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Well I'm no saint, I'll take that, I do have some attitude problems and do ***** about work, but much of that also came from her when she was working, so neither of us is not guilty, it's just that I thought she knew me and knew I was working on correcting my faults.
I'm going to be hard and honest with you. You probably weren't working on your faults. Many husbands don't and they ignore their wives requests because...they can. "She'll be here tomorrow, like she was yesterday. Even with my issues". You need to get yourself together and learn from your mistakes. She does too.
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She cannot support herself, never has and I don't think she ever will. She was in an abusive relationship with her last boyfriend, he was very abusive verbally and also made her go 1/2 on all expenses even going out to eat. I never did that to her, ever.
I never felt it was just for the money and stability, things were different, it just changed after moving out here, got worse between us, tension and fighting. When she mentioned sex to me, I was like well I tried but you pushed me away. I tried in the past 2 years a few times, and she wasn't interested.
I understand....felt alone and empty too, with no family, when my marriage of 23 yrs. was ending.
What helped me was a divorce support group...all going through the same things together...get support, discuss your issues. Yes, men attend these too. Just google divorce support in your area.
Good luck, take it slow, as it can feel overwhelming at times.
I'm sorry about your story, I thought when I got married and said "Till death do us part" was it, I had no thoughts of leaving her or seeking out someone who was making money, worked and had no baggage, but she had qualities I liked, it just all seemed to flip in an instant, she said it's beeng going on for years, but not like this. I just cannot wrap my head around her having the zfg attiude about meeting some guy online and chatting with him when I was at work, yet she would say "I love you" and give me hugs, wasn't acting cold but now I know it was fake.
I will take your advice on the divorce support group, I appreciate that suggestion. I don't know why I'm not crying, maybe that will come later or maybe I'm cried out?
I'm not sure who he is, or he is who he say's he is, she is very tight lipped and secretive, I told her I'm fearful for my safety now since you are probably divulging stuff about me and she also watches Lifetime way too much, you know the movies on there and the plots. I don't think she is that stupid, but I don't know, that is to give out too much info like address and where I work.
I'm hoping this can be a clean slate for me, because I already carried and paid off a lot of her debts over the years, it's too much to think I'll be carrying her out if so.
I'm sure you are very safe. Don't even talk to her about Mr. Internet. I hope that one day, after you are divorced, you can see that this was a good thing that happened.
I'm going to be hard and honest with you. You probably weren't working on your faults. Many husbands don't and they ignore their wives requests because...they can. "She'll be here tomorrow, like she was yesterday. Even with my issues". You need to get yourself together and learn from your mistakes. She does too.
This marriage is dead in the water, Sir.
True and you are right about it being dead in the water, I guess I'm in denial?
I'm sure you are very safe. Don't even talk to her about Mr. Internet. I hope that one day, after you are divorced, you can see that this was a good thing that happened.
I hope but I don't know who she is talking to or if he is some nutcase. I'm not bringing it up anymore, I have not said one word to her all day, she is on the computer in the other room as I type this.
I think this is my best defense, to say nothing, but when Monday rolls around and I have to go to work, it's not going to be easy to focus knowing she is sitting at home chatting up a storm with this guy along with possibly making it cybersex, which from one types letter I found is very detailed, she claimed she didn't send it and it was a diary entry, but I'm not so sure.
I know after it's said and done, she will have relapses and will be scared, because now she is here with me, not on her own, it's like she is playing poker and thinks she has the better hand. I almost feel her fairy tale affair is just that.
I'd rather say that you had hope. Nothing wrong with having hope but the hope ran out.
Yes, sadly it did. I just hope she doesn't want to be friends still, she mentioned moving out in the area, I don't know how that will fly with me if it goes as she is thinking.
I'm sorry about your story, I thought when I got married and said "Till death do us part" was it, I had no thoughts of leaving her or seeking out someone who was making money, worked and had no baggage, but she had qualities I liked, it just all seemed to flip in an instant, she said it's beeng going on for years, but not like this. I just cannot wrap my head around her having the zfg attiude about meeting some guy online and chatting with him when I was at work, yet she would say "I love you" and give me hugs, wasn't acting cold but now I know it was fake.
I will take your advice on the divorce support group, I appreciate that suggestion.
I don't know why I'm not crying, maybe that will come later or maybe I'm cried out?
Denial most likely...it takes a while to accept it's REALLY happening to you. It seems unreal. Some feel as though the rug has been jerked out from under you.
Crying will come...and it will be good to get out all your pain and discomfort.
I hope but I don't know who she is talking to or if he is some nutcase. I'm not bringing it up anymore, I have not said one word to her all day, she is on the computer in the other room as I type this.
I think this is my best defense, to say nothing, but when Monday rolls around and I have to go to work, it's not going to be easy to focus knowing she is sitting at home chatting up a storm with this guy along with possibly making it cybersex, which from one types letter I found is very detailed, she claimed she didn't send it and it was a diary entry, but I'm not so sure.
I know after it's said and done, she will have relapses and will be scared, because now she is here with me, not on her own, it's like she is playing poker and thinks she has the better hand. I almost feel her fairy tale affair is just that.
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Originally Posted by high_plains_drifter
Yes, sadly it did. I just hope she doesn't want to be friends still, she mentioned moving out in the area, I don't know how that will fly with me if it goes as she is thinking.
Yes, don't say anything at all and don't even think about Mr. Internet. You're safe. It most likely is a fairy tale. YOu don't have to be friends with her if you don't want to. It's your choice and your decision. You can just ignore and/or block her. You have no more business together after you divorce.
Why are you okay with her being with you just for the money and stability? I'll never understand why so many men are okay with this.
Agree!! Why do people let other able bodied people mooch off of them?
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