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But you didn't think it was great or you would not have left. Because you're homesick, you're only remembering the good things.
This may be.
So, before, when you were enjoying a nice life in LA, lots of friends, couple activities as well as solo activities, you were so impressed with the desert heat and small-town vibe, that you decided to throw away what you had? Really? Or maybe you were frustrated with the traffic?
Honestly, reading your OP, I wondered what "fast-paced life" of LA means. No matter where you are, small town or big city, you still have to put in your 8 hrs./day (or more), and drive home. You have your weekends free in both places. You have part of your evenings free every night. Same, in both places, except less driving in a small town, but even then, it depends on the layout of the town. So, what does "fast-paced life" mean? I have relatives who lived in LA for many years, and they never said anything about life being fast-paced. They had a nice, pretty laid-back life there, as I saw when I visited them. I'm sure traffic is much worse now, but still.... you didn't say it was the traffic that drove you out, you said it was the fast pace of life.
You say your wife works from home, remotely. What about you? What do you do?
Anyway, I still think that if your wife cares about you (why would she suddenly stop loving you??), she'd agree to a compromise location, if you can come up with a good one. So, you're saying that in LA, the marriage was great. Now, suddenly, she's digging in her heels, risking torpedoing the marriage. IDK. Seems like something's missing in this picture.
But you didn't think it was great or you would not have left. Because you're homesick, you're only remembering the good things.
Not exactly. We could have bought a house in LA four years ago, but it would have been a fixer. So, we thought in the desert: nicer house (with a pool), slower-paced etc. Those things are true, but now I'm bored out of my mind. I think the statistics are something like 60% of the homes out here are second homes, so the Coachella Valley is often a ghost town during the summer.
Not exactly. We could have bought a house in LA four years ago, but it would have been a fixer. So, we thought in the desert: nicer house (with a pool), slower-paced etc. Those things are true, but now I'm bored out of my mind. I think the statistics are something like 60% of the homes out here are second homes, so the Coachella Valley is often a ghost town during the summer.
Right, and knowing that the majority of the population was only seasonal, it didn't occur to you that your (and your wife's) social circle would vanish in the summer?
Ohwell. Moving on: what about Ventura? Or if she wants a more desert-like environment---Ojai? Maybe you should post on the LA or Ventura forum/s, for suggestions?? I'd like to think this marriage is salvageable. Look at townhome complexes with a pool.
So, before, when you were enjoying a nice life in LA, lots of friends, couple activities as well as solo activities, you were so impressed with the desert heat and small-town vibe, that you decided to throw away what you had? Really? Or maybe you were frustrated with the traffic?
Honestly, reading your OP, I wondered what "fast-paced life" of LA means. No matter where you are, small town or big city, you still have to put in your 8 hrs./day (or more), and drive home. You have your weekends free in both places. You have part of your evenings free every night. Same, in both places, except less driving in a small town, but even then, it depends on the layout of the town. So, what does "fast-paced life" mean? I have relatives who lived in LA for many years, and they never said anything about life being fast-paced. They had a nice, pretty laid-back life there, as I saw when I visited them. I'm sure traffic is much worse now, but still.... you didn't say it was the traffic that drove you out, you said it was the fast pace of life.
You say your wife works from home, remotely. What about you? What do you do?
Anyway, I still think that if your wife cares about you (why would she suddenly stop loving you??), she'd agree to a compromise location, if you can come up with a good one. So, you're saying that in LA, the marriage was great. Now, suddenly, she's digging in her heels, risking torpedoing the marriage. IDK. Seems like something's missing in this picture.
No, there's nothing missing in this picture. We were tired of renting, so we started looking at houses in LA. For our budget, we could have bought a fixer. It was my idea to move us to the desert. That's why she's digging in her heels. She says I uprooted us and brought us out here (true). And now, she loves it out here, and I don't. I suggested it because we could get a much nicer house, and I loved it when we vacationed here (they are not the same).
We both worked in the entertainment industry. She kept her job (remote) and I didn't. I have yet to replace my income from LA. I've had a series of jobs, rather than career-type positions.
LA is a very fast-paced city. People drive insanely fast and aggressive. If the freeways are moving, and the speed limit is 65, a lot of people are driving are at 85, 90, 100. Can't tell you how many BMW's I've seen driving over 100 mph in the fast lane.
Also, it can take half a day just to go to Costco and Target and Trader Joe's there. In Palm Desert, I can do all of that in 90 minutes. So, it's a totally different lifestyle (no wonder old people love it here!)
Last edited by pacific_ocean; 08-02-2018 at 04:45 PM..
No, there's nothing missing in this picture. We were tired of renting, so we started looking at houses in LA. For our budget, we could have bought a fixer. It was my idea to move us to the desert. That's why she's digging in her heels. She says I uprooted us and brought us out here (true). And now, she loves it out here, and I don't. I suggested it because we could get a much nicer house, and I use to love it when we vacationed here (they are not the same).
We both worked in the entertainment industry. She kept her job (remote) and I didn't. I have yet to replace my income from LA. I've had a series of jobs, rather than career-type positions.
LA is a very fast-paced city. People drive insanely fast and aggressive. If the freeways are moving, and the speed limit is 65, a lot of people are driving are at 85, 90, 100. Can't tell you how many BMW's I've seen driving over 100 mph in the fast lane.
Also, it can take half a day just to go to Costco and Target and Trader Joe's there. In Palm Desert, I can do all of that in 90 minutes. So, it's a totally different lifestyle (no wonder old people love it here!)
Thanks for filling in the picture! This is actually very helpful! So, she's miffed that you uprooted both of you, and then aren't happy with where you ended up. Bummer, OP!
What do YOU think of some of the alternative locations suggested here? I guess she'd be mad again, at being uprooted again, but if you could convince her that it's the last time, and that the new place will segue into your retirement spot, no more uprooting??
BTW, I can really see simply opting out of LA, after the frustration of house-hunting, and finding out you can only afford a fixer-upper. I can see how the mistake was made; Palm Desert was familiar to you, and affordable. Live and learn.
What about Santa Barbara? Aren't there entertainment industry jobs there? You could live outside of town, in Santa Ynez, or Ventura, where it's more affordable, and drive into town.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 08-02-2018 at 04:53 PM..
Right, and knowing that the majority of the population was only seasonal, it didn't occur to you that your (and your wife's) social circle would vanish in the summer
Far from it, her social circle gets bigger in the summer. All her friends are from SF and have second homes here. Most of them don't even use their homes during the season (booked solid), so they visit during the summer.
Thank you for your advice, but it seems that you're unfamiliar with the vacation economy out here. There's nothing you've asked that we didn't know before moving here. Also, our social circle isn't the main issue here. Like I said, it's the damn heat!
To be fair, it seems like the problem is two-fold. A) They can’t actually afford to buy anything in LA, and B) she doesn’t want to live there anyway. It seems like compromise is the only possible option here because even if she agreed, it doesn’t seem like it would be possible anyway because they are priced out. It seems silly to go from a home you own to one you rent.
Far from it, her social circle gets bigger in the summer. All her friends are from SF and have second homes here. Most of them don't even use their homes during the season (booked solid), so they visit during the summer.
Thank you for your advice, but it seems that you're unfamiliar with the vacation economy out here. There's nothing you've asked that we didn't know before moving here. Also, our social circle isn't the main issue here. Like I said, it's the damn heat!
Oh, I thought you posted above that it was a ghost town in the summer, so I responded to that. And yeah, I can't even handle temps in the 90's, let alone over 100!
Maybe you could approach it the way "snowbirds" do in the northeast. People there apparently get sick of the cold and snow that socks in during the winter. Some of them move to Florida only to realize that they miss having four seasons, so they compromise and move to a more moderate location like my home state of TN pr nearby NC.
If you and your wife want to stay together, you'll either have to suck it up or you both have to compromise on a totally new location.
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