She has a good social network in both cities, so that's not the issue. She likes the desert, and our house here. I don't want to be away from her, so I will try to make the best of it. Unfortunately, I've been doing that for a few years now, that's why I posted here!
These are good questions. We both got sick of living in the fast-paced culture of LA. Her job is based there, so she can work from home and go into the city a couple of times a month. The problem for me in PD (besides the weather), I just don't like it here. Too small, too quiet, too many retirees, not enough activities to keep me interested. Even with the negatives, we had a pretty nice lifestyle in LA. If I had known what it would be like living in the desert, I would have never left LA.
We are now priced out of the real estate market in LA, so my wife is content to live a slower-paced lifestyle. She has a good social network in both cities, so that's not the issue. She likes the desert, and our house here. I don't want to be away from her, so I will try to make the best of it. Unfortunately, I've been doing that for a few years now, that's why I posted here!
What about buying a townhome in or around LA? Or maybe Ventura? Your wife seems adaptable; she acquired a social network in the new location pretty quickly. If she prefers a really small town, what about Morro Bay? San Luis Obispo? Pismo Beach? Ojai might work--close enough to LA to be drivable occasionally, but in a drier environment, active community? Might be too hot for you in the summers, though.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 08-02-2018 at 02:22 PM..
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