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She's getting ready to lose her meal ticket, so of course she's thinking of "straightening up and flying right!" She a user and the O.P. was more than willing to be used, so to a degree,the fault lies with both of them. From what I gathered in one of his earlier posts in this thread, he was warned by family and/or friends about this woman from the beginning. (He had mentioned something along the lines of them possibly saying, "I told you so..." hence his hesitation to divorce his wife at the risk of losing face with family.)
Sadly, from what he's shared (and he's shared a lot, to be honest), he's a man who loves a "project." He's a classic "rescuer" who will make excuses for the bad behavior of others as, at least in the initial stages, he gets feeling of validation from being a provider and problem-solver.
His wife will land on her feet as such people do as there's always another fool to charm into taking care of her needs--be it a friend or a lover. Quietly and respectfully kicking her to the curb is the best course of action.
You are correct on your assumption, but I'm the one who will be handing her papers, meeting with Lawyer is tomorrow.
If she lands on her feet with this claimed "celebrity which I believe is some con artist or poser, she will not need any alimony and I may mention that claim to the lawyer or see what my options are.
Hey. I haven't read all pages. Maybe I can still put my two cents in. I am sorry how your marriage turned out.
You do not have to wait for anything. File for divorce now. A married couple does not have to be separated six months before filing a California divorce.
The 6 months waiting period means you will not be divorced before 6 months AFTER filing.
I am in Ventura County, if you need a friend and are nearby.
Thanks, yes tomorrow is my meeting with the Lawyer.
Shortly before your lease runs out, go look for another apartment. Don't tell your wife that's what you're doing until you have a new apartment lined up. Then, open up a PO box, so you don't have to give her your new address.
When that happens, tell your wife that you have a new place, and if she wants to stay in the apartment, she will have to have the lease drawn up in her name. If you want to be a nice guy, maybe pay her first month's rent.
Be thankful you don't have a house to worry about.
I have a feeling your wife is TRYING to walk a tight rope. She wants to GO, but it sounds like she might be having a hard time getting her online guy to commit anything to her.
Hell, if I were you, I'd offer to pay her bus ticket to the guy. LOL
Good food for thought, she made her bed at the end of the day, there is no turning back from this one, I can guarantee it. My mind is made up, I feel like I can be free at some point. I'm not rushing into a relationship though like her, she loses much validity in this because she claimed prior years ago after we met and was coming from a long term very abusive relationship, that she should have stayed single and looked after herself.
I told her that the other day, you should not get involved with anyone.
She is needy, clingy and looking for security because she has no career, $ and little hope of being able to support her life, without me or someone with money, she wants a champagne life on a beer budget.
I'd use her guilt and have a settlement agreement written up at the attorney's office wherein she agrees to getting nothing. You have no idea what people all can and try to use against each other. I would not wait and get as much in writing now where she is still willing to negotiate before she changes her mind. Therefore, I would not do anything mean right now to "let her pay" or "revenge" because it may backfire on you financially. Be smart.
I'm going to mention the info I have to the Lawyer, not sure if will matter. Also the claim of a "celebrity" being the new man she is cheating online with. She also said last night, that she isn't "cheating" or being "unfaithful", so take that as you may. What I have for evidence, what she is doing to me means little if any consequence to her.
At least you acknowledge you gave up as well, so really what you are left with is a committed friendship in roommate status.
Instead of losing steam and giving up you could have made one final stand (so to say) and tried really hard while adjusting your strategy. I would have required her to work a PT job (30 hours at least), provide meaningful financial contributions, and also made and effort to sleep in the same bed. Sleep apnia machines, breathe right strips, adjustable mattresses (0 pressure position).
With that said it’s water under the bridge and doesn’t help you now. Likely your marriage is irreparable and you should look to terminate it the earlier the better so you both can move on.
Basically, you are correct.
I did try to influence her to get a job, but even bringing it up was a sore subject, I pushed her hard, sent her e-mails of job links I found online, on my own time. She would get very upset and mad about it.
I also but ear plugs, breath right strips, special pillows, sleep apnea was tested, I didn't have it, not sure she has it, she never took my advice to get it checked.
Somebody please school me.... can you contact someone privately on Instagram?
Yes, I don't have it but know from reading.
I have no social media profiles or accounts.
Instagram is like Tinder now, it's a dating site along with me a site for con and scam artists.
I told her this, along with saying there are thousands of attractive woman and men too on there who have way more followers than you and you think out of random you were selected by some "celebrity", if so she won the lotto. I'm waiting to prove myself right that he isn't who he say he is.
What's really bad is she doesn't seem to be living in reality as she is posting stuff, photos and etc. and using smiling emojis, saying "lol" and not in a state of sadness. While I feel some relief this is happening and I'm sure she is too, she seems to have rolling emotions and isn't showing much empathy or what I expect from her, knowing past life altering events like deaths.
Reason I said, she has no soul anymore or doesn't care what is going to happen. We will see as time moves forward, or when the proverbial s##t hits the fan.
I have to stop trying to rationalize her behavior, because it's driving me insane.
Last edited by high_plains_drifter; 10-15-2018 at 03:52 PM..
Met with my Attorney, summons will be served this week to my Wife.
As I figured, from further covert operations on my part, she is talking to a Scammer, probably from a Foreign Country based on the poor grammar. I'm now referring to this person as "it", because for all I know it could be either sex.
My wife doesn't want to hear anything about my claims and links I sent from people who were also manipulated and used by similar scams, Instagram and Facebook both have major issues and the traits, e-mails being used and names all connect the dots. I'm done trying to tell her, she is in for a big surprise. She has classic Stockholm Syndrome on this one and believes "it" is indeed the well known celebrity "it" is claiming to be and will be there to take her in and give her the Robb Report Lifestyle.
I saw some of the chat logs, my wife isn't too savvy on knowing these are stored on the physical hard drive on my computer in a location under the default directory for it. The chats make me both sick and very sad, she is sharing all these photos of herself, nothing nude or sexual yet, hopefully never, photos of our personal business and different areas around where we live when she goes out. There is a lot of emojis, the words' love, your are so special and etc. My wife is so gullible and manipulated, which is not how she use to be, I'm starting to wonder if there something else going on mentally? She is talking to "it" like she was with me when I met her.
She and "It" are also talking about me, not much but she said several things about me and is giving out info, she got funny with me and said "respect my privacy" and "don't tell people at work I'm a ***** or a bad person", I said well I trust you will do the same with this Scammer. I got no response and she is not holding true to my request, so what's good for the goose is good for the gander. She isn't saying anything really bad about me, said I was bitching at her and snooping around when she was chatting with him, which she is doing right in front of me.
I also believe she is talking to "it" on the phone, as she mentioned "call" and "talk" a few times, so maybe it is a male, but how they are making themselves sound like the celebrity that my wife knows well, is beyond my reasoning. Must be a vocal trained scammer good at imitating, even with poor grammar which is a dead giveaway.
"it" doesn't really respond to her in a normal way, nothing in depth with respect to the conversations, my wife is all down to earth on herself and genuine, perfect grammar and writing, and "it" responds with one liners. It's very sad to say the least. "it" also keeps asking her about when she is going to make a donation to the causes they discussed, when is she getting a job and when will she have money to help the cause. My wife responds that she is working on getting a job and cannot do anything till she is out on her own. My 401K was also brought up, the Scammer kept asking her when she will get her half.
My Attorney flat out told me nothing can be done, I asked should I contact my local FBI office and she said Family Law here in CA won't use any incriminating evidence, like a court order to obtain the chat logs from the host server, to prove anything that would work against her in getting alimony.
The chats go on with day to day with donations being brought up, my Wife is not catching on and it's scary. "it' mentions he is working hard hard and busy, but there is no substance to the comments or validity. Then "it" jumps back to "did you get a credit card?" "send me your account number and I'll put some cash on it", which is a typical reverse tactic to get the number. My Wife didn't do it or respond, she said you can't do that.
I'm really ashamed to say the least, this isn't the woman I knew and married. My Attorney said there is nothing I can do about it, she will get her cut at some point and what she does with the money is her deal. She did say I can call the Police and say she is delusional and may hurt herself, 5150 hold with a 3 day eval in a Psych Ward. I'm still debating, but know if I do that, it will only make my life more miserable.
My wife thinks she is moving out next month, LOL ain't going to happen, I don't foresee her moving out anytime soon. My Attorney stated it can take up to a year to get alimony and have the divorce finalized, the courts are backed up. My Wife would have to go to the Courthouse and fill out paperwork to request money sooner, but it wouldn't happen overnight. My Attorney stated that I don't have to educate her anymore and to let her figure things out on her own.
I'm waiting to see what is going to happen now, reality is going to hit hard as I'm going to retract spending and only give her the basics of survival, all the luxuries will be gone starting today. She will get a monthly allowance like a kid and she can choose to spend it as she wishes. I'm also going to give her my wedding band and tell her to go have it melted down and do what you want with the money.
I thought I would be crying my eyes out, but I only got a little emotional when I left. Maybe I'm in shock?
My wife doesn't give a s@$t and is putting this scammer ahead of me, that alone speaks in volumes. Especially now that I know it is not a legitimate affair, it actually makes me feel worse because I was hoping she would have met someone legitimate who took her in and saved me the $ I'll have to pay out at some point.
It is wrong of me to not do more? I tried to inform her, she just doesn't want to listen. It's like I'm talking to a brick wall, I often wonder if she is just acting dumb and using this as an excuse to leave me, that she knows "it" is a scammer and is just playing them. We will see on that? It's hard to be stuck in the situation, I have to be around her now and accept it, take it up the rear end. Once I give her the rundown on what's going to happen and when the Summons is served, I think she will wake-up and when the luxuries start disappearing and things she loves to have.
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